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Sho Victoria Jan 2019
"You're no stray feline,
you're a lady," they will say.
As I trim myself to the pattern they made,
adjure me to learn the dance of their stick.
Turn a blind-knowing stare in a contrivance
of my tragedies, war, and my five inches feet.

"You're no stray feline,
you're a lady," they say.
Fettering my hopes to brew lies in my entrails,
for I have no value without a bind on my step.
Endowed with no shield nor shaft for fight that I was trained,
must cower behind closed doors with a conflict in my chest.

I am no stray feline,
I am a lady, they told me.
Churning and wobbling under their commanding breathe
to flaunt I am more than a dancing bone in a vessel.
But why would they bury my lust for helm and sword away,
and exhort me to put these 3-inch shoes of hell?
Stop binding me with every step I take.
Sho Victoria Jul 2018
It’s 2 am
And you stared outside the window
Looking at the vastness of nothing
How lights touched other lights
And how this darkness covers us all
It’s when you will realize
One could not keep secrets that long
It will have holes
It will leak through gaps
And spaces
It would make you feel incomplete
And a complete mess
Because the things you can hide from others
Are the things you can never hide from yourself
Because when it’s 2 am
And you’re staring at the vastness of nothing
You can only feel yourself
And you don’t want to wake up from a dream
A beautiful dream that is a nightmare
When it hits 3 am.
Sho Victoria Jul 2018
If we are in a masquerade party
with no faces,
nor identity

Just words,
and alcohols,
for both of us
to see.

Just soul,
and coffee,
making our spirits

Would you look at me
without a mask,
with a cover,
inside a flask?

Would you touch me
and dare to drown
inside my smirks,
smile, and ignited frown.

Would you run away from me
to set yourself free?

Or would you let yourself fall,
for a masqueraded soul?
I am just me with a mask to fit with the society.
Sho Victoria May 2018
She love.

She loved me and give me warmth on a cold rainy night.
She loved me and hug my anxiety brewing in my tummy.
She loved me and cry with me until we fall asleep.
She loved me and held me tight when I'm falling off my cliff.

She was there for me but not only for me.
She was there for me and anyone for free.
She was there for the people who meant something to her.
And was there for the people who weren't always there.

She was unconsciously beautiful,
Always unaware of why I fall.
The way her eyes wrinkle in a crow feet when she smiles.
Even if she doesn't, she would just look at me and my insides would go extra miles.

To fight for her, against my self.
To fight for her, against herself.
To fight for us, against this world.
To fight for us, against our own memories of those stories that were untold.

Sometimes, when I look at her,
I see her as my own personal lair.
I see her as my pillow I stuffed my face to muffle my cries.
I see her as my last happy pill whenever my mind tricked me to just die.
I see her as my favorite blanket, a softness that could hide me from the world's prying eyes.
I see her as my shell, my wall, my comfort place without a lie.

And I couldn't believe that home felt like her.
She's my safety area when I was attacked by oblivion inside my mind.

I couldn't believe that home smells like her.
She's a musk I couldn't deny that reminds me of the good and the bad times all at once.

I couldn't believe that home sounds like her.
She's a song I'll never skip in a shuffled playlist, a vinyl of her mind, a cassette tape of her soul, hidden beneath her aura is her passion as my favorite genre.

I couldn't believe that home looked like her.
Just like big, tight hugs when my fears won't fray,
Just like long, lazy cuddles at the end of the day,
Just like morning kisses that leave a trail.
Will never stale.
Will always stay.

SNPV | 18:05:03:22:15
She's a collection of tiny little things that reminds me of home.
Sho Victoria Apr 2018
Di ako umiiyak sa away o sigawan.
Umiiyak ako sa labis na katahimikan.
Sa mga panahong kailangan ko ng kasama
Sa mga panahong pati sarili'y ayaw ko na.

Mga kumukuliglig na huni at bulong.
Mga inipit na hikbi at paghingi ng tulong.
Lahat ‘yan ay naninirahan sa isipan.
Lahat ‘yan ay mahirap takbuhan, mahirap takasan.

Bumibilis na tibok ng puso,
Malalamig na pawis na sa leeg ay namumuo
Mga hiningang hinahabol ang takbo,
Magang mga matang nagmamakaawang ang luha'y huminto.

At unti-unti
Hihimasin ang isip
Mula labas palalim sa loob
Pipigain ang puso
Makirot sa una ngunit nakakamanhid rin pala kapag nasanay na.

Hahalungkatin ang nakaraan,
Nang dumilim ang kasalukuyan.
Babasagin ang kasalukuyan,
Nang mabaling ang tingin sa iba maliban sa harapan.

"Huwag kang mag-isip."
Ang abiso nila.
Ngunit diba nila naisip
Na tila ka na ring sinabihan na:

"Huwag kang huminga kung ayaw mo na."

"Huwag kang tumingin kung nahihirapan ka."

"Huwag kang makaramdam kung nasasaktan ka."

Huwag ka nalang mabuhay kung di mo na kaya."

Oo, ayaw ko na.
Lahat kinatatamaran pati paghinga.
Bawat gabing inilaan sa iyak.
Tila ang isip, pinipilit na mabiyak.

Oo, nahihirapan na.
Di maiwasang tumingin sa mga mata
Ng iba't ibang taong may iba't ibang kwento.
Ng iba't ibang ngiti sa kabila ng malungkot na  mga anino.

Oo, nasasaktan na.
Mula sakit, gusto ko nang kumawala
Mula sa kadenang mas malambot pa sa bakal
Ngunit kung hawakan ka tila ka sinasakal.

Oo, di ko na kaya.
Sana nga tumigil na.
Na bawat umaga nagdarasal akong gabi na
At sa bawat gabi, nananalangin akong matapos na.

Ang sinimulang buhay na inilaan sa iyak.
Inilaan sa pag-iisip na sa bawat takbo tila ka winawasak.
Bukas sa lahat ng bagay mabuti man o masama.
Bukas rin sa posibilidad na ipagpatuloy pa o tapusin na.



Ganito kahirap, ganito kasakit.

Ganito kasimple ang isang atake.
Sho Victoria Apr 2018
I, suddenly, got drown
In this ocean
Swimming deeper and can't get up
Diving the sea of an endless doubt

I, suddenly, felt lonely
In this world,
Fighting without a cause
Shedding blood without a pause

I, suddenly, felt the frown
In this face
Smiling as I reaped what I've sown
Sharing happiness I don't even own

I, suddenly, felt empty
In my heart
Living everyday like a fool
Slipping farther away from my soul

Because I am a one-man warrior
Fighting without an armor
My sword were long gone
As well as my helm got away and run

From the single lieutenant
Of life's greatest war
A losing side with ending that does not look so far
But also a winning one beneath the endless battle scars.

SNPV | 18:01:29:18:06
For everyone who fight armorless against the war inside their mind.
Sho Victoria Apr 2018
it all happened before
the clock strikes eight.
when i fell in love again
with my woman, with my mate.

a silent promise to offer
everything i could state.
as we watched the stars
lining up to write our fate.

it all happened before
the clock strikes the twentieth
of the day, when the lips
of our bottles toast and met.

with just one look
at her eyes beneath her hair,
over and over again,
i was swept.

found myself falling
harder and deeper
from her laugh, from her smile
as if we have none of tomorrow’s left.

SNPV | 18:01:03:19:48
January 3. Cubao. I fell in love with my woman. Again. And over again.

— The End —