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Jade Jan 2019
⚠Trigger Warning; the following poem contains subject matter pertaining to suicide, self-harm, and eating disorders⚠
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how do u know if ur having a nervous breakdown
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signs of a nervous breakdown
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can u be hospitalized for having a nervous breakdown
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grounds for admission to a psychiatric ward
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what's it like being admitted to a psychiatric ward
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thirteen reasons why hannah baker suicide scene
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how do u know if ur having a panic attack
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are panic attacks and anxiety attacks the same thing
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whats the difference between a panic attack and an anxiety attack
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generalized anxiety disorder symptoms
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thirteen reasons why hannah baker suicide scene
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borderline personality disorder symptoms
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thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists
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why are my hands always cold
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prozac side effects
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thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists
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bipolar disorder symptoms
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seroquel side effects
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does seroquel make you gain weight
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thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists
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how to refrain from eating
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how to force yourself to throw up
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eating disorder symptoms
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binge eating disorder symptoms
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bulimia symptoms
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anorexia symptoms
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thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists
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insomnia
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can you overdose on melatonin
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thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists
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how did sylvia plath **** herself
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carbon monoxide poisoning
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thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists
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how many advils do I have to take to **** myself
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thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists
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major depressive disorder symptoms
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suicide warning signs
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IS PATH WARM
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thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists
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tortured artist
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why did vincent van gogh cut off his ear
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virginia woolf suicide note
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thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists
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songs about suicide
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thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists
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thirteen reasons why soundtrack
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billie eilish lovely lyrics
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thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists
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why do I feel so empty
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thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists
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empty
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thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists
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i wish i was dead
Don't be a stranger--check out my blog!

jadefbartlett.wixsite.come/tickledpurple

(P.S. Use a computer to ensure an optimal reading experience)
my stange addiction - Billie Eilish

No, Billie, I haven't done that dance since my wife died
There's a whole crowd of people out there who need to learn how to do the Scarn
Don't ask questions you don't wanna know
Learned my lesson way too long ago
To be talking to you, belladonna
Shoulda taken a break, not an oxford comma
Take what I want when I wanna
And I want ya
Bad, bad news
One of us is gonna lose
I'm the powder, you're the fuse
Just add some friction
You are my strange addiction
You are my strange addiction
My doctors can't explain
My symptoms or my pain
But you are my strange addiction
I'm really, really sorry
I think I was just relieved to see that Michael Scarn got his confidence back
Yeah, Michael, that movie is amazing
It's like, one of the best movies I've ever seen in my life
Deadly fever, please don't ever break
Be my reliever 'cause I don't self medicate
And it burns like a gin and I like it
Put your lips on my skin and you might ignite it
Hurts, but I know how to hide it, kinda like it
Bad, bad news
One of us is gonna lose
I'm the powder, you're the fuse
Just add some friction
You are my strange addiction
You are my strange addiction
My doctors can't explain
My symptoms or my pain
But you are my strange addiction
Bite my glass, set myself on fire
Can't you tell I'm crass?
Can't you tell I'm wired?
Tell me "Nothing lasts"
Like I don't know
You could kiss my as-king about my motto
You should enter it in festivals
Or carnivals
Thoughts?
Pretty good reaction
Pretty cool, right?
You are my strange addiction
You are my strange addiction
My doctors can't explain
My symptoms or my pain
But you are my strange addiction
Did you like it? Did you like that?
Um, which part?
A poem every day
14-2-20
Jonas ernest Aug 2019
I wish my name was Ryan or chase and I had no hobbies or interests outside of smashing hoes and the gym.
I wish I could just eat Panera everyday and drink with my bros and go to Peru with my daddy's money. I wish I had all the connections and sure-set entrance into the firm
I wish I could meet some newage ***** named McKayla with a flower sleeve who listens to imagine dragons and Bobby eilish and have some kids. I wish she'd cheat on me with Kevin and take all my money and then divorce me and accuse me of **** and send me to prison where I get ***** too. I wish my sons grew up to be junkies and overdosed on fentanyl. I wish my country became some culturless ******* devoid of value and meaning and was a consumerist nightmare and I worked like a peon for a bleak future. I wish I knew how to make spaghetti. I'm a ******. I wish I was gay amd cared about Taylor swift or popular media. I wish I had a loaded gun so I could go to the gun range like a normal sane practioner of the second amendment. I wish I could be god and make rainbows. I will stop now. It's so boring
Lol lol lol lol lol
i love you - billie eilish

