I look at the mirror, someone's staring at me.
I'm eighteen, oh gee.

I get out. Everyone's smiling.
"It's your birthday!", smiles all beaming.

Yet deep down I am filled with worry.
What will my life come to be?

But alas, it is my birthday.
I've noticed how much I've grown.
My face hardly changed,
but I know my actions have shown.

I am now legal.
A great time for most.
No, I will not be chugging down alcohol,
but I will write poetry to sing my songs.

When you first told me you cut yourself,
When I first saw the scars on your hands,
When you drowned your sorrows in alcohol,
When you took multiple Xanax pills.

When you constantly skipped school,
When you came back to school from time to time,
When you joked (perhaps not) about how everything makes you want to **** yourself,

I knew it was only about time.
Death was inevitable for you, and more of a matter of when.

I miss you, indefinitely.
I hope you are doing better.
Goodbye, my friend.
Rest in peace.

Strangers come and go,
As I sit all alone,
Thoughts going all over the place -
spiraling out of control.

I sit as my mind wanders.
My mind travelling to places I physically have not been
I am at the center of the Earth
Then suddenly I am flying high among the birds

Yet I remember I am merely sitting
Yet I remember of how trapped I truly am.

I sit.

My thoughts are ignored.
My ideas incapable of being translated into reality.

And I realize I am only but sitting.

I was merely clay
My master's hands molded me,
Shaped me to her own desire.
She loved me dearly,
telling me daily, how beautiful I was,
sharing with me her struggles.
All I knew, all the words that came out of my mouth,
a reflection of her, it was.
Only in her hands, held in captivity,
never seeing the light of day.
People looked at me from the sidelines,
not knowing what I was becoming
- a hardened soul.
I was with no one else for long enough,
I never knew the perspectives of others.
All I knew was the lessons she imparted.

One fine day I was put through the fire
Intense flames, I screech and scream,
begging for help.
Yet no one knew me,
no one was willing to help.

Eventually I left the fire,
Hardened, and cautious,
looking at everyone who did not come to my rescue.
I would never let anyone near me,
Never let anyone shatter me.

Little did I know she was the one who put me through the flames.

She no longer has control,
I am being put out there,
But I am hardened,
void of emotion, void of feeling,
I am in circles. I don't know how to leave this loop.

your cheery smiles and bright enthusiasm
propel me

your blessed souls and beautiful hearts
push me

your wonderful sense of camaraderie
helps me

you have been a great part in shaping my life
i know our time was brief
but you struck a chord in my heart
you have been nothing but great

does absence make the heart grow fonder?
only time will tell

but i say this to you:
keep radiating your joy to others
for the things you've done,
i will not forget

may we keep in touch
i'd love to hear from you

She's on top of a moving train
She has to make a jump
To get away from the mess of the previous carriage
She has to make a jump
Her soul is dependent on it

She has to make a jump
Her soul is weeping

She has to make a jump
She glances below
She has to make a jump
Fear entangles her, flesh crushing, blood spurting

She has to make a jump
Would she?