My heart has never been one piece;

I’ve left bits in places and people

for safekeeping or declaration.

So you didn’t break it.

You never even had the chance. 

But don’t think for once second —

it didn’t hurt when you tore 
a piece too big for yourself 
and left my ****** heart half out my chest

I feel it starting, like a prickle down my spine.
My rubbery lungs expand and push
against my ribs.
Organs start crawling
up my throat
leaving a hollow cavity
which I must seal.

My heart is pumping faster
but the only thing to get my blood moving
is to fill my emptiness.
Hands shaking I scrawl a haphazard
paper chain to keep me from floating away
as my love looks on concerned.

“Can I fill it with a kiss?
A caress? If I whisper to you
will my words fall through your ears and
weigh you down?”

But anxiety
is not like drowning
and a life preserver won’t reign me in.
The only thing to do is wait
for me to compress my lungs
and talk my insides off the ledge.

Let me close my eyes and breathe,
give me room to reassemble.
I promise I will come down soon.

When I can concentrate enough,
the Earth starts shrinking
until its mass rests on my pen tip
and I can write the blood back through my veins.

Don't let me fall asleep today
I won't come back
When my eyelids fall down
Like your cigarette ash
There's no turning back

Please, don't make me happy
When I'm so beautifully sad
Just don't let me fall asleep, darling
I'm already weak and broken
I'm hopelessly mad