It's not true
Tell me I've been lied to
Crying isn't like you
Oh-oh-oh
What the hell did I do?
Never been the type to
Let someone see right through
Oh-oh-oh
Maybe won't you take it back
Say you were tryna make me laugh
And nothing has to change today
You didn't mean to say "I love you"
I love you and I don't want to
Oh-oh-oh
Up all night on another red eye
I wish we never learned to fly
I-I-I
Maybe we should just try
To tell ourselves a good lie
I didn't mean to make you cry
I-I-I
Maybe won't you take it back
Say you were tryna make me laugh
And nothing has to change today
You didn't mean to say "I love you"
I love you and I don't want to
Oh-oh-oh
The smile that you gave me
Even when you felt like dying
We fall apart as it gets dark
I'm in your arms in Central Park
There's nothing you could do or say
I can't escape the way, I love you
I don't want to, but I love you
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
A poem every day
19/5/20
******* broken hearts - Billie Eilish

You can pretend you don't miss me (me)
You can pretend you don't care
All you wanna do is kiss me (me)
Oh what a shame I'm not there
You can pretend you don't miss me (me)
You can pretend you don't care
All you wanna do is kiss me (me)
Oh what a shame I'm not there
What is it you want?
You can lie but I know that you're not fine (oh yeah)
Every time you talk
You talk 'bout me but you swear I'm not on your mind
You can pretend you don't miss me (me)
You can pretend you don't care
All you wanna do is kiss me (me)
Oh what a shame I'm not there
Everybody knows
You and I are suicidal stolen art (oh yeah)
Pretty moments sews
Stitches into all your ******* broken hearts
You can pretend you don't miss me (me)
You can pretend you don't care
All you wanna do is kiss me (me)
Oh what a shame I'm not there
Somebody new
Is gonna comfort you
Like you want me to
Somebody new
Is gonna comfort me
Like you never do
Every now and then it hits me
That I'm the one that got away
But I guess being lonely fits me
And you were made for begging, stay
A poem every day.
13-1-20
Jade Feb 2019
⚠Trigger Warning; the following poem contains subject matter pertaining to suicide and self-harm ⚠
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May 30th, 2018

These wayward breaths
lead me to
the Dead Sea.

"This is where you belong;"
whisper the spirits
of The Deep--
"this is where all
broken things
come to die."

The Dead Sea
is my bathtub-
ramshackle tiles,
contorted shower rod
bowing under the weight
of the fraying curtain.

The water sprints
in a scalding race
from the tap,
its gurgling clamour
veiling the sound
of Billie Eilish
playing on the speaker
(isn't it lovely all alone?)

I stare at the Exacto Knife
clutched between my
water-pruned fingertips.

And
the moment you pick
up a knife instead of a
shoddy razor blade
from a dollar store
pencil sharpener,
you know you've
hit rock bottom
(did you know
the Dead Sea is
the lowest
point on earth?;
have you ever experienced
the remarkable plummet
of that kind of low?)

I trace the patterns
of invisible
constellations
on the terrain of
my flesh;
at first,
I am too afraid  
to press down
but when I do--
my god,
when I do--
I draw blood
with the same artistry
borne from a
painter's hand,
each laceration
a brush stroke closer
to someplace beyond this
sadness.
Don't be a stranger--check out my blog!

jadefbartlett.wixsite.com/tickledpurple

(P.S. Use a computer to ensure an optimal reading experience.)
Evangeline  Apr 2020
The Prologue
Evangeline Apr 2020
Let me set the scene.
I'm lying in bed, tissue box in close reach, trying to remember
what it was like to not be sick.

Switching between scribbling
in my diary and expressing
my thoughts and feelings in the margins of my new favourite book, trying
to write down and capture
every new understanding, new perspective,
all before I forget.
     And become the person I do not want to be, again.

I'm in a state of reflection and growth.
I'm in a constant battle with the idea of perfection.
I can now understand that self-awareness comes with the grave consequence
of self-realization.

Will I achieve self-actualization?
What does that look like?
Is it possible?
Am I worthy? After everything I've witnessed, thought, felt, and done.
Who determines that worth? Is it me, you, them, or him?

