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waiting for
a broken
heart to
heal
is
like falling asleep
//
the more
you focus on
the end
the more
you cannot
realize
when
the change
actually occurs
I will forget her one day
This bag of lavender
that comforted you in your last days
has comforted me since.
Over the years it has lost its scent
but still, on country strolls,
the smell of fresh lavender stirs
memories.
Have you forgotten how one Summer night
  We wandered forth together with the moon,
  While warm winds hummed to us a sleepy tune?
Have you forgotten how you praised both light
And darkness; not embarrassed yet not quite
  At ease? and how you said the glare of noon
  Less pleased you than the stars? but very soon
You blushed, and seemed to doubt if you were right.
We wandered far and took no note of time;
  Till on the air there came the distant call
Of church bells: we turned hastily, and yet
Ere we reached home sounded a second chime.
  But what; have you indeed forgotten all?
Ah how then is it I cannot forget?
.
.
you
saw through me
as if i was transparent
and watched my hollow heart
beat,  attempting to match  your
rhythm but changed pulse ever so
slightly the second i was almost
close enough so i ****** my
skin and  bones  for  being
built of cellophane and
bit my cheeks and
swallowed
blood for
every
time
you didn't
love me when you
should have, i built walls
around my ghostly body just high
enough to keep you out, then watched
you burn them down and dance in the ashes.
every boy that has ever ran his fingers on my skin
crawled up from under my bed and invaded the darkness;
he pulled the blanket up over my shaking body,
and brushed his fingers through my tangled hair.

a creature of the night providing me comfort;
he laid his head on the empty side of my pillow
whispering into my hollow head,
signals which would flow through my dry veins
and start the pumping of a disintegrating heart.

his demons kept him awake at night
just as the monsters of my past have me;
his eyes were like a flashlight in the dark room,
this creature was my savior.

but morning comes and he is gone,
my troubles glisten in the sun -everyone runs.
you can't fix by morning what haunts you;
I only date monsters -they keep me company at night;
when my flaws come spilling out but not in bright light.

(NJ2014) All Rights Reserved.
 Oct 2014 rainforester
L
Remember
my body is not your temple
do not worship there
I am not a deity
I am not a holy place
I have many sins, many scars, many demons

My heart is not your home
You have no claim
Learning the secrets I have locked away in darkest corners of my person is a privilege
Do not take my willingness to let you explore me for granted

My love is a gift
it is wrapped in the battered letters that I wrote to my last lover before he left the shattered remains of my heart behind in a wooden box
Be gentle when you unwrap what is left of me
I have only just begun putting myself back together
 Oct 2014 rainforester
Tallulah
You can't give love
only to take it back
but I swallow words
like pills these days

and the side affects
have no warning label
and overdosing is
too often fatal
 Oct 2014 rainforester
Neath
"I love you"*
The words that no one wants to say too early.
The words that no one wants to say too late.
The words that everyone wants to say eventually.
 Oct 2014 rainforester
Prodigy
Fade
 Oct 2014 rainforester
Prodigy
Disappear
  Into the night

Fade
  Into the day

Slip
  Away from the bright

Turn
  Towards the fray

  To feelings inherent
Turn

  Away from the core
Slip

  Become transparent
Fade

  Exist no more
Disappear
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