You’re right—
I’m just making excuses.
Why am I so 𝘵𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘥
All of the time?

“You get more sleep
Than 99 percent
Of your friends,”
You said.

So doesn’t that mean
I am supposed to be
Happy?

“Be happy,”
I say to myself
In my head.

I am supposed to be
Fine.

But I am not,
And all I have left
Is excuses.

And yet,
Why do I look for more?

I want somebody
To tell me
That you are not right.

But I know you are.

they needed you more
so I ignored myself

saying "I'm sorry" is like putting a bandaid on a stab wound
it makes you feel better about yourself
makes you feel like you solved the problem
and if the person is still mad?
then they're overreacting
but in reality
you didn't do anything
slapping a bandaid on a stab wound won't stop someone from bleeding out
saying I'm sorry wont change the fact that what you did was wrong

you're being irrational
you aren't being bullied
your parents are loving and caring... for the most part
you have lots of friends
you're "normal"
you're pretty
and you're privileged
and you have a lot
your friends have it way worse
you're overreacting

I cry because I don't want to live
but at least I look pretty doing it

what the **** is happening to me? I am losing myself again and this time I cannot even blame anyone because no one is at fault here, it's me and my mind.
Am I depressed? 
Am I mad?
what is this?
How can I figure what is going on with me?
what is this feeling?
I am not missing anyone, I am not talking to anyone, I am doing nothing which can mess with my head, maybe it's the nothing which is making me mad or maybe I was never okay?
Maybe I was just distracted from the reality and was living in delusion?
maybe my mind is still the same? 

I want to figure this out before it's too late or maybe it is too late? what am I even talking about?