So, Billie Eilish's "No Time to Die"
and Lana Del Rey's "Young & Beautiful" loop
in the background, making everything that much more profound.

I zone out - thinking about the reality of having an old, tortured
yet romantic soul
in an era filled with superficiality.

I regain focus - thinking about my longing for summer,
a desire created from its association with love. See, once October hits I hibernate looking for comfort in a mate.
A mate who happens to be a good talker
but understands me.
Because that's all I have the energy for
until it's summer again.
See, in the summer I can love again.
Love him. Love life.
Love myself.
As I typed 'myself' I repeatedly misspelled it,
as if it couldn't be true.

Writing this I fill up on self doubt
wondering if I will ever gain the courage
to share myself with them
Completely.
I get frustrated,
thinking about how to tell my truth
in a lighthearted manner.

Again, my mind goes to summer
spending time with my family and friends
and finally swimming in the salt water again.
I have always been such a show-off
About how good I was at treading water
my whole life.
I grew up a quick sprint to the water
during a few points of my life.
And now I constantly long
for those destinations and many more.
Destinations where I'm a sprint away from treading water again.    
     Cause otherwise I'm drowning.

Simultaneously identifying with the character drowning and the character making the waves.
What are we all really drowning in?
In self-doubt?
   Guilt?
     Shame?    
                       Loneliness?

I apologize,                                         (sometimes)
sometimes when the unanswered questions
begin to form,
it's hard to snap back into reality.
The reality that the cruel history of our world
repeats itself,
wearing a new facade
each slimmer!
and shinier! then the next.
I play my part in the charade
just like everybody else.

Will I continue to neglect myself to do so?
When I'm meant to be healing.
Will I achieve this seemingly artificial idea of peace with oneself?
When I do nothing but criticize myself.  
Will I ever forgive myself for the
person I used to be?
Put her on the shelf next to the little girl with
enough sparkle in her eye
to make even Toronto feel bright?

Well, I'll just lie here
fantasizing?
       Romanticizing?
                     Idealizing?
Until that day comes.

Be kind,
Evangeline.
This prologue is an introduction to future themes of my poetry, enjoy! My letter to you and to myself.
Therefore I Am - Billie eilish

I'm not your friend or anything, ****
You think that you're the man
I think, therefore, I am
I'm not your friend or anything, ****
You think that you're the man
I think, therefore, I am
Stop, what the hell are you talking about? Ha
Get my pretty name outta your mouth
We are not the same with or without
Don't talk 'bout me like how you might know how I feel
Top of the world, but your world isn't real
Your world's an ideal
So go have fun
I really couldn't care less
And you can give 'em my best, but just know
I'm not your friend or anything, ****
You think that you're the man
I think, therefore, I am
I'm not your friend or anything, ****
You think that you're the man
I think, therefore, I am
I don't want press to put your name next to mine
We're on different lines, so I
Wanna be nice enough, they don't call my bluff
'Cause I hate to find
Articles, articles, articles
Rather you remain unremarkable
Got a lotta interviews, interviews, interviews
When they say your name, I just act confused
Did you have fun?
I really couldn't care less
And you can give 'em my best, but just know
I'm not your friend or anything, ****
You think that you're the man
I think, therefore, I am
I'm not your friend or anything, ****
You think that you're the man
I think, therefore, I am
I'm sorry
I don't think I caught your name
I'm sorry
I don't think I caught your name
I'm not your friend or anything, ****
You think that you're the man
I think, therefore, I am
I'm not your friend or anything, ****
You think that you're the man
I think, therefore, I am
A poem every day
3/9/20
manya  Aug 2020
A WAY OUT
manya Aug 2020
whenever I see you
I feel you on my skin
Memories come sliding
Of what we have been


Now your lovely stranger
Knows the way you taste
All memories are forgotten
But yours is somewhere cased


This inquisition I hold in me
To search for myself
And for the world to see


Now I stand distant
Let the feelings sag
Ha! Eilish sings her own
"isn't it lovely, all alone".


                            Manya Pandey🌼
I'm almost 25. Right now I'm really feeling you, 2019.
Here.
Was listening to Billy Eilish earlier, and watching Euphoria.
Feel this
so much sometimes, get such a sense of our contemporary culture.
Remember
this day, these moments in time; I felt emotion, and briefly fled my home.
Twenty-Nineteen draws to a close.

— The End —