#didnt
i think the worst part
wasn’t losing you.
it was losing
the person i was
when you still looked at me
like i was
your favorite place to be.
now you’re just
someone i used to know
in present tense—
alive somewhere,
laughing in rooms
i’ll never enter again.
and i’m here
learning how to forget you
without pretending
you didn’t matter.
we didn’t end.
Mar 30
Mar 30, 2026 at 7:08 PM UTC
i don't understand you
and i couldn't so i can't say i do
and i can't make it sound beautiful
when i say i love you
and god, i can't make you believe it either
even when it might be the truest thing i've ever said;
i love you i love you
i love you;
the girl who called me a star-
there have been more than you
but still;
you can't plan ahead
for pain
prepare for being hurt
become willing for life
you can't make yourself used to
your heart being crushed and all the little pieces
stomped on one by one until
all you are is powder; dust;
a wreck floating aimlessly
in the infinite space-
Mar 22
Mar 22, 2026 at 8:33 PM UTC
I didn’t mean to make you worry
Im sorry
Im so so sorry
I didn’t mean to add that pin to our board
That was supposed to be filled with love
But somehow my depression pin got added
I didn’t mean to not tell you what was going on
I haven’t told you any of it and I didn’t want you to worry
I didn’t mean to ignore your 20 texts about it
I didn’t mean to lie and tell you it was nothing
Because really I didn’t want to be a burden around you
I didn’t mean to text you in tears
Saying I couldn’t breathe
And my heart wasnt beating right
And I was sobbing
And shaking
And panicking
I didn’t mean to bother you
I didn’t mean to tell you I didn’t know why it happened
I didn’t mean to drink that much caffeine
I didn’t mean to run all the way to the library when I was gone
I didn’t mean to be terrified
you’d leave if you knew what was going on in my head
I didn’t mean to stress you out
I promise
I didn’t mean for anything to happen
It was supposed to be a secret
I was supposed to be fine
I was supposed to be perfect
I was supposed to not be a burden around you
I didn’t mean to
I promise…
Mar 10
Mar 10, 2026 at 8:27 PM UTC
You didn’t notice, did you?
You didn’t notice when you pretended to be asleep in the car just to have your mother carry you up to bed for the last time.
You didn’t notice when you ran to the door and yelled “daddy’s home!” after work and he picked you up and spun you around for the last time.
You didn’t notice when the rain washed away your chalk drawings off the sidewalk and you never went back out to colour hopscotch again.
You didn’t notice when you dried off after you danced in the rain and jumped in the puddles, you started caring about your hair and makeup getting ruined and you never went back out.
You didn’t notice that you hung up those plastic play phones and never opened one again, you had a real one now and it wasn’t a toy, but an addiction.
You didn’t notice that you put on your shoes after playing in the ball pit and you never took them off again.
You didn’t notice when you ate ice cream for the last time without counting calories in your head.
You didn’t notice when you had your last fight with your sister about who got the passenger seat before you started arguing over who got to drive the car.
You didn’t notice when you stopped believing in Santa Claus, as the magic of Christmas was replaced with material wishlists.
You didn’t notice when you stopped believing in the monster under your bed, as it started to come out in the reflection in the mirror.
You didn’t notice when you went to field day for the last time. When you got your last participation trophy.
When you kicked your brother's seat on a road trip for the last time.
When you had your last play date with your barbies.
When you had the last Disney movie night with your parents.
You didn’t notice that grandparents don’t last forever.
You didn’t notice that your childhood cat wasn’t eternal.
You didn’t notice that your parents were growing up, too.
You didn’t notice, did you?
You didn’t notice that you grew up.
But you notice it now, don’t you?
You notice it every time you look in the mirror.
And you were shocked because your reflection doesn’t look familiar.
You look older, you look tired.
You look like it's been centuries since you’ve let your imagination run wild.
You look like you don’t even remember what it's like to be a child.
And you notice it every time you look back at pictures.
And you notice that you are at the age that little you were always wishing for.
And you notice how you never thought you’d make it this far.
Adulthood was a fantasy, as the games you would play.
But here you are.
And you notice it now, don’t you?
Time goes by too fast.
Feb 27
Feb 27, 2026 at 3:14 PM UTC
It’s a strange kind of blessing,
feeling everything this deeply.
People say I fall too fast
but maybe I just love
without rationing my heart.
I feel the shifts, darling.
The quiet distance.
The way the air changes
before anyone admits it.
