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Randall Walker Apr 2018
I’m split for time
So, offhand, here, I tip tap a rhyme
Dissecting and resembling
This Frankenstein text
Suffering, the ice of distance
Flagging the pole of our love
You’ve got a pull, no effort—enough!
Cursing the hailstorm that rains from above
And don’t get me started
See, I’m hardly smarting
Ice’s no price when you’re on thrice rejected
Yes, that’s no success
****, I’ve been there twice X neglected
—I’d guess you’d call that my best

So I turn from the possible
Down fantasy lane
Looking in the mirror at phantom me
Knocking on reflections, does it even have a name?
The ghost of the past made present with past pains
I swear these stains won’t come out
No matter how the tissue tears
No matter the boxes emptied out
Costco’s gonna need another round…

I shout into the silent replication
My reflected repetition
Distended, this pretender’s a sinner
Me? See, I’m a saint
And there’s no role for mercy
Hell, I’ll be thirsty when I’m thirty
And a little birdy told me you’re sturdy
So say hello to your pen-protector perfect nerd
Let’s curve the interrogation
Move on to you and I
Because honestly
I’ll lose if we get too far past “Hi.”
  Dec 2017 Randall Walker
to me
is taking
my pain
and making
it sing.
  Dec 2017 Randall Walker
I've forgotten the rush of pen to paper
I've diluted the taste of every life saver
I wanted to feel freedom from heartache
but couldn't feel as thought it was just a mistake
I need to write to feel alive
Letting out the toxins I use to survive
Breathing out my brains archive
Feeling free once again
Level headed and zen
Pen to paper I feel
Pen to paper shows emotions are real
  Dec 2017 Randall Walker
I have dreams where glass is thrown but nothing's breaking.
My hearts heavy and my hands are shaking.
I look at you and nothing's there,
Just a cold blank stare.
Like everything and everyone is something,
And I'm here alone and left with nothing.
I want to reach you but you're so far away,
Disconnected and in disarray,
Fear has taken over,
All goodbyes and cold shoulders.
Will I ever feel okay?
Will dreams all make sense one day?
Heat rushes through my veins,
It burns right through me and pours like rain.
No one can feel that but me,
I may be able to explain it, but you can't see.
So much beauty, but all I feel is hate.
I want to scream but there's no voice to penetrate.
I could yell but nothing comes out,
I'm all chewed up and spat back out.
  Nov 2017 Randall Walker
I want to be there for others who need me.
But I am barely there for me and when myself shouts for my embrace, I kiss it with violence.
Self destruction
  Nov 2017 Randall Walker
and then I asked you,
"What's your biggest fear?"

you gave me a quivering sigh,
looked at me straight in the eyes
and said,

"It's that eventually, you will see me
the way I see myself."
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