Gave you a gift of mine,
My soul, sparkling and shimmering,
Like the sea with the moonlight on,
I poured my heart into yours,
Sensitive and introvert,
Into the lovely hands of yours,
Expecting you to keep it save,
I whispered your name,
With every breath I take,
Over and over again,
And only by the very moment you left,
I fully realized,
My soul is dull,
My heart is numb,
My breath is thin,
You took everything.

Day by day it gets more clear,
You‘re about to disappear,
With every breath,
With every morning,
There’s no more longing,
No bitter-sweet tear,
You‘re more far away,
It gets more clear,
What I have in my heart left,
The deep memories I’ve kept,
The laughter we’ve shared,
The giggles,
The joy,
The sparks and shines we‘ve had,
Surrounded us,
Like the milky way in its galaxy,
Besides that,
The dark grey shimmer you’ve left,
I let go,
I let go of that,
So day by day it gets more clear,
The shimmer left,
The sparks kept,
You‘re about to disappear.

My entire life,
I have been waiting.
For years,
Almost two decades now
I have been waiting.
Waiting,
For the better parts.
Waiting,
For the “soon”.
Waiting,
For my life to begin.
Because,
I don’t feel like I have lived.
In the nearly twenty years
I have been alive
And breathing
I do not feel
In any of those years
That I have been alive.
I don’t feel like a single breath
That I have taken
Has been real.
I feel as if
All these years
I’ve been stuck
Behind a window
Watching as my life unfolds
Before me.
I feel that
I have had
Zero control.
That I am in the backseat
Letting someone else drive.
That someone else,
Is writing on the pages
Of MY life.
But no more.
I will break that window,
I will take that wheel,
And I will write
My own pages.
My life has begun,
And now -
I’m in control.

I understand the world
best as a challenge
a fight to win
or lose
survivor. warrior.
beaten and bruised
I understand life
best as a puzzle
something to be
unpicked and
pondered until
the pieces merge
together into a
jigsaw, jagged and
incomplete. I'm panicking
now, can you feel it?
feel it burrowing into
you like a root?
I will plant myself there
and grow. from your
ash stained heart,
a tree of pink blossom
flowers, blown
away in summer
but pretty for a
brief spring

no artist tolerates reality
we must imagine on

the real world unbearable
therefore breaking dawn

imagination is unusual
fantasy and fawn

loyalty to let it be
like Hermione and Ron

The sky and the sea help each other
Creating rainclouds, with rain and thunder
When even the worlds help each other
Look, which love isn't meant to be together

When I left
You stopped freezing me out
So since
The ice caps have been melting
And so
I have been drowning
In a sea of a lackluster love
Of which I cannot escape