"You're no stray feline,
you're a lady," they will say.
As I trim myself to the pattern they made,
adjure me to learn the dance of their stick.
Turn a blind-knowing stare in a contrivance
of my tragedies, war, and my five inches feet.

"You're no stray feline,
you're a lady," they say.
Fettering my hopes to brew lies in my entrails,
for I have no value without a bind on my step.
Endowed with no shield nor shaft for fight that I was trained,
must cower behind closed doors with a conflict in my chest.

I am no stray feline,
I am a lady, they told me.
Churning and wobbling under their commanding breathe
to flaunt I am more than a dancing bone in a vessel.
But why would they bury my lust for helm and sword away,
and exhort me to put these 3-inch shoes of hell?

It’s 2 am
And you stared outside the window
Looking at the vastness of nothing
How lights touched other lights
And how this darkness covers us all
It’s when you will realize
One could not keep secrets that long
It will have holes
It will leak through gaps
And spaces
It would make you feel incomplete
And a complete mess
Because the things you can hide from others
Are the things you can never hide from yourself
Because when it’s 2 am
And you’re staring at the vastness of nothing
You can only feel yourself
And you don’t want to wake up from a dream
A beautiful dream that is a nightmare
When it hits 3 am.

She love.

She loved me and give me warmth on a cold rainy night.
She loved me and hug my anxiety brewing in my tummy.
She loved me and cry with me until we fall asleep.
She loved me and held me tight when I'm falling off my cliff.

She was there for me but not only for me.
She was there for me and anyone for free.
She was there for the people who meant something to her.
And was there for the people who weren't always there.

She was unconsciously beautiful,
Always unaware of why I fall.
The way her eyes wrinkle in a crow feet when she smiles.
Even if she doesn't, she would just look at me and my insides would go extra miles.

To fight for her, against my self.
To fight for her, against herself.
To fight for us, against this world.
To fight for us, against our own memories of those stories that were untold.

Sometimes, when I look at her,
I see her as my own personal lair.
I see her as my pillow I stuffed my face to muffle my cries.
I see her as my last happy pill whenever my mind tricked me to just die.
I see her as my favorite blanket, a softness that could hide me from the world's prying eyes.
I see her as my shell, my wall, my comfort place without a lie.

And I couldn't believe that home felt like her.
She's my safety area when I was attacked by oblivion inside my mind.

I couldn't believe that home smells like her.
She's a musk I couldn't deny that reminds me of the good and the bad times all at once.

I couldn't believe that home sounds like her.
She's a song I'll never skip in a shuffled playlist, a vinyl of her mind, a cassette tape of her soul, hidden beneath her aura is her passion as my favorite genre.

I couldn't believe that home looked like her.
Just like big, tight hugs when my fears won't fray,
Just like long, lazy cuddles at the end of the day,
Just like morning kisses that leave a trail.
Will never stale.
Will always stay.

SNPV | 18:05:03:22:15

I, suddenly, got drown
In this ocean
Swimming deeper and can't get up
Diving the sea of an endless doubt

I, suddenly, felt lonely
In this world,
Fighting without a cause
Shedding blood without a pause

I, suddenly, felt the frown
In this face
Smiling as I reaped what I've sown
Sharing happiness I don't even own

I, suddenly, felt empty
In my heart
Living everyday like a fool
Slipping farther away from my soul

Because I am a one-man warrior
Fighting without an armor
My sword were long gone
As well as my helm got away and run

From the single lieutenant
Of life's greatest war
A losing side with ending that does not look so far
But also a winning one beneath the endless battle scars.

SNPV | 18:01:29:18:06