you cannot
be at the summer cookout
eating chips, with my mom’s
famous
seven layer dip
and say
“i just want the beans, thanks”

while with your ***** finger
you push off
the - delicious, might i add -
4 cheese mexican blend
wipe off
the sour cream
onto the side of the dip bowl
pick
the strands of lettuce
off of your Tostino’s Scoop

before you are satisfied enough
to savor that bite.

no. you will take your chip
and you will dunk it
and get a piece
of every single layer
you cannot pick and choose
which ingredients to eat
out of a dish
that has already been made

but this is not the family cookout
this is oppression.

this is to all my women
who support gender equality
and claim to be feminists
yet belittle and dehumanize our
transgender sisters.
one less safe space.

this is to all my white people
who believe in LGBTQ rights
but are "all lives matter"
and the moment someone brings up
racism,
you tell them racism doesnt exist.

this is to my best friend,
who is an activist
of ending all of the above.
yet, who pulls my sleeve and says, “look
how fat that woman is
i can NOT believe she went out in that.”

you cannot pick and choose
when it comes
to
equality.

you can not
eat the seven layer dip
and go for the beans
while ignoring the rest.

accept.
acknowledge.
listen.
change.
try a bite of the dip
with all the seven layers
i promise
it will taste
even better
than before.

The perfect night,
Full of light, not flight--
With dreams of olives!
(And feta in our sights!)

The drinks,
The dancing,
Rock n' Roll--
Naked Munchkin fantasy
Stole my soul!

I miss you my sweets,
It's been too long a week.
I'm pining for Cookout,
Divergent, and Wednesdays wearing Pink.

"where did all it start to go wrong,
when my doctor told me i didn't have long,
cancer treatments too **** expensive-
wife's in charge and I'm **** retentive,

can't get a job,can't get a loan,
maybe I can figure how to work from home?
My future's like Heisenberg,too uncertain,
provide for my family,before its curtains...

I'm a chemistry teacher and chemistry rules me,
but so many unknown's too easy to fool me,
but how can I do it?can't even guess,
unless,unless,I start to cook ****?

Unless as a teacher I get someone to school me,
I know the principles(principals), just need the tools,see,
I can't tell my wife-can't tell my son,
that my stars burning out like a fading sun,
a trailer park cookout,will it be a mess,
first batch *****!(Jesse sample)total **** success,
but success in this business can lead to death,
p.e. number one,-Heisenberg of ****,

Gotta deal with this ******,name of Tuco,
might shake your hand,cut your throat or shoot you,
I was a 9 to 5 loser-happy teaching chemistry,
now I deal in in death,spreading pain and misery,
My partners a ******,my wife doesn't get-

That I'm like a medical examiner,surrounded by death,
Jesus Jesse you're a pane in my ***,
it's looking clear to me,you're too fond of the glass,
mirror mirror,where's the fairest price for us?,
I've heard of this one guy,name of Gus...

i could just put on your jacket
i shouldn’t but i will
i’ll explain that it’s cold outside
that i just didn’t want to carry it
or i don’t know maybe
i could finally admit that i think
you should just let me keep it
i think it’ll end up in my closet
someday anyway

I gave you what you needed,
To set the sparks we breathed,
But that was never enough for you,
When it was enough for me.
We used to flame the ground,
Dirt now liked in ash,
We started the biggest wildfire,
but the flames could never last.
Yeah,we made a wildfire,smoke lit the sky,
But it all cleared up,when you left my life.
Now you're gone,the fires died down,
And im ashes in the rubble of remains.
I nolonger smell the lovely scent of the smoke you created,
Barbeque cookout in the middle of July,
Now all I smell is gasoline from your decent to flee away,
Without a goodbye or any say.
I nolonger feel the heat of your skin that'd keep me warm at night,
It's all dark and cold and scary,dont have your fire as a light.
I don't have the confidence I used to have,
you set the flame and burned it out,
Wonder if livin without cha is worth it.
My sky is clear for me while it's smoke for someone else,
?eft my prairie of daises and roses for a forest of trees and elk.
I have no more flames with me,theyre for another land,
But I wish you could disclaim it,come back,
Give me a chance.
Yeah,we used to make wildfires,
And smoke would light the sky,
And even though the fires gone,m
My love for you still burns on,
And my sparks seen by every eye.

