What am I Supposed to do
When I'm standing here
Reaching out to you
But it seems as though
Your drifting
Further and further away
And each day
I find myself
More and more afraid
How does one believe
In the impossible
In the invisible
In the things that never seem
To be

Crash and burn
Not a care given
lost in the wind
Broken by sin
Hurt and scarred
Beyond repair
Ash and dust
All that's left
Failed the test
Darkness and shadows
All in one
Afraid and lost
No more sun
Pain each day
I buried away
Once was sunk
Now has risen
More powerful
Stronger
All I can do is try
Will I win this time?
Or will I die

You've wrung yourself dry
with thoughts on lies
and you just don't care anymore

and here i am again
at the intersection
of pedestrian language
& old wives tales
swallowing gum
like 7 year memories
opening umbrellas inside
cause i can't seem get away
from all of this rain
i ******* with my left hand
cause i was told
back in highschool that
"it feels like someone else is doing it"
it gets me wondering
about the difference between
losing you and finding out
that some one else found you
or my sleep
or lack thereof
its starting to tear me apart
i keep having this dream
where you are in
an unfamiliar body of water
trying to wash my poetry
off of your hands
or the one where
something happens in my chest
every time you sit
on someone else's bed
i'm tired of feeling like something you've misplaced
but don't have the heart
to look for anymore
tired of you saying my name
like you're trying to bury it
i'm tired of wondering
if you can tell the difference
between the absence
of my voice & silence
the other day
i almost started sobbing
at work when a woman
asked me about
our equipment
i was explaining how
things come apart
and almost mentioned your name
it made me think
of how you used to say
things like "what would you do
if i showed up on your doorstep
one day?" now, i haunt
the windows in my house
i don't leave for weeks at a time
i sit on the porch like the dog
you didn't shoot behind the shed
the one that refuses to die
until you come home again
i told somebody once, that
you didn't even know
what my voicemail sounded like
i wonder if they thought
it was because you
are so important that i never
let it ring that many times
before picking up
or if you dont know
what it sounds like
because you've never called
you can't be the ****** weapon
and the search party
i'm tired of all the seats
to the ferris wheel in my chest
being empty
tired of your voice
being the one i look for
in abandoned places
that one sound i beg
to bounce back
down vacant hallways
i just seem to stand there
in all of that quiet
like someone looking for a mistake
on an eviction notice
so i guess the hardest part
isn't letting go
it's forgetting
you ever had a grip
in the first place
and since you've been gone
i wonder if when
you pushed yourself away from me
you used your left hand
so it felt like someone else did it

Emotions rule my soul
and Sometimes its like a curse
being stuck down here on earth

yearning to feel loved
craving that acceptance
never fitting anywhere
I always was a lefty

there are few out there like me
but I have yet to meet any
society has demoralized them
but they believe themselves liberated

I've searched cracks and crevices
but only found dust
I have dug ditches and hole
but I have found nothing but gold

In a world full of greed
I have a beating heart
So I search for something more
But its mostly frozen over

I may have found one though
A soul pure but misled
Whose warmth could melt the world
and save us from our death.

Caught in a flow I don't want to be in
Trying to clear my thoughts
Maybe I could be free then
But I'm not the best at knots
They ruin everything
I ask for help but everyone acts like robots
Lost in a world they think is right
Following the rules like good boys and girls
When in the bigger picture they're losing the fight
Sometimes I wish I could be a zombie too
Walking like everybody else is hard
When your nothing like they are
but your expected to be