I have come a long way.
Those endless nights spent clouding the mind
to a comfortable blindness
where I did not have to witness
the war at my own front door.

I have come a long way.
Locked in fear I could not communicate
with my foreign tongue;
learned that good company
was the mere salute of open arms.

Learned to swallow breath
as I once did pills, *****, and cigarettes
to find that patient calm.
Chemicals promise anaesthesia;
only pain is left when supplies are gone.

I have come a long way
from the departure lounge,
staring at heaving grey skies
and contriving a paradise
no one could hope to find.

Walked suicidal through
tourist-lit streets of central Bangkok.
Half-drunk I wondered why
I continued to breathe;
why my heart refused to stop.

I have come a long way
from believing happiness
is a steady state you can attain
through time-lapse images of victories
and failures you forgot.

Fell in love with an older woman
who would sleep beside me
when she could not see her son.
Through nights of *** and amphetamine
she would sway through each melody

even when the meaning was lost.
Taught me how to speak Thai in the moonlight,
left food on the handles of my motorbike
when I was too hungover
to face the day.

I have come a long way.
Travelled 6000 miles to learn
that home  means anything
from a constant pleasure
to some happy accident.

That love is not pillow-talk;
it’s the rain on the windshield
that gives shelter from the storm.
That truth is not what you hope to find.
but the words that you meant;

fractions of yourself
you could never leave behind.
I have come a long way.
I have made love in enough hotel rooms
to tell you the ashes of yesterday

can be both the aftermath of a flame
you cannot replace
and the fertile ground
to change your name
and start over again.

I have come a long way.
I am still my worst enemy.
Every day is still a fight;
each moment filled with darkness
when I cannot see the light.

I have come a long way.
Stood brave in the entryway
of every opened door.
Made a toast for all the people I could be;
all of the people I have been before.

Arizona made me quiet.
Arizona made me see.
For every flower wilting
there's
the ghost path of a
creek.

Arizona made me cautious.
Arizona made me choose.
Do I prefer a coy, dry heat
or the temptation called monsoon?

Arizona made me hard.
Arizona made me fast.
The sun is not my friend,
  he lives to laugh behind my back.

The red clay dirt sticks to me
in the
luxury of white
sheets
and now I know if I
move
a rock
scorpions
breed underneath

in our daily haste to not miss
sales, appointments, buses, flights,
we tend to overlook the world
that gives us all these options

the awe-inspiring heights of our mountains
frightening majesty of our seas
powerful forests breathing life
the elegance of animals
a pleasant view of cultivated land
even the buzzing habitat of cities

we may be only a small part of seven human billions
yet it behooves us well to be aware
     and celebrate
the fragile beauty of our world

Let's pretend that I can dance tonight
Who needs friends? Who needs day's light?
I'll pretend I can whip and pirouette
Let's see how far into the night I get
One hour, two hours, three crowds and four
My vision is blurry but I'll dance some more
I wonder how that boy did his coat and his hair
I gotta get out to the garden's frigid air
Who needs the friends from schools that you know?
Who needs that cute guy when the dances get slow?
All I need is the beat that shakes the ground
And the dusk induced feeling of no one else being around
With the last song of the night
The cops push us out without a fight

You told me lying was a sin;
You lied.
You told me cheating was a sin;
You cheated.
You told me adultery was a sin;
You cheated.
You told me stealing was a sin;
You stole.
You told me cursing was a sin;
You cursed.
You told me dishonoring my country was a sin;
You dishonored my country.
You told me to keep my promises;
You didn’t.
You told me to live by the Golden Rule;
You didn’t.
You told me to be careful of the company I keep;
You aren’t.
You told me to help those poorer than I;
You don’t.
You told me to be an example to youth;
You aren’t.
A question arises, by and by;
Is everything you said a big lie?