Sheets of ice are melting
and so is the ice in my glass
I’m drinking it fast so I can spit
words about you, like why are we
doing this dance in sneak shoes?
Why don’t we throw them off and
everyone else and come together
before the caps melt and get
lost in the weather; let’s converge
my high pressure and your low
and blow everything away when
our winds merge and spiral out
of controlling hands—there will be
little sands left to lay, but our plans
will involve nothing and no one
day after day until we drown in
the global flood pooling closer;
if you’re not ready to stay
I guess we’ll die alone
like we’re all meant to anyway

I want to stay a
balled up cocoon in my bed
for eternity.

The longer you wait,
the longer you’ll be waiting
for the thing you want.

I am the subject

of my own misfortune; the

idle passerby

Being bolder by
broadening borders bound by
basic black belts

I wish people stuck
around like they like to
stick you with feelings

Apologizing

is difficult when you feel

so indifferent

How long until this

predicament without wheels

might screech to a halt?

I’ve got chills; my face

is still, absorbing the flame

flickering black cherry

Belting and stretching;
Exercising my soul and
lengthening my reach.

Even on bright days,
rain can still persist, pouring
like tears down windows

Stranded in my dreams,
with fear strangling me, and
love falling to death.

The rhythm has finally changed

You never expect it so soon

Suddenly neither one cares

When one has an open wound

From where it came matters not

What steps will you take to heal?

Disappearing in the imaginary abyss won't help

unless coming back with something real

The winged sap wades alone

equipped with a razor sharp edge

only when she flies does it dull,

softening to become fully fledged

Singing to herself across the break

as she coasts closer to the peak

Time passes by another week

Another long time and still no sounds

And in that silence, she drowns

Encased in a box
is the magic of Christmas
none could manage out.

There is a cold chill
throughout this house without lights
and the smell of pine.

In training mode I
remembered you and us in
bed and I shivered.

Sighing under my breath when
  They appear
I say home is where I’d like to be
  but I’m lying through my teeth
Anywhere else, I’d rather be
  than standing here, scanning,
maintaining smiles a plenty
When in my head, the marquee spins
  I DON’T CARE
about your benefits
about your money peeking from your pocket
about your cabinet installation
about what you spend a year
  I feign stabbing my eye socket
sliding my pointer finger across my throat
  wrapping both hands around it — choke me
  please, help me lose consciousness
so I may be excused from the hustle and
bustle and *******, I’m quitting this
  moment before my chest bursts with the
white hot intensity of condensed nerves and
pity when I look out before me and see
  strangers existing, constantly bewildered
  by everything, looking helpless, lost, frustrated
and the marquee spins
  I DON’T CARE
If I allow myself to connect
If I allow myself in their shoes
If I allow myself to care
  I would become
  one of Them
feeling helpless, lost, frustrated
and I would never be able to
maintain a smile or leave my bed

Off days are a rare
thing for me as of late. I
have no time to waste.

Too content to write
even about exhaustion
from working so much.

Your soft lips make me
wish I had asked to join your
refreshing shower

I will not attack
my lack of activity.
I am still alive.

April didn't have
nearly as many showers
as May brought for June.

I can feel it in
the air--the world becoming
consciously aware.

Around the corner,
here comes Valentine's Day; the
day I shoot myself

Framed beauty through a screen
  with added accessories
Painted movement so pristine
  garnishing the best of me
Looking deep into a darkness
siphoning a will long lost
Emerging from the crevice created
by breaking boundaries at a cost
Morphing my form to fit my soul
Desperately wanting to fill its hole

I feel this is going nowhere

And I’m just here for your ego

To know I’m still a fish on the hook

For when you’re ready to eat

You make no efforts of security

Or curiosity, and preached about depth when

You’re standing in the shallow end

I should know your plagiarized speeches

And your fake woke phrases

The grand risings happening are the realizations in my head

That you use your mouth for talking but not giving head

The energy faded as soon as you had your cake

That post-sugar high come down

Spoiling your appetite for something sustainable, savory, and fresh

The only thing you’re craving

Is the sweet taste of flesh

Uncertainty *****
with me mentally. It is
a bother to me.