I wanted someone
who would walk me home.
Hold my hand
on the heavy nights.
Fight for me
in the soft ways
that matter.
Tongue tied whispers
made us tone deaf.
Two gentle hearts
losing each other
between the lines
we never said out loud.
Maybe that’s how it happens
love breaking slowly
in the spaces
we didn’t know
how to fill,
darling.
Nov 30, 2025
Nov 30, 2025 at 3:53 PM UTC
A wiseman can sometimes play the fool.
Although we've put men on the moon - 1969 was a long time ago!
I keep it in my head,
and for this reason
I've had to descend a mountain
I didn't climb.
Nov 16, 2025
Nov 16, 2025 at 9:19 AM UTC
Whatever I didn't give you
that you needed
that
. . I
am sorrowful for.
I thought I was limitless
in my charity and resources.
It is obvious
not
to be so.
It was all I had.
Jun 3, 2024
Jun 3, 2024 at 10:37 AM UTC
sometimes i get sick and fear
the shaking in my hand
but somewhere dark i need to feel
as damaged as i am
Aug 26, 2021
Aug 26, 2021 at 2:32 AM UTC
Haven't replied in 4 days,
Wish you would've done an effort,
To understand me.
But you didn't.
Jul 17, 2020
Jul 17, 2020 at 11:46 AM UTC
I breathe,
but sometimes I wish…
I see,
but sometimes I wish…
I live,
but sometimes I wish…
sometimes I wish I didn’t…
Mar 13, 2020
Mar 13, 2020 at 2:57 AM UTC
never it crossed my mind
that I'll ever have a feeling for you.
but yet, you crossed a line you
didn't realize.
I was in love with you
with all the time you kept saying,
"I want someone to love."
But yet you didn't realize,
there's someone in front of you
dying for you to see her heart.
Sep 25, 2019
Sep 25, 2019 at 11:31 AM UTC
The Roman empire has fallen
sadness weeps bitter tears
how the mighty became poor old waif
and the west held their jamboree without ignominy
For once they were carried on shoulders in sedan trains
in pomp and ceremony the masters sought safaris and ruled lions
from Goa to Timbuktu the whiff of toast on marmalade n Darjeeling
jackboots and clipped voices rang in plantations n hymns in churches
The Roman empire has fallen
Tea two anti-depressants please
Oh no no how have the mighty fallen
unwanted unloved we cry diminished glory
no invites to Continental parties no lovers in Casablanca
the dusky maidens as footstool are Doctors at the corner Surgery
those hunky dark torsos ferrying cocoa to steamers heading Cardiff
are now earning two hundred thousand grand a week and drive Rolls
The Roman empire has fallen
now we just drink Bitter all the time
the mighty s of the universe are now *******
come see the bullies in the school playground playing the Raj
let me show you a place where four in ten cannot spell enterprising
did you know when not in the Tropics some go for weeks un-bathed
shock and awe jealousy n envy is the new black making them so mad
old n young no self respect, no dignity and now only sad mad bullies
Jun 6, 2019
Jun 6, 2019 at 4:29 AM UTC
It’s the depth of things that get me,
How minute the surface is,
yet we bathe in it.
Seldom they glance below,
But I remember being there,
Living each day beneath the choppy foam.
Finding peace from within,
Underneath every breath.
This season,
Aches my heart in pangs.
More than I am able to ignore them,
They ebb and grow like a heart beat.
The elegant rhythm,
Pulling me back.
To the place where I found myself,
where I see you,
And feel you see me.
It’s not the loneliness anymore,
It’s that piece of my soul I miss.
It’s the wonder of transparent minds,
Blending into a tapestry of angelic strokes.
Only we can see, touch, and feel.
The depths are calling from the silence,
As a traveler in the noise,
I long to go,
sigh
home.
Apr 9, 2019
Apr 9, 2019 at 5:25 PM UTC
some flowers aren't meant to bloom fully,
they are plucked so early,
some waves aren't made to surf,
they die too early,
some eggs aren't meant to fertilize,
they are stolen so early,
i guess i wasnt meant to be loved deeply,
that's why you left so early..........
Mar 23, 2019
Mar 23, 2019 at 12:50 PM UTC
i didnt say no
i didn’t move
it wasn’t violent
like the time before
but just the same
he filled me up
in 2 minutes
leaving me feeling
empty inside
-January 10th, 2016
Feb 26, 2019
Feb 26, 2019 at 12:45 AM UTC