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I could not wait for
these words to leave me
at first they were these
little pleasures
these sweet secrets
I whispered to myself
when the lights were dim
and the stars came out
feelings wrapped in a
warm towel
placed on my soul
to comfort me
when I was alone
but the longer I held
them inside me and
kept them to myself
the more they started
fester inside me
to go bad
like a fruit
to break open and spread
a poison inside me
so when I heard them
I felt sick
I didn’t know
feelings had a shelf life
There she is:
naked and fickle on
the floor, *******
marrow out of
soup bones; her
*******
busy with
living things.

The muse plays
hide
and seek
like a spoiled
little child, as I
sit with
sterile white
paper.
I think I see
her from the
corner
of my
eye, but when
I look,
she is gone, like
the last Dodo bird.
I yell, "Are you dead? "
NOTHING.
And then she
appears
dimly through
the glass and
gives
me a hard one,
fierce, right behind
the eyes,
in that still small
place where sullen
shadows
dance to Wagner, while
sparrows burn and there's
a smell of
Spider Mums, and
funerals.

Then, she's gone like
the Cheshire cat.
(the grin remains.)
I get another
drink, hoping to
swallow and consume
her- to become one.
It doesn't work.
I get
frustrated, pace the
worn out
carpet, like a
caged tiger

Writer's block is
hell.
It's worse than
celibacy and
bologna.
Far worse than
constipation, or not
being able to ***.
It's like missing
the vein, or
dying of thirst in the desert.
It's like being
dead, but alive.

And
finally at
last
it's over (she consummates the deal)
and the words and
lines flow like
rain in Seattle in
the springtime.
I can
see the ***** in
the rose.
Taste
the sweet potato sky,
plant flowers in concrete, and
beat Mr. Death in
a game of go fish.
And
strangely,
it all smells like
home,
eternity,
and two-week old
puppies dreaming of
Mother's milk.
This is one of my better ones on writer's block
At twenty five
I threw myself
through bonfires,
looking for a
life beyond the
wood smoke angel.

I would drink
a tenth bottle,
& curse the heart
repeating like a
stuck needle
in the black
groove of years.

Past the burning
rye at the edge
of the wood
cars never stopped
moving, white
pulses dropping
into the well of
the far distance,
folding into the
yellow chambers.

I cancelled myself
quietly on the dark
porch corner
in the watery night.

Then a dozen
years were thrown
across my life.

It's not possible
to explain everything.
But know that I
played roulette
with the sun.

I broke the moon
with song
& repaired it
with verse.

I filled my palms
with grass
& drank the
greenness.

I hurt, terribly,
a breaking sleep.
I lived underneath
a residual shine.

And then you,
my ace of cups.

I lay in the
secret rectangle
while you told
me of the snow
brothel.

I watched metal
birds slouch
the sky.

I walked
the theater
of the lawn
and found
you laughing.

Darling,
those years delivered
me to you like a
letter.

If you
unseal me,
everything you
find inside
is yours.
 Jan 2021 Sam Lawrence
ju
Tattoo
 Jan 2021 Sam Lawrence
ju
We angled ourselves to face Lyra-
I turned repeatedly to him.
Hid in a blanket-cocoon we
beat a rhythm of fingertip-dreams.

We angled ourselves to face Lyra-
I turned repeatedly to him.
He rained prayers and promises;
a sky-full of stars fell down unseen.

We angled ourselves to face Lyra-
I turned one last time to him.
Pinned dead-butterfly colours
to his mouth, his tongue, his skin.
-


feel the heaviness
of invitations
bold,

free fall of purpose,
dissolving into a
whirlpool

circling it's center
thinning number
by number

ten, nine, eight,
se—seven,
six, five,

four~

feather tips
stroking
underneath
upturned
palms

three~

fingertips
light­ly
touching
delicate
doorways

two~

steps away from
loose earth at
the edge,

giving way
to

one ;

submerged as the
membrane above
sleep vaporizes

into web-footed
thrusting through
currents

with "up" rotated
lateral
across the
undertow and
pulling you beneath—

breathe...



s jones
2021



.
01 Jan 2021
A stupid person
warms himself on the ashes
of his own pride
Couldn't resist one more!
i.
i've met god
he's lying six feet deep
in the rare greens of chicago
where the trees make up for the emptiness
the loss
the silence

the grass seems so frightening for its purpose
but yet so full and comforting
i don't blame the slumber

i blame the normality of it all
i cannot keep swallowing grief and pretending it doesn't hurt me
 Dec 2020 Sam Lawrence
R L
tears of pain and fear,
of losing you here,
and holding on to you,
was never so easy,
i don't want to let go,
so please don't leave me,
in this dark world
you helped me through,
i need your love and protection
so take me with you
letting go of somebody is really hard. :(
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