That's what's left
98 days is what was decided
that's what it boils down to
a determined time to be implemented
give or take an hour or two
at the end of discount down
time and space would ensue
peace from turmoil
freedom from entrapment
dulled from pain
Aunless in infinitely.
anesthetic ed

Morning

Sweet, sweet morning aroma,
A daily gift many know well
Rich dark grains trickling down
From Ground Black Gold early in the day
Captured in the palm of the filter
Sweet water, heated just right
Turns the grounds in to Black Gold, liquid delight.

Anxious addict waiting for the fix
As the black magic weaves its spell
Desperate, hand clutch the cup
Straight to the lips,
Smooth……
love ....
and peace abide
Trembling hands,
relax
and gain rest

A new day has begun,
Good morning to you all

Sleep eludes me
Monsters chase me
Morning wont come
Mind ticking over

Brain so tired
dreams are lost
day is two hours away
dawn to far

Palest moon
smiles down on slumber
sleep though not for me
slowly goes the night....

The end of summer has finally come
the lily lies lonely in the torturous sun
a last wish before life her leaves
to multiply again after winter’s release.

Gently she lays down her lily white head
this hard earth, her final bed.
Bright white color slowly draining away
Breathing labored, she fades to grey.

Her fighting spirit gives way to death
her seconds are numbered, short in length
A wish is whispered to the deity of blooms
to once again blossom with the summer moon...

Don't look at me
your eyes burn
Look away
your eyes dig deep into me
they seem to peal away the layers of my mind
they seek to reveal my secrets

Do not look at me
your eyes hurt me
Turn away
you will free me
and yet when I close mine, I still see your eyes
rattling the doors of my mind,
trying to unlock what I dare not.

Look away and don't look back
Because I am weak
Avert your eyes
I am failing fast
you have exposed my weakness
and know my soul
I beg you not to give it away as the
consequences I cannot face.

My resolve is crumbling with each
open and close of your eyelids
I am succumbing to your call
So Young
So free

Look away, don't look at me

Alone

His Fiance said goodbye today,

This life was not for her,

she left with barely a hug

her loss she could not bare.



He tried to talk

He tried to reason

He tried to beg

He even broke down and cried



Her friends say she has changed

her clothes,

her hair

her makeup,

these are all on the outside new

but inside she has darkened,

hardened,

steeled her heart against feeling.



She wants a new life

not happy with the old

She wants adventure now

their happy five years have faded



Maybe she has cheated,

(TELL ME PLEASE)

But she will not confess



Maybe she has started using drugs

(God know the signs are there)

But she says no



All she wants is her freedom.

her indepandance

(but she is moving back with her parents)

She wants fun

(a promotion and more work is not the way)

her home town calls for her

(but she left it because she hated it)



So confused.



The big cities bright light

it reels her in

She is leaving him now

to explore on a whim

the lights of her past,

the fun,

the laughter,



But did they not have that,

He did everything for her

For nothing did she want

He loved her intensely

In April they would have wed



Now the winter looks bleak for,

His heart, it has a hole.

inside that whole is a block of ice

freezing his very soul.



He yearns for her

night and day

and even in those inbetween times

when night and day greet and part ways.

He yearns for her with all his being,

His heart has no more blood to keep it warm.



This is the end of life



I am now truly



Alone

Promise of eternity

When I slipped the ring on your finger
A promise of eternity
On my lips
For a second did linger.

A promise to be loved and to be cherished
Till forever if needed
Our lives would be enmeshed

Our children see grown
With homes of their own
Our friendships made concrete
Our life's circle complete

Half a century has passed
And my thoughts are the same
The promise of eternity
With you to remain

I moan as the pleasure goes through me,
He loves me, he said so.
Thirteen is so much fun, I am so in love, he is so cute
The passion of his body as he shares his love with me
in me
over me
on the smooth top of the car.

I sob pitiful tears as I hold my hair back
I try to throw up the moving in my womb
It clings to life and wont let go.
Holding on to my pelvic sides
Body shivering
Body retching
No release as it gently survives

Oh my heart is broken
The scalding hot bath numbs the isolation.
I don't see my love any more, someone else has his love
Still it wont release my womb from within
It holds on to me
clings to me
claws at me as I feel him grow.

