I'm lying in bed
I want to get up, but God
Is it comfortable

The world is growing up,
and I'm stuck behind in 2009.

I will destroy you
In the most beautiful
Way possible
And when I leave
You will finally understand
Why storms
Are named after people

Fros-ty the Snowman
had a twin brother named Lou
He got hit by a truck,
and we said "What the ****?",
and "You should totally sue!"

Before-he could call a lawyer
along came a snow plow
it mixed him up,
with yellow snowman guts
and he got snowman AIDS and gout

The ne-xt day, Lou died
but he left an inheritance check
Frosty sued the man,
and took all he had,
then he cashed in both of the checks

Fros-ty moved up north
Alaska is where he's livin'
where he got buck wild,
and had a child,
that he fathered with Sarah Palin

Fros-ty the Snowman
had a twin brother named Lou
who brought about fame
to the family name
in Time and US Weekly too!!!

Dear Mrs. Lorraine;

It brings me a great deal of pain
to tell you that for the third time
(and really this should be a crime)
that the score on your credit
you gave us was not how you said it

We know that the offer sent in the mail
said no credit check, but read the fine print
it said that that was on approved credit.

So with all the due respects, we respectfully
and with understandable distain, regretfully
must inform you that your credit has been declined
and if you must so be inclined
to ask why we even bothered writing this letter
we, by local and state law, (and mostly the latter)
are required to inform you that you are worth nothing
zero, zilch, nada. So with respect and courtesy
stop sending in applications, for you see

This company is trying to go green
and with every application you **** another tree
And also, with a courteous plea
(and this is just between you and me)
I am really getting tired of staying after hours
to write the responses to these repeated declines.

So if you could do us all a favor, stop replying to
the falsely advertised credit cards we send you
This will take an effort on your end, because
the marketing department won't remove you
from the mailing list without just cause.

-We greatly appreciate your business-
Sincerely from the credit department;


-*Chris

My cat howls at night. I sometimes wonder why.

I don't think it's 'cause he's lonely.
The door is open a crack and he knows how to get in.

Maybe he's going deaf. I heard that can happen.
"They howl real loud, like echolocation."

Or maybe my cat is a mutant.

All I can tell you, when he starts up like that,
is when I call his name he stops.
And comes into the room.
And jumps up on the bed.
And starts to purr.

So here's what I think—
that maybe what he's doing,
when he howls like that,
is scaring away the monsters so we can sleep.