Orange captures
Green soothes
Blue mellows
Red moves

Yellow calms
White blinds
Brown warms
Black binds

Sometimes I wish
my over-thinking would
short circuit my brain and
leave me brain-dead.

Sometimes in mirrors
I rehearse conversations
I will never have.

Sometimes I think you
are passively avoiding me
or actively ignoring me.

Sometimes I want
to be so turned on
that I never turn off.

Sometimes I can’t sing
from my soul because
it’s buried beneath my heart.

Sometimes I just listen
to the nothingness
and the noise, but I’m
lost in the silence

Contacting a friend,
who doesn't reply back; you
feel like a dead-weight.

Have you met my friend Shame?
He’s not really my friend, he’s kind of a **** actually
Yet I keep him around
He’s not the best company,
he really brings me down.
I don’t ask for his opinions, he just barks them at me
telling me you’re stupid, you ****
you’re not good at anything
you don’t care about anything, really
you’ll never be where you want to be
He hovers like the annoying office-space pusher
and drones on, and on, and on
about how it doesn’t matter if you feel good
because you’re never gonna be good
and how everything you do is inadequate
(compared to whom, I have no idea)
and everything you say is incorrect
(on what scale, I can’t imagine)
and how you will never be able to accept
what you think you deserve
because you don’t deserve anything
(how dysfunctional to say)
And while this nihilist is that and more,
I continue to bade in his company
Buying into his lines a little deeper each time
He has quite the convincing nature,
for he just keeps going on and on
He says I don’t deserve anything
I definitely don’t deserve this

I want to stay up late and write about everything I hate
Everything stemming from a lack of humanity
Why am I living through this time of insanity
Is it to make me stronger, capable of anything great?
It is more pain and struggle to endure
More thoughts to flood my waking mind
and stifle my gasping breath
What a time to be alive
when close contact is killer
and true vulnerability is exposure
When connection is weak and the circuits are short
Isolation is preferred to stave that depression wave
that everyone rides at some breaking point or another
The swell is huge and I have had my fill
Swimming to the bank to cash my earnings in clothes
Drinking alkaline for balance over all of the swill
Doomsday prepping for anything goes
Leaning on what’s left of my will

Smoky hues are what I see

Smoggy vapors hindering me

Suffocating my esophagus

Closing the gap for air

I take advantage of breathing fine

Until the taste of that sooty despair

Post-coughing fit drip

Trickles down smooth muscle

Dispersing harmful combatants

Respiratory defenses on high

Propelling toxic slime

Attacking vulnerable minds

I'm sick for your voice.
Hearing my name from your lips
is the only cure.

The only words I
can manage to force are the
ones I want to hide

There is little I can stand
  I grow very bored
for lack of attention span
someone has cut the cord
but I’d rather have it this way
than to leave my gaze swayed
by faces and places replacing
the finer things at which I could gawk
  like side-walk scribblings
executed with chalk
  like ants working busily building
bridges made of leaves
  like envisioning fresh fruits
dangling their bloom from trees
I am not disinterested in the world
  but what the world sees
Ignorance spouting animosity
No understanding or appreciation
for what we really are
  Straight denial
at the idea we come from stars
So hooked onto what is hovering above
judging and toying in return for our love
Are our thoughts really our own?
Are the decisions we make always known?
  I question but never deny
the fact that my life is a lie
Some truths are never told
some mysteries never solved
The world will keep spinning
distractions will keep brimming
until we’ve lost ourselves entirely
and into the universe we dissolve

Chemicals in my
brain cause me to fixate on
your bright entity

Soft as a fledgling
caressing my face
Nature's whimsy

I’ve realized you
are worth more trouble than I
can really afford.

Still, in the fourth quarter
Disabled, a depressed hoarder
Permeation meets ideation
Tectonic joints sliding away
Collapsing Ebony Atlas
In ruin and decay
Water and rock erode away
Foundation, damaged
Weakened support
Overwhelm and pressure
Leading to the break
Dreaming about the long sleep
Paralyzed while awake