I was a caterpillar ,
before I became a butterfly .
The pain I had to endure in order to transform into the beauty I am today .
This is my tale .

In the forest there was,
My cocoon wrapped in the finest silk,
With a power to live in a colorful world.
To dream and conquer goals.
A Vivacious soul spinning in the purest silk
Growing and maturing as I spun.
Wishing for freedom with my beautiful wings,
Counting the days to be free and soar
as a lively butterfly
until
You winded into my community
Lured my queen and her uneven monarch.
Tempted to sabotage my purity.
For that you,
Lured yourself into my vulernable cocoon
with that trust,
you decided to disrupt my process.
How can one man ruin my nesting site?
And I had faith in you ,
to be a figure
I never had.
I wanted.
My heart ached for it.
I needed it.
To be loved .
To be nurtured.
To never be like those stray dogs
looking for a home.
This was the moment .
Where....
Innocence stripped, heart captured.
My Freedom gone.
You were naive to comprehend
On what you were doing...
You would stab my cocoon
with your sickening poison .
Over and over you stabbed .
Ruptured the veins of my innocence .
To break my finest silk .
Purity banished.
Stabbing your poison was
Making my cocoon
useless ,
worthless ,
unwanted,
colorless,
I tried to run and I tried to scream
but I was devoured by this poison
It was the love I deserve.
Couldn't escape , numb to the pain
For every poison injected, I began to
Question God?
Where was he ?
when I shed out a tear of help.
Where was he?
when my cocoon was destroyed.
Was I loved God?
when I muffled help in your name.
I hated myself ,
I stay in my cocoon
afraid to see my future.
I wasn't going to be a beautiful butterfly
Battered Butterfly
My life seemed to be colorless
No one wants a battered butterfly
My life....
It seemed it had ended
when poison sunk onto my helpless body .
No one wants a battered butterfly
Imprisoned to these chains.
Being poisoned every night by different
Predators.
Oh God....
Those predators ...
Battered lifeless little butterfly
Was I ever loved in my nesting site?
But then again nobody loves a battered butterfly
How can I reach to heaven when
I was worthless.
Believed I was a vile *****.
Tricked into a poison of hell.
Battered Ugly Butterfly
***** Little butterfly.
There was no light in tunnel
There was no holes in my silk
To escape this poisonous nest.
Why?
Because I believe nobody wants save a battered butterfly
How can the man I trusted ruined me.
I thought you could be the one to complete my lovely monarch .
To complete the missing piece.
But you continued to misuse me.
To haunt me.
To barricade my heart
To own my soul
But one thing I can truly say
You never once won over me.
You never imprinted my change.
I endured your pain
That was a sign of God
To show me what strength I am capable of.
That was the light that I found,
You had no control to inflict pain anymore.
Because I became impervious to your pain.


I am a beautiful butterfly
reigning over my monarch
with no thought of you.
**That is my freedom

we would be jazz—
smooth, mellow,
soul-damning.

burning with slow passion
or running and stumbling with joyous laughter.
no matter where we go—
up or down,
fast or slow,
we’d hit all the right notes,
replete with trills and runs,
bringing us to both highs and lows,
making beautiful melodies.

though sometimes
we seem to be out of sync,
it does not discount
from the beauty
that is us.

nothing subtracts.

there is only harmony,
no cacophony.
simplicity or complexity,
staccato or legato,
we will always be
jazz.

Maybe it was the way fate intertwined our lives together on that warm summer day, or maybe it was the way he looked at me as if I was the most beautiful flower he'd seen amongst all the others in the garden. Whatever it was that caused my heart to fall for his, I am blessed.
The beauty of one's love for another is equivalent to every breathtaking sunset I have laid my eyes on and every single star that I have made a wish upon.
I found beauty within our hushed whispers and deafening silences, along with the moments of laughter and smiles reaching from ear to ear.
He was the most beautiful shades of color I had ever seen. Not a single rainbow could compare to the warmth and radiance he emitted.
Maybe it was the way he kissed my nose when I was angry- such a simple gesture, but it wasn't simple to me. It was the world and all the universes combined into a single second of complete compassion.
I cherished every single kiss of his, I savored the taste of his tongue, I basked in the warmth of his embrace- time didn't exist when I was enveloped in his arms.
Months down the road, and I still reminisce on every single detail of all of our memories together; hoping that one day maybe fate will be ever so kind and have our paths cross once more-

WHAT IF I TOLD YOU HOW SCARED SHE IS. WHAT IF I TOLD YOU HOW SHE WATCHES THE WAY SHE WALKS, BECAUSE THE LAST TIME SHE FELL IN LOVE, SHE HIT THE GROUND. AND SHE WOULD OFFER HIM HER HEART BUT IT'S BEEN EATEN AT AND STORED IN A DOGGY BAG AROUND A CORNER WITHIN HER CHEST - AND SHE CANNOT HELP BUT ALWAYS FEEL LEFTOVER. WHAT IF I TOLD YOU THAT SHE'S SCARED OF FEELING.
BECAUSE IT DOESN'T FEEL HER BACK.

10 months
43 and a half weeks
305 days
7,320 hours
439,200 minutes
26,352,000 seconds

I've been sleeping in your shirts for 10 months
I've spent 43 and a half weeks missing your touch
I've visited your grave 305 days straight
I've played your last voicemail 7,320 times
I've survived 439,200 minutes without you
And I can remember all 26,352,000 seconds since you left

why a poet?
because a poet
hears the words
which sing the
purest harmonies
because a poet
paints their portraits
in pastels
of phrases
because a poet
dances their agonies
into leaps of faith
and pirouettes
of passion
because a poet
sees
the beauty
in the commonplace
and captures
the moment
in a snapshot
of ink and white
because a bloodless world
cuts itself
a thousand times

and the poet bleeds