Blue Heart

I wrote a poem for my biography to a special person about Adam, I thought you would like to read it.

Blue Heart

You were 18, so many years in front of you.

It felt like a dark eternity, you didn’t want to go.

I saw it in your sunken eyes.

The vacant stare and sad dark eyes.

I saw when you were sitting around the table prom night.

So much going around but you were too calm

too collected.

too inside your mind for us.

I knew that blank expression from experience

All too well.

You screamed for help

silent and loud

I reached for your hand

but you

You were poised and calm

Broken but full of love.

All I wanted to do was help you.

you were standing still when the world went on

and it did go on, it did, without you.

When you were standing there at the edge

I wondered about you, all in my head.

We were short lived, a friendship that was fast.

You came, changed me, then you left.

it came and went in a flash.

I knew when no one else could guess.

you put it all on me, didn’t you.

but I was not cross with you.

Heartbroken, yes

scared, yes

alone, yes

mad, no

Your color was blue

Blue heart, blue veins

Blue is the color of our planet

from far far away

we wore it proud it was all for you,

a blue solemn silence.

and the world spun fast and

all the people hurried fast, real fast

and no one ever smiled.

You weren’t all there, in that head of yours.

dark and empty

you were sad but you lived like you would die

tomorrow

tomorrow came too soon and it was up to you.

it was always up to you.

Meeting you was bitter

you put me through stress, anxiety and heartache

you put me through shame and shock

All I wanted was you by my side,

and you there was not.

Meeting you was sweet

you gave me smiles and laughs,

good music and thoughts

you gave me a feeling of friendship and care.

All I wanted was you by my side,

but you were not there.

You were poised and calm,

you rubbed off on me.

I was hyped and excited

you called me “ADHD”

You drove an old red beater with water bottles everywhere,

with **** in the glove compartment.

but you didn’t care.

Your drove with sunglasses and the FM radio loud.

You drove in silence, thinking no doubt.

You loved the sun but you would hike for the shade

when we were together you took me away.

I didn’t think, I didn’t have nerves.

We talked about the world

We talked about life

You had a life you thought you didn’t deserve.

Whoever planted that seed

had some **** nerve

you wrote like me but I wrote for myself

you wrote for us when there’d be nothing else.

I knew when no one else could guess.

you put it all on me, didn’t you.

but I was not mad.

Heartbroken, yes

scared, yes

alone, yes

mad, no

When you were gone

I read

and

I read

i wanted to know exactly when

you felt what you felt.

You called me your jav friend

you called me your angel

You are up there watching over me

I yelled and screamed

I couldn’t breathe.

I shut them out,

I cursed at you.

I hated you

I cried for you

I only see you in my head

Dreaming once and a while of your smile,

of your eyes

but they are never dark

they are never sad

they are never empty

The vacant stare is not there.

your hair is a giant mess

and I freeze that moment right there.

You said you were alone

you said it was a secret

you asked me about my darkest

and you told me all your secrets

I have never been in that much peace knowing I kept you there

It felt like moments when it was hours and you were gone too **** soon.

tomorrow came too fast and it was up to you.

it was always up to you.

Now I wear a band on my wrist

and pray for your peace

that is all I have left,

but you mean so much to me.

I hope you are happy,

I hope your journey has ended

and you found what you wanted

My heart was once broken

but soon if all this is true

it will be mended.

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