It’s just cruel, you know?
Someone arrives in your life
out of the blue,
someone you never imagined
would so much as notice you.
You get to know them
and the small details
like the small whale shaped scar
on the his upper thigh
and how his favorite word
is a secret only few get to know.
They let you in on their hatred
towards chocolate
and how the only exception to that
are oreos.
They tell you about how
they take a picture of everything
they like, even in their dreams,
and months later you sit trembling trying not to remember how
he use to take offhand pictures of you and, without warning,
it violently hits you
how it has all changed.
Suddenly he’s gone and you’re left with his childhood stories
and his love of the woods,
stuck to the palms of your hands
like super-glue.
You have no place to set it all down, no way to get rid of it.
His favorite songs
and the way his eyes lit up
when he laughed
are painfully imprinted on your skin like colorful tattoos for all to see. You've taken all the pills
from your mother's drawers
but none seem to dissolve the memories that he left on your skin when he last touched you
and no amount of throwing up
could remove the parts of himself
he forgot to take when he left you.
The worst part is
you never really know
when it’s going to be the last time…
the last time you touch him,
the last time you hear his voice
or even the last time
you catch a glimpse of his body.
One day it’s there
and the next it's gone
and you never even
get notified in advance:
"Hey this is it.
You better enjoy it
because it’ll be over in seconds.”

At night, the darkness is the worst.
Not the lack of light
The lack of courage in my soul.
My demons rush in
The monsters come out
The worst thoughts make me want to hide.
But I can't.
I don't get to run from the past
I don't get to hide from my mistakes.
I only get this night
And the morning that follows.

When the darkness closes in
And the monsters bare their fangs
I hope for you then.
I hope for your touch
For the smell of your hair
For the light in your blue eyes
For the whisper of your words
Of your love.

I hope for all those things.
My shields against the terror
My beacons in the darkness
My guiding light through the fog

I hope and wish for you
In the darkest night

I read them over and over... Those few words you said to me.
They almost seemed to be enough, but for how long would it hold me over?
Is it enough to keep the thought of you alive in the back of my mind or enough to keep the thought of us a distant memory of something that never came to past?
I read them over and over again; Those words.
Forward and backward... All saying the same things.
You are glad I'm here and you know I'll stay.
Yet you keep floating away.
What's to happen next seems deadly complex when they're truthfully simple.
So simple just for you to say I want to stay. I want to stay forever until I no longer can.
I want to hold on to you forevermore...until my bones themselves desiccate.
And I'd reply saying to you I’ll hold on like I once did when the mere thought of you was enough.
Like I did those words I once read over and over; forward and backward.

I hate love and how it is so deceiving
It lures you in with a promise that this will be just like the movies
Giving us an image in our minds
This will be something so sweet
But instead it just cuts the roof of your mouth
And leaves a bitter aftertaste on your tongue

I know that you are a poet
I know that I don't matter to you
I know that I didn't really matter to you back then either
But back when I was actually on your mind
When I was under the impression that maybe you cared about me
I wonder if you ever wrote a poem for me?
I sure wrote many for you.
That's all I know.
I'd like to burn them with you now.
Along with all the memories and feelings.

The halls of my mind
Is haunted with memories
What you'll find
Is the last you'll ever see

Blood caked rooms
Whisper hurtful words
Silent tombs
On the floor rotting birds

Every window broken,
Every clock stopped.
Ghosts in the corner moping,
Every door locked.

No way out,
My mind has me tight.
Hear me shout,
Hear me fight.

No escape for the dead,
The laughs never stops.
Is this all in my head?
My heart drops.

Carpe Diem.

Taking me out to dinner
See the story play out in your eyes,
Said you miss the way I'd lay in your lap,
When I'm not with other guys.

They feel different than you though,
It all tastes the same,
T hey get all tied together,
They're just faces and names.

But you got the lit cigarette out the window,
And words flooding books,
I think I'm getting too old to base love all on looks.

And so I fell asleep on your chest,
In the same car as times before,
Until I woke up to you sighing,
"I don't even know what we are anymore."

Words kept rolling off your tongue,
Escaping your lips,
Like you were holding in all night to tell me all of this.

Said we were always leaving,
Together and then parting ways,
But when would be the time we would both decide to stay?

Now would be my answer,
But you left me on open ends,
So I just paused and you stared at me,
"Babe, are we just friends?"