The only person who cared enough
I treated as if they were less than they were worth.

The only one in the night I could like
I completely ignored.

It’s not that I don’t care...

It's just that I don’t understand.

People pass by all the time.

Life is like a movie
except badly written
and always ending
before you find the plots points.

Frustration!

As someone calls out and isn’t heard.

Frustration!

As the news become stale.

Frustration!

As I sit alone and write my hate.

Frustration!

As you read and form your opinion  
and miss what I mean.

On golden ray days
my sky is black and green.

My thoughts are off and broken apart,
and within the scattered, shattered, shards
you can almost make out...

Something recognizable...

Something you could almost believe in...

Something you could almost see inside your own reality.

The pineapple is the whole,
Whether in the ground
Or in your bowl.

Rock in hand; above, down, pound.
Crack the spiny hull.

Sweet juice is found.

There is a certain Beauty in Brokenness
And Purpose in Pain.

He smiled at me and said 'here, take this'

It was a happy little pill of his and it would feel bliss

I smiled and gave him a kiss saying, 'thank you baby'

But what happened next forever will drive me crazy

Next thing you know I was spinning in my head

Then he wanted to bring me to a bed

His friends walked in and wanted more

So they all called me a ‘***** little *****’

My body was numb and I couldn’t move

I let out a scream but they didn’t approve

Everything went black but then again I woke

But to them it was nothing but a funny little joke

They locked me inside of a walk in closet

So if there was a stir I sure wouldn’t cause it

I blacked out again and woke in a different place

Treating me as if my soul were missing and my body were a case

Still I was unable to move nor speak

But he still said he loved me and kissed me on the cheek

I counted five inhumane beings on top of me moaning

One was even playfully groaning

I was disgusted and wanted it to end

But I knew that after this my mind would never mend

By now it would have been a little past three in the morning

Earlier I should have taken that adorable face as a warning

When they realized I was sobering up

They had an alibi saying they’d call this a hookup

When I could finally move my mouth again

I realized what had happened and felt heavy chest pain

They heard that I was muttering words that were incomprehensible

They saw me as nothing more than a body and that I was dispensable

They came up with a plan to hide my body in a ditch

I even heard one say, 'she deserved it, what a stupid *****'

I hit my head when they threw me on the ground

I only saw black in front of me and around

I woke up to a woman asking if I were okay

I only said one phrase and it was that 'I was betrayed'

What happened after that is irrelevant at best

All I will say is that I was nothing but stressed

This is my story and it happened two years ago today

Nailing an image in my mind that I was a targeted prey

I know now that I hold so much more worth

And I love myself more than anything on this Earth

Just know that these words have come straight from my heart

No matter how vile and disgusting this memory is, I can never restart

So I tried to make it a poem so it seems like some kind of art.

h.m.w

I’m cocky, I’m clumsy,
Fumbling about everywhere;
Catching applause, dodging boos,
I am addicted to the fear.
Then, Cortisol spikes,
Please don’t leave me left alone again.
I’ve talked too long to Wall,
And it’s drips are dropping in.
From the lashes of my eyes
To my ten ice-tipped toenails,
I’m shivering, alone, destined to just—

—Warmth interrupts.
On my bed sits a Person.
I’m startled, taken aback.
I pressed end,
A new song began.
This person takes a gentle breath,
Blows it out light,
Expels all my demons.
A world's revealed, seems alright:
One where I don’t have to fight?
The binary: break through or break down?
Faking, then overtaxing, my mental might?
My complex analyses of everything,
—My foremost forte—
Was the invisible tangible holding me back.
How silly of me
To make power moves in a vacuum
At terminal velocity,
Until, by degrees, I was turned off track,
Distracted by these demented deals,
The fine print details that I needed, but lack,
And its back to the yard, then back to the—

—Warmth interrupts.
My Person takes my hand,
Pulls us back,
Till side by side
We lay.
I close my eyes,
And forget that wall,
Forget all those screaming caterwauls,
Forget the hate, the pain, the torture,
Though I still hear it call.

All it took was all there is,
Two hands clasped
In a bed for
One.