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What do you know about silence?
Silence on the other end of the phone.
No breathing.
No laughing.
No crying.
Silence.
The white noise of fear.

What do you know about helplessness?
Helplessness in your own eyes.
Nothing you can do.
Nothing you can say
Nothing but watching
Helplessness
The catylyst of fear

What do you know about loss?
Loss of you mind, your friend.
It's too late he's gone
It's too late he's forgotten
It's too late you're crying
The post-mortem of fear

What do you know about me?
Me and my tired eyes.
Numb is my mind
Numb are my fingers
Numb everywhere
The desolation of fear

*The Suicide Diaries
 Nov 2014 Rachel Ueda
crystallaiz
I'm sorry for being me
when you needed someone else.
To many people, and to myself.
i think we still exist
somewhere in the universe
behind the sun
where all of earth’s abandoned
soulmates go to rest
i think i can see us
when i look up at the sky
and squint directly into
the rays of light,
your brown eyes burning
into mine

i think we are together
in the time that trails behind
the present, dancing
in circles until the last stars
fizzle out

i think that our promises
seeped into the soil, like
february rain, our souls sown
together, tucked in
beneath the world

i think what we had is
somewhere just out of reach,
pulsing in the dim spaces
between heat lightning

and although, in this lifetime,
we became nothing but shadows,
monsters that linger on bedroom walls

we are there, we are alive,
and we are still in love.
Smile for the camera,
Snap! Snap!
Smile for your family,
Laugh!Laugh!
Smile for the pain,
Scratch!Scratch!
Smile for ... Yourself?
Why ?
What is the point?
When have you ever done something for yourself?
Smile?
Laughed?
Cried?
Always for them,
Waiting 'till Tomorrows end.
But when will that be?
Smile,
The cameras are watching.
Laugh,
Do not want to disappoint the family.
Cut for the Pain,
unbearable and self detained.
Do not let them see,
Do not let yourself be,
Just wait until tomorrow by the sea,
Finally!
Let the ocean currents run up your body,
Let the oceans swallow you whole.
No Worries
Just waiting until **Today's Tomorrow
 Nov 2014 Rachel Ueda
Kristen S
Have you ever noticed the bubbly ones
The life of the party
Is usually a tragic one
The one with the sad past
The one who has nothing to live for
But everything at once
Short poem
 Nov 2014 Rachel Ueda
Marie
Illusion
 Nov 2014 Rachel Ueda
Marie
I fell in love with an illusion
With feats and tricks
That made my heart skip.
I was happy, so happy,
That words would not suffice.
But soon I found the magician's hat
Just full of trickery and deceit
The grandest act was on it's way
But it wasn't just for me.

I fell in love with an illusion.
My mommy
Sold me
She was cold
and Lonely

inheritance I didn't have
Her drug/pill habit took all of it
So sad

My mommy was so sick
she took the world
around her with her

She did things that rhyme with slick
butter things
that make a twitch

In college school
she found a ray
Her cowboy hero
had found his crazy

My mommy was that crazy
So beaten, unloved/enslaved, insane
My mommy was so crazy
So crazy So crazy

So Crazy  So Crazy  So Crazy  So Crazy
So Crazy  So Crazy  So Crazy  So Crazy
So Crazy  So Crazy  So Crazy  So Crazy
So Crazy  So Crazy  So Crazy  So Crazy
So Crazy  So Crazy  So Crazy  So Crazy

My mommy was so sick
she took our family with her
killed all of them
So sick

"There's no good dyin' alone."  she said
"There's no sense livin' alone."  she said

My mommy threw all of it
Never saved
She only spent

She bet her roll
on all of it

and fed them death
She died with them

My mommy was so sick
she took the world
around her with (her)

My mommy
Sold me
She was cold
So lonely
 Nov 2014 Rachel Ueda
Some Person
Your soft lies hang gently
In the clouds in your dreams
And wreak havoc
As they rain down in mine
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