And then I woke up.
I woke up one day
and everything was different,
Finally there was colour again.
-
I could see silver in the clouds,
Emerald in the grass,
Topaz painted across the mountains on the horizon.
Sapphire in the sky and obsidian amongst the stars.
I was alive again.
-
This time I'll be better,
My armour thicker,
My wits sharper,
My fists unscathed,
My tongue poisonous,
like the biblical snake upon the ear of eve.
I am born again,
I'll run each day,
Train each day.
I'll eat only the finer foods,
For nutrition and not taste.
All the while my mind will be honed, sharpened like a ****** blade.
Chemistry, biology, physics, mathematics.
I'll lay the stepping stones towards Valhalla,
My path towards the übermensch.

N.H.

I’ve come to learn recently, or perhaps it’s better said ‘relearned’ that people aren’t to be trusted.
I’ve rediscovered that people are not some endless pool of bountiful happiness and fairytale happily-ever-after endings. People are bitter, bitter hedonists at heart. And like drugs they’ll smile and they’ll wink and fool you into thinking that they are what happiness is, but the truth is… Or at least in my case, the truth is that real happiness can only come from inside yourself.
-
I’m starting to think that all those monks spending a lifetime looking for enlightenment and happiness must be right in their own bald and orange-clad way.
-
I see it as like a state of plateau, where you finally understand that the only person you want to trust, or impress, or love unconditionally or be loved unconditionally by, is yourself. And i think that in most of the extreme moments of happiness you’ve ever found yourself in, this is what you feel, or some form of this. Because being with people you enjoy or being enjoyed by people or travelling or ******* or eating or whatever you fancy as happiness is just a way of making yourself whole, a self-approval based on outside influence or approval.
-
Because when it comes down to it, long after that person that made you believe that they would be there isn’t. Or that guilty pleasure has run it’s course and left you with nothing but a little guilt. One person remains, and although you might have arguments or disagreements from time to time. Or even though they may even insult you or hurt you sometimes, they will always be there at their fullest capacity. It’s your love of yourself, but the only way that you can be together fully, is if you confess your unconditional love for one-another.
-
The true path to happiness is to rebel against everything in this life that believes that they hold some semblance of control over the state of your happiness and self-love. I think that in doing this, you’ll eventually find a way to light up like a lantern to all the insects of the night. You’ll find those who only wish to bask in your glowing warmth in the dead of night instead of steal it.

N.H.

I've developed a blinding frustration.
A frustration once latent that has been slowly building and bubbling away recently.
Looming until it finally started cracking thread-like lines across my surface,
branching off into intricate,
spider web patterns.
-
My vision is tunneling and my hands so often begin to shake now,
I feel like a surgeon operating somewhere in the antarctic.
A struggling attempt to contain a white-hot, existential rage.
I’m driving a vehicle of sentience,
and in the passenger seat is some invisible,
insatiable need to fight, **** or explode.
He’s begging me to let him drive for a while.

N.H.