I HOPE SOMEONE
HOOKS YOU.
I HOPE THEY TAKE
YOUR HEART WITHOUT
ASKING.
I HOPE THEY KEEP
YOU WAITING.
I HOPE THEY MAKE
YOU FEEL SPECIAL.
I HOPE THEY ARE
"THE ONE" FOR YOU.
I HOPE YOU FALL
IN LOVE WITH THEM
LIKE NO OTHER.
AND I HOPE,
GOD I HOPE,
THEY TREAT YOU
EXACTLY HOW
YOU TREATED ME.

I've been awake
to see the
Sunrise
Every day
for months now.
The early bird
gets the worm
But what about
the bird that never
went to sleep?
The traffic lights
have it out for me.
They are always
green, go.
Pushing me
to stop looking back.
I'd sell my soul
to fly South
for the winter.
If a bird stops
Singing every morning,
Will anyone notice?
I didn't mean
To hurt your ears
With all this
Silence.

I have been stretching inside my skin
and trying to fully wake myself up.
and still falling short of reaching
where my fingertips seem to be.
I'm falling short of all this potential that I have.
It is an endless pool of possibilities
and I have found myself cowering at the edge.
I found myself struggling to even test these waters.
The Dead Sea is almost impossible to sink in
but there's no promise of a similar salt content here.
I've been bleeding ink
and leaving tire marks over old verses
that never made sense to anyone else
because I thought success was measured by
how others viewed my accomplishments.
How others viewed me.
In that mind set,
everything is monochromatic.
In that mindset,
I would have everything I am
taken at face value alone.
I cannot accept this.
I am so lion-hearted at the end of the day
to let another summer storm wash away
everything I've worked for.
Life is not a series of chalk outlines
and my passion will leave marks
like cave drawings that will make those archeologists scratch their heads with wonder.
They will make new words in old dictionaries
to describe the way my heart burns everything it touches.
I never told anyone why
"go big or go home" was a kick in the teeth
because I didn't think it was a secret
that going home was never an option.
I didn't let my downfall be so simple.
I didn't let myself lose ground
just because I'm more comfortable in a shady park
than in the living room of my parents' house.
The Great Depression is over.
I stopped planning.
I started doing.
Everyone is watching things fall apart
but I'm seeing all the pieces
that are slowly coming together.
There's a battle in Gettysburg,
my head against my heart,
but now it's 1865
And they're finally willing to unearth my promise
I'm finally willing to learn how
to put my ***** hands on something clean.
How to stop shaking and start
dancing to the beat of my own voice
echoing something I am not ashamed of.
And let it be clear that
I'm not ashamed anymore.

♧How does someone
with a heavy heart
have such a
lighthearted laugh?
I get tongue tied around you.
I trip over my laces.
We pretend
we don't notice
the road rash.
We pretend
it's just from my palms
meeting the pavement
too many times.
♧You are trains and buses,
always ready to leave.
We used to go on road trips
and I'd stare at you
staring out the window.
Staring at the sky.
Staring at the trees.
Staring at the hills.
I could never meet your eye.
You overlooked every attempt.
Every grand gesture.
♧I don't drive too far now.
I learned distance
isn't just in miles.
You're not just busy,
You've gone missing.
I'm scared I might
see you're green eyes
staring back at me
If I look out the window.
I'm scared they won't
recognize me anymore.

I had never
laughed so hard
at 3 am.

I had never
grown so attached
so **** quickly.

I had never
tried so hard
to be patient.

I had never
felt so tiny,
so painfully human.

I had never
been in love.

I will never
let myself again.

When I asked God to give me a sign,
a Sagittarius wasn't what I had in mind,
but I want nothing more than
to spend everyday tripping over our feet
and into new adventures.

You have a wicked sense of humour that
makes your eyes sparkle
and when you laugh I feel it in my chest.
I feel everything,
Like when you wouldn't let go of my
hand when you got that tattoo
or when you told me about
all the things you would change about yourself.
I felt that and I broke.

I still remember when you wrinkled your nose
and told me about the scar on your thigh.
You have a birthmark shaped like Massachusetts
and I want to take you everywhere.
You worry too much
about too much
and I don't mind reassuring you
that I'm the one with good balance
and you're the one that ought to be careful.

I didn't mean to fall in love with you,
love is an anchor and
baby I believed I was built for speed.
I like how you slow things down, though.
I didn't notice how many things
are living and loving
until we fed the ducks at the park
and watched some ants build a home.
I've never had a home, but I never had you before.

We never took pictures together
because you don't like how big your eyes are
I would drown in them for you
but you would be too busy
watching the sunrise to notice.
You have glasses because you're blind
But they aren't the right prescription
because you still don't see your beauty.

I remember the night you had me drive
two hours away from the city lights
just so you could point out
all the constellations you memorized
when you were younger.
I let you go on and on about stars,
waiting for you to mention the way
you outshine all of them
But you kissed me instead
and I think that was even better.

Even when Summer faded out,
you would always smell like sunshine.
I wanted to live forever in the daydream
of you and me walking along the shoreline.
Your laughter was synonymous
with sunflowers
and how everytime you caught sight of them
you couldn't stop yourself from smiling.

But that should have been my warning sign
because Russia's official flower is the Sunflower
and ever since you left
I've traded water for *****
and this winter has been unusually rainy
but it's still too bright for me to go outside.