Loving you so much my body aches
You look at me as just another mistake
Someone you kept around to forget your heartbreak
I could say this hurt made me stronger
But I know I’d let you break me again
If it meant you’d love me longer

They’re talking about me
They hate me
If I was gone
They’d easily replace me
The voices in my head
Want me to feel nothing but dread
I know it is untrue
Yet I believe it too

They say to have a relationship
You must know what you need
I need respect
I need forgiveness
I need encouragement
I have figured out what I need
I will give it to myself

Is it selfish of me to miss you
After all the pushing away I put you through
It is
To love a person well
Is to love the boundary between you

Today you called
You told me
You were just checking in
Because you hadn’t heard from me
And I know that means you’re sorry
And you love me
And I tell you
I’m good
I ask how things have been
And you know that means
I forgive you again
Because I love you too

Sometimes I throw myself into a human
Knowing it isn’t love simply to distract from the loneliness
But then I remember you
And I remember the true loneliness
Is living in a home with someone whom you no longer love
And how foolish I would be
To repeat that cycle again

I used to pretend I was a princess
But now I have grown
Now I pretend that I am comfortable
Waking up in this mans home
I pretend when he holds me
And we share satisfaction
That I am here for love
And not a distraction
He walks me to the door
In the dress and heels I was in the night before
I pretend I’m okay with a casual affair
And I ignore my heart feeling impaired