i've been a woman for nineteen and a few months years
and i've never looked at waitstaff
and asked
can i get that with a side of guilt?
but i should have
because it feels like that's what i
am ordering
instead of fries because
all the salt in the world
can't cover up the taste of guilt and self loathing i feel for eating sometimes
this is for all of the ladies i know who look at cookies
longingly, but tell themselves no
only to eat an entire box of them later
and cry
and most women will never admit to it
but i've been there
and cookies don't taste so good when
you're tossing them up
and this is for the ladies i have watched in the grocery store
eyeballing the candy bars like they are men in dark
allies or
snakes in the grass
because the magazines sitting right beside
them are watching you watching that candy bar watching you watching your weight watching those inches around your waist watching you
and telling you that you aren't good enough
a moment on the lips forever on
the- hold that ******* thought
because my lips and hips have two things in common-- they are big
and they want all this
******* to stop
every time a woman prattles off how many calories are in a drink
i can't help but correct her in my mind because
i know for a fact that there are five more calories in that than she told me
because i've been counting calories and playing games with my stomach since
second grade.
i may be **** at algebra, but i know intake out-take math like
i know the smell of my grandma's cigarettes.
eating meals with other women
is unbearable because i am tiered
of having to eat entire cinnamon buns
to myself because
my friends wont split them with me
and i'm tiered of watching women
talk about eating too much but
wanting to get
back
on
it
tomorrow like
feeding themselves is a crime
and so the next time i go to
cookout for a blueberry shake
i'll ask you to leave out the guilt
because it fills my throat up
like sand and my teeth
are brittle and tired from being
bared and ground
while i
battle with myself
over the baked goods at
a coffee shop
wondering if
i feel like hating myself
today

Holiday!! Holiday!!
A Day off of Work
Yay Yay
A Holiday!!!

But he remembers
The Gray stone
called Granite
As You take life for granted

Party!! Party!!
Who having a Cookout
Yay Yay
A Holiday!!!

They just told him
This is your dad
Just a name
On a concrete slab

Happy!!! Happy!!
Chillin Out
Yay Yay
A Holiday!!

But he burns a candle
Places a rose
kneels to pray
On Memorial Day....

~

She reached for the ribbons of her gown
not knowing why, but she held them in her hand
as she floated through the ever changing mist,
whites and grays in a swirling pattern,
mesmerizing in blends and shifts,
blurred yet possessing a clarity she could not explain
or cared to think about right now

She looked down on herself in her bed sobbing,
clutching tightly a dampened pillow, lonely, missing…
now confused as a peaceful awareness
wrapped about her warmly,
caressing her spirit, washing away the pain,
the sadness, the torment which she fought now to remember
as it drifted below, creating new shadows about her feet
but distant, never forgotten, she couldn’t, it was promised…

Once more the satin ribbons were pulled gently, guided
as if a feather laced kite on a silver string embracing blue skies,
dancing about in the slow rhythm, spun in clouded dreams,
breathless she soars higher, it seems towards the sun
or perhaps a light of a different source, it felt soft, cool
beckoning her and she yearned for it…
for some reason it felt right

Stars swept past her in wiry glistening designs
like a sparkler at a summer cookout waved through the air
in abstract lemonade glowings and apple pie tickles  
and she smiled, for the first time in a long time as the 
moon disappeared on the horizon, embracing this experience
She continued allowing the tender tugs on her ribbons to
move her freely, when she felt something, it was a hand on
hers, helping her hold the ribbons, it felt familiar,
safe, comforting

When she saw his eyes, as clear as she had ever seen anything,
deep and friendly, soothing
just as she had remembered…remembered?
He took her by the hands and he came even more into focus
“Hi there, I have missed you,”  he sighed and she knew it was him
He was here, wherever here was, holding her now as he said,
“I promised I would love you eternally, I couldn't have you then,
so I have waited for you"    
She cried , happy tears as she whispered. “You did, you did, is this…”

“Shhh,” he placed a caring finger to her lips…
*”This is our eternity my love”

It was time for our annual cookout
That's when my wife asked me please
"If you get the time and you don't mind,
Could I ask you to please cut the cheese?"

I have to admit I was puzzled
I couldn't imagine what she means
So that's when I went to the kitchen
And opened me some beans

By the time I was finished
The people started to amass
My wife said, "It's time to get started,
Would you please pass the gas?"

So off I went to get some more beans
By now I was getting pretty full
Trying to figure out who would be first
To offer my finger to pull

By the time I got back it had started
But it ended in minutes to my shame
I burned down half of the city
I was standing too close to the flame