The existence of humanity
The capacity of a mind
The complexity of a soul
Fascination
Pulsating
    Each
         And
     Every
Vein.
Compelled by the existence of another.
My body
My mind
My soul
Always searching for more.
Will I ever feel satisfied ?

One small thing, that's all it is.
One small thing to ruin the happiness I've built.
One small comment to make the water fall from my eyes.
The silliest things, the tiniest hint of hostility. Causes so much pain..

I look down to where my scars used to be. My wrists a sensation begins almost like a tickle. This feels so familiar.
And I can picture the little red lines. Like tally marks.
One for last week,one for yesterday. One for today.

In my mind I know these thoughts are harmful. Dangerous.
I've worked on this.
I learned to ignore it.
My mind says no, but will I really take the blade and tally up the score?

What's the worst that could happen?
After all it's just one.small.thing.

Life gives you lemons,
Make lemonade.
Cut the chunks of ice
with the knife that’s tasted your blood.
Squeeze the lemons into the cuts littered on your arm,
Grit your teeth and savor the burn.
Collect all the sugar from your syrupy lies,
And all the times you’ve deceived.
Stir it together with the long list of things
That are wrong with you.
So now whenever I drink cold lemonade,
You’re the first thing I think of.

Right now I'm feeling dead inside,
But sometimes it really  feels like worlds collide.
Try as I might
I can't make all these emotions subside.

They say "You know it's real when it hurts",
But I can't stand to do this over and over
And not question the worth.

There's only so many blows you can take,
Before blow for blow it takes all your are,
And leaves you in a state
Of heartlessness
Broken apart and it's
Just easier to not feel
Than to feel part of this.

But you can't understand the struggle that I'm going through.
Everything everyone says and my overthinking just puts me
Over the edge.
I'll sit on top the ledge
Drinking from a bottle of gin,
And let fate decide where I fall.