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B
it
was
like "a"
mirror!
what you
see, is what
you get about my*
Behavior!But sometimes
there are some "c" whose
*
reflections were so true lies!
if i were a thing...
I am a life-size mirror!
you can cover my Behavior
but not my cHARACTER!

#shapeofapparition101
My car is in the bat cave,
The lower chamber's lit;
All the doors are locked,
The drapes don't leave a slit.
I'm in here all alone,
Haven't shaved for days;
My fingers need attention,
My bed is like my grave.
There's dishes in the kitchen sink,
The refuse starts to stink.
I'm underground.
No calls, no texts, no tweets.
I have my bread and butter,
If only I could eat.
I have a need to peek outside
Where the living own the streets.
I'm better off than dead,
I'll rise up from this sleep;
Don't call my name
To call me forth,
At present I'm too deep.
When time is ready,
And I'm steady,
I'll push aside the lid,
Walk from this crypt,
Abandon ship,
And bask in light above.
 Jan 2016 Sam Y Starlight
Summer
my heart is getting fat on your love.
it is keeping me full.
i have forgotten what it feels like,
to be starving.
to be hungry.
when you smile at me,
my heart gets more fat fat fat,
And my smile gets more wide wide wide.
you tell me beautiful things,
and my heart grows about six sizes,
and so does yours when i tell you them back.
my heart feels as if it is going to burst out of my chest.
maybe even swallow me whole,
until I am a big fat walking heart.
at this point
it seems like a very lovely idea.
but then,
you tell me,
my poems are pathetic
and cliche.
my heart shrinks abound two sizes.
but when I see your **** green eyes it grows four.
my heart is constantly growing thin thin thin and then fat fat fat
while yours seems to be doing the same.
when my heart grows thin
it brings my whole body pain,
it makes me feel like all of me is shrinking.
my heart has been more than full for so long
and now I am remembering
how much it hurt to have hunger.
to be starving.
to have empty space near my chest.
although there is more room for my ribcage,
i still cry at night for the spaces not filled by you.
when my heart grows fat again,
i forget about the empty spaces,
i am only focused on
how much of me has become filled again.
become focused on being
a big fat walking heart.
love consumes me.
at those times,
i think that it makes up all of me.
when my heart is fat fat fat.
if I had spent more time alone,
hungry.
thin .
starving.
i may have known the difference
between loving you
and thinking
i needed you to survive.
So we meet again (my dearest love)
It's been awhile since you have taken over my thoughts.

My heart welcomes you,
but my brain rejects you (my familiar addiction)
I can now see why they call love a drug.

Time without you brings heartbreak, loneliness,
and eventually happiness.

Whereas time with you brings heartbreak and loneliness
(disguised as happiness)

You crawl under my skin (my dearest love)
and I can't control it.
I can't escape.
love drug happiness loneliness addiction
Curtains,
an invention made to hide,
to protect.
Curtains
are made
to give a sense of security;
isolation well-deserved.
But
Curtains,
can be dangerous.
Curtains
can keep you from the truth,
keep you from your life
outside your life.
Curtains
can make you feel stranded
and helpless.
Curtains
can make someone go crazy,
crazy enough to take a bottle,
keys,
and a gun.
Curtains
will make you drive around for two days,
THINKING
about your two sons.
Curtains
will make the hot fat tears roll down your face
in embarassment and pain and agony.
Curtains,
will put that one bullet in the gun,
put that gun to your head,
and pull.
Curtains,
will blind,
and lie,
and ****,
and tear,
and rip,
and hurt
you,
if you let it.
I wrote this for Momma Renee. She committed suicide this weekend at thirty-five years old, leaving her two boys and a trail of tears. No one saw it coming. She took anti-depressants because her doctor thought she needed them. She stopped taking them and made stupid decisions. I am typing this at 12:44 am because I cannot sleep. I love and miss her so much.
It's almost as if I scream into their ears
               and they don't hear me.
I grasp onto them
               but they don't feel me.
I draw on my body with a blade
               but they don't see me.
I'm invisible.
They all lie together now,
Those who hate and the ones they hated.
The short and tall, rich and poor
Ones who worked and those who lazed away their lives...

They all sleep together, equals here, even though some have massive
stones to mark their passing, others just flat bricks
with a weather worn name

And when they wake in some other place
this will have been a bad dream they shared.
Raw, earnest power
Staid, made love flowers
Binds, twines, enlightens
Free, not-free, frightens
Tender heart, alive
Sincere yearnings, strive,
Seeking you, and me
To see and be made
New this day, afraid
Unconditional
And sensational!
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