The big picture I see in many things
But not when it comes to you
I see the details
I see and truly appreciate
all of the beautiful things
that make up you

Your perfection,
       Toned
    And beautiful
Down to your soul
       Radiating from your pores
   Couldn't know you better
Or anymore
       So in love

Your secrets,
         Scary
   And unknown to me
Deep in your depths
          Discovering one at a time
      Knowing you less and less
  With every darkness
          I find

Your anger
          Morbid
      And apparently deadly
How could you do this to me?
    Throwing in a hole, my almost lifeless body
        I thought I knew you before
   But I discovered your secrets,
             Your lies
      The last ounce of love I had leaves
          As the final pile of dirt covers my eyes
      **Burying me alive

Forever is happening now
Seize the moment
It’s between our choices
We experience forever  
Forever lasts not long
But long enough for us
Few seconds makes a difference

I thought I was free
No, I KNEW I was
I'd witnessed myself crawl
helplessly out of the
merciless void
that sticks like
steaming tar
to my scarred skin
I prevailed only
days ago
Now it's as though
I've plunged
back into the abyss
that torments me so
with its
labyrinthine passages,
none of which truly lead
to the
romantic lie of
happiness
Like a sinful Puritan,
I fear the
inevitable dark,
for in the
absence of light,
I am punished by
mental illness
for innocent actions
the depression deems
"heinous"
So kiss me while you can,
I'm growing more exhausted
everyday
Hold my body while it's warm,
the blood that
courses through my veins
will soon instead
flow to the bathroom floor
Take my breath away
before I take it for myself

So many words describes about
kindness and sadness
I saw people often play with
but me,
just once feeling that beat
But i'm not really sure
i won't play
the last is worst
just believing
once more
and forever

the mirror
divides where
the partition begins
between broken and free

i touch the glass
it imitates me
copies my every move
i must be confused

i touch the glass again
it still imitates me
showing the contour lines
of my every ****** expression
but then its gone
i must be very confused

i look hard into the glass
i see my face
i look harder
but this time its different

i first see my flaws
my imperfect perfections
what makes me whole
why should i look like a brainless doll?

i look harder once more
into the glass
and i see something
far more different

i see the girl
with the piercing
dark grey eyes
who has everything in
her life just sorted out

but then i see
the girl
with dark black
holes in her sockets
instead of eyes

this girl has
many marks on her body
signifying how many times
she has been hurting

i see a marking
on her forehead
it says LOST
it then begins to
cut a wound
into her scull

i try to forget
all these disturbing images
i have seen in this mirror
forgive and forget

hasn't it always been about forgiving and forgetting?

i'm not sure i want to forget anymore.

i want to remember.

i turn back
and look at the girl
with the deep dark eyes
i then see her mouth move

who are you?

(b.d.s.)

And now...

I have come to realize how truly strong a person you are. Stronger than anyone I have ever met. To keep a secret like that, and never tell without crumbling.

And now...

I have come to realize what a selfish, self-centered ***** I really am to be so caught up in my own dumb mind with my own worthless problems that are NOTHING compared to what you withheld. I won't dwell too long on what an awful unsupportive friend and person I have been because that would once again be drawing attention back to me the selfish way I have been doing, but I feel like I have to say it at least once: I am so. so. incredibly. sorry. I never noticed or asked how you were or saw that something was wrong. I'm so so sorry I wallowed in that pathetic self-pity for so long just over my stupid issues that are so miniscule compared to yours, I basically want to whack myself in the head with my guitar I'm so ****** at myself. I am SO SORRY I wasn't there and I'm SO SO SO SORRY I surrounded you with my own dumb unnecessary negativity when you had enough of your own. I'm so sorry. I cried for nearly an hour last night out of anger with myself for not being a good friend and out of sorrow for your troubles and the pain you must be going through. You can almost always tell when I am upset somehow but that is like your odd supernatural inexplicable talent and I don’t have it. I wish I did, but I can tell when someone likes another person somehow almost always accurately but what use is that? I’m just so sorry from the bottom of my heart and I promise that beginning NOW and today I swear I am going to be here for you. I am so sorry for not being there. Okay, I’m going to stop going on about it now.
And now…
I can see everything I didn’t pick up on when I needed to so clearly.
And now…
I just want you to be okay. I JUST want you not to be in pain. I don’t know how to fix you but I’ll do anything I can to try.
And now…
I want you to know how brave you are, to go at it alone.
And now…
I want you to know, two years ago, we agreed “No Secrets”. Well, since then we have kept multiple secrets from one another. All of us. Since then that agreement has become less and less realistic. There will always be secrets and that is just a part of life.  I understand why you didn’t tell me sooner and I just want you to know that I am always prepared to drop literally everything of mine, physical, mental, and emotional to listen to you and care more about your problems than mine because yours are always and have always been far greater than any of my pitiful woes. I will always understand why you keep things from me, but when you choose to share it, in your own time, then I will always be there to listen and understand.
And now…*
I will never abandon you in this.


-Love Ember