i think how we need to be loved as adults stems from our childhood (or lack thereof).

if you were abandoned, you need to be smothered, to know every second that you're adored. but as a child you were always alone, so the very love you crave makes you feel suffocated and crawling white knuckled to get out.

and so this war rages inside of us, until we have exhausted ourselves & perhaps those who were brave enough to extend their hands.

©raine cooper

His body floats on the surface,
Limbs spread wide and bound to the water,
An "X" marks his place on the planet.
Ankles and wrists between water and air,
He submits to a force of nature,
An "X", half submerged in the waves.
It says, "You are here",
but the ocean has more "there".
The water is a woman.
The sea is terrifying,
But he won't ever fear her.
A force of nature does nothing for spite,
Nothing for greed,
Nothing for personal gain.
His death would be clean.  
Honest.
Absorbed, even, thoroughly, back to the source,
The waters from which we all came.

Give me a sense of normalcy
Back out on me when I feel weak,
Give me something I can work with
Take with me,
There's something strange about you always being in reach.
Take my pride in your hands and don't give it back when I'm breaking,
Keep sending me reminders of all the mistakes I've been making,
Too much kindness in your chest,
You give it all for the taking.
All the flowers and gestures can make me so confused,
I'm waiting on the moment when I'll find out I've been used,
You don't have it in your soul,
I can't see it in your eyes,
Give me a sense of normalcy and spill all the lies.
Burn me like a cigarette on the wrist,
It wouldn't be the first and I'm used to it,
Or you could keep me in love and never make me the same,
Give me a sense of normalcy,
Silence the echoes in my brain.

We live in a nation where
People prefer to fall asleep
Holding their phones
Instead of their partners
And we wonder why
Romance is dying.

the feeling that no one is listening
because there are no likes on my latest status
no retweets
no hearts on the face of my instagram
the cement words of the internet do me no good
because no one
is listening
no one hears me
when i speak with floating words or lead-like typography

my self-assurance falters
am i not popular
is this highschool
is all of humanity one big highschool class that doesn't want to sit with me at lunch  
is it the internet that taught me this?

is the internet bad because it is the internet
or is it bad because i am exposed to more humans than i ever would be
normally
is that what
makes it
bad

the flowers grow back now that you're gone
the bamboo loses its sickly pallor
it drinks water now
instead of letting it stagnate.

i don't know how long.
i don't know how many months or days.
time passed is meaningless to me now
i have lost the desire to frantically recall what i lost each day i was with you.

the flowers grow back and i grow strangely around these past events
coming up through the cracks
like a gravelly ****
still inside me
but dormant

sometimes

We are the victims and the perpetrators.
But those roles do not intersect.
We are children and we are parents.
And those roles do intersect.

What I'm trying to say.
Is that two plus two may equal four,
But without limitations x can be anything.
It can intersect as many or as few times as it wants.
It can be zero all of the time,
Or never.
Set some ******* limitations.

What I'm trying to say.
Is I don't want to **** it up.
Don't **** it up.

I don't remember you
                    But I love you    
       I bet your laugh was contagious
  And your bright smile turned heads
You were the kindest **** anyone couldve
                                Met
Heard the universe stopped turning when
                              You left
After all nothing can survive when its lost
                              The best
Never got to know you before you left
                           This world
          But i will always be Daddys girl