The embarrassment of my parents
Mother cries bitterly, Father hangs his head in shame
I cannot keep this "******* child"
I will lose those alive I love
So lonely
So confused
I must give up if I want their approval

The pinch of the needle as it enters my skin,
The chair, the nurse, the forceps.
I stare up at the florescent light that beats my body
hurting me for the child within
probing me
cutting him
Through the blur , I’m sure I hear a scream

The ache as I see my baby go
No life,
Just pieces of left over life
His pain is gone he feels no more
Free
Unknown
Incinerated

Antibiotics my health slowly restores
My memory still at thirty one is torn
would my son, who never was
looks a little like my daughter who
now is holding my hand
loving
trusting
forgive me for my decision of say farewell

Sharing the cold

Walking through the mall
Just to be with someone around
People passing through me
I feel still so alone
Lovers everywhere
Hugging, kissing, holding hands
(Missing that connection)
People drifting by like sand
Coffee smells so good
But the taste me does elude
My heart is void of feeling
My body so cold

But my anger is hot
My life has been taken
Outside a late night club
Some thief with a knife
(It wasn’t even that sharp)
I still feel his breath in my ear
“Hand over your money”
The knife went in
Almost no pain
As it tunneled into my heart

I felt him take what’s mine
My money and my life
And toss me aside
The water in the gutter
Cold as ice

They found me the next day
I sat and watched
Some said I was easy
Some said “such a shame!”
Now I walk through people
I watch them shiver
I walk through people
Just to feel some heat
No one can warm me
My nonexistence is complete

I will find that thief
Who stole my warmth
I will show him emptiness,
(The worth of my hundred and thirty dollar price)
I will share with him my void
I will share with him my death

But for now I walk alone




RamblerOnTheGo

With  that one smooth stroke of the blade
He knew it was over.
The love they had shared
Was history now.

As the petals fell to the marbled floor
His knees buckled
And he knew his heart would bleed for eternity

His breath stopped,
Watching as the greatest love he ever had
Walked away
Not even glancing back.

Stolen
I stole a rose today
It was in someone else’s garden
It was on a bush of other roses
I took it with any thought but desire”

I needed to have it
It just looked so fresh
Lovely;
White,
Petals gently opening to meet the morning
New day
New bloom
I had to smell it
I know, I know, men don’t smell roses
But,
I just had to

I clipped it off
With the nails of my thumb and index finger
It was so light and cool
Just like the morning was,
Bright, light and cool

I held it for a moment in the palm of my hand
Nestled there, protected from other eyes
Brought it up to my nose
Felt its cool petals against my skin
And breathed,
Breathed deeply of its scent

Faint, fresh scent of tea
Perfumed ****** rose, morning chilled
And already ageing, dying.

Sudden guilt overcomes me,
My thievery caught up with me
What if someone saw me steal it?
What if they saw me with it in my hand?
They would know from where I got it

I had to get rid of it
I tossed it into the bushes to hide my transgression
Its loss burns at my shame
Its demise haunts me
Now hidden from all eyes in the shade of its source

No one will see that cool white rose ever again

Intricately painted across your skin
Don't know where to stop or to begin
Beutiful designs of black on brown
Feel them and trace them down
I know you only here for tonight
I hope u stay longer than mornings first light
I want to see deeper than the masters canvas
To touch, to hold, to embrace your sadness
I see the loneliness caged below the beauty
I wish I could be the one to set you free

I saw it in your eyes when we first met
When the crystal clinked and our fingers touched
And later when our cloths pealed off
I felt it in your kisses soft
I see u shy, behind your masterpiece
Of boldened colors, sheilding release
Your walls come down as we unite
Our limbs wrap so right
The paint disappears into the moon
And then there is just you
I see u pure and warm and light
The way I imagined you tonight

Then all to soon it's over
And the canvas comes back to cover
The miracle I just shared
As we lifted the darkness from your head
Is over again as morning light comes in
And I place my last kisses on your specially crafted skin.

The days are moving away from me
and my time is running out.
Soon there will be nothing anymore,  
an emptiness will be all that is left.
Moments I wish I could have had
are now way to far away.
The childhood moments
I should have enjoyed
were lonely to say the least.
even in a house full of people
the dark was always by my side.
Seeking friendship from the man
was chasing after mist,
His strength was his silence and
also his fortress.
A product of his parents
it filtered down
was gifted as birthright
on the firstborn son
be silent as the night,
tougher than life
don't ask for guidance
work it out yourself.
That was the power
and the admiration
I felt for him then.
Now the rope bridge is broken
hanging in tethers
there is no joining this great divide
he in winter years
and me in late summer
I love him dearly
but my voice I cannot give
there is reservation in my communication
as I yearn for reconciliation
but this will never happen
as time is not standing still
It rushes on and wont let me speak
those words of a son
to the father he doesn't know

Sitting amongst the youth of my bygone years
remembering how carefree I used to be
seeing the awkward mingling
glad I am in their future.