#have
my old adage
poetry is where you find it,
in every room in the house,
every egress and exit,
the passing conversation
the desultory and the methodical,
the overheard and the under heard
the riff, and tha raff.
many/not all/ children
are climbers;
a mountainous boulder in the Central Park,
the steps of the nearest Mesoamerican pyramid,
staircases with rooftop adventurous unknowns,
there exists within many a child, the urgency,
the compulsion to climb
the ignorance of risk,
is a specialty uniquely
native to the very young,
and disappears much sooner than later
when the fear of heights
becomes an early adult onset intuitive,
sensory privation noticeably in the
low legs suddenly gone weak
but when you are the ripe old age of
5, 6, 7, 8, or even an odd nine year old child
the tuition of intuition of gravity has not yet been fully paid,
and scrapes and bruises are boo hoo here today,
and though unwanted,
are ****** gone on by the morrow morn,
so any structure exist for the pleasuring of a thrilling
challenge.
(‘tis no accident that thrill and spill rhythmically rhyme)
my point made.
yet my seniority perspective inward on highest alert,
as the granddaughter and the grand~niece
scramble up,
a high up shelf behind the family table,
a shelf that was either deemed useful or decorative,
but no one longer remembers the plain danger of
something being being there,
at the precise height
of reachable
and yet dangerous!
that makes my half century warning bells go off
like a firehouse alarm
then
I hear the young parents calling out calmly, perhaps, even wisely,
do you have a plan to get down?
in contradiction to my experienced instinct
to run, to preserve, to protect
the inocentes from the risks that only
the protectorate of old grown ups can future envision instantaneously,
and tethering seat belts are
never where you would like them to be,
a teachable moment,
a life long skilling being put in place,
and when so inquired,
they scramble down
with unforeseen ease
by jumping down
fearlessly from
their latest attainments
the day will come
that a bone be broke,
but not a heart or
a mind,
they are learning
forever
not to be afraid,
when
ya gotta plan
to occasionally know how to step down. carefully,
when you gotta
just keep climbing,
higher and higher.
May 18
May 18, 2026 at 2:32 AM UTC
drought, el nino, fire, famine, tsunami, volcanic, earthquake,
war, greed, death,
May 18
May 18, 2026 at 8:12 AM UTC
A million had marched to D.C.
That sweltering day in August 1963
From all across America
To re-declare universal freedom for all.
Martin Luther King Jr.
Advanced to the podium with
Lincoln's memorial at his back.
He had traveled there through
Montgomery, Albany, Birmingham,
Through two dozen arrests,
Arson, police dogs and vilification.
The spirits of his heroes,
Abraham Lincoln, Mahatma Ghandi
And Rosa Parks stood beside him
With all who had marched with him.
As he stepped to the mike and spoke:
"I have a dream that one day
this nation will rise up and
live out the true meaning of its creed:
We hold these truths to be self-evident
that all men are created equal."
"I have a dream that my four little children
will one day live in a nation
where they will not be judged
by the color of their skin but by
the content of their character."
Let these measured words burn in our hearts -
As the eternal flame of our honor and destiny.
May 5
May 5, 2026 at 9:37 PM UTC
From and For
EvelynYiningChen
Thank you!
Apr 16, 2026 at 4:13 AM EDT
“Loneliness doesn't have to be a dark hole but rather a peaceful treaty: for we can't hold onto anything, we have nothing really to lose.”
<><>
this!
hits me
when i am befouled,
mood ruined,
a sweet moment,
flips into
a rousing horseradish bittersweet
and one turn to poetry to soothe a raging
internal, catching me off guard,
“and yet”
you start a revision, a turntable moment,
and the soul wrestling commences
yes, loneliness does not necessarily
be the dark hole we all are with on/in/drown
intimate
terms
first, no, both hands,
head holding
saving face, saving grace,
looking for support Within/without,
but a peaceful treaty
(how I love that notion)
with oneself;
the externalities of most of us
are invariably swayed
by our nearest
sadly, regrettably
and I think
believe
that today’s,
tomorrow’s-sorrows,
will contaminate,
and I write no more,
till I am
purged, expiated, resolved utilizing tools that though rusted,
just like me
us, we, me, all the moving parts
may still have a half-life,
to be usable useful nml
Apr 16
Apr 16, 2026 at 7:39 AM UTC
from the musky mist
of anonymous readers,
all takers of low repute,
stopper-by's on a voyage of
self pleasuring
I give you my pain,
my infrequent joy,
my five sensory historical compilation
of voyeuring into
a multi-felled, a multi-celled
organism
and u can't lift a finger
to acknowledge
your presence
here is my rule of opposable thumbs,
Mary Elizabeth,
read not the last line,
read not the last chapter
like a novel,
a cheap way,
a teenage way to
decide what to read
if you read a poem all the way thru,
top to bottom,
if it holds you enough to make you
go thru
the whole of a body of art,
if you hated it or loved it,
or just sniff indiff
the mere fact that it held you
the mere fact that you held it,
means that in some manner
you liked it, or it captured
your lazy eye
so don't be a lazy ****
click the like button,
otherwise
you are just a john or a *****
did you like that last line?
2:48 am
Apr 30, 2014
Apr 30, 2014 at 2:48 AM UTC
to give, to love, to retread,
the over and under again,
know this, admit; do not say out loud,
like a breath of used up breath,
expelling repeatedly,
and quiet like invited back in
Expelling the familiarity,
the comfort zone of the well known!
you can and you cannot too!
so we rewrite
this one poem over and over
again,
with a twitch, a twisty,
a hoisted revanchist,
never giving up the ghost,
or the pétard hoisted,
while reclaiming our place,
but just we too knows it,
and greet it anew
with joie de
vivre la différence!
and nobody notices…
Mar 15
Mar 15, 2026 at 8:49 AM UTC
no one holds my ring finger
in the hallway anymore
between first and second period
and lunch and fourth;
and you laugh with your friends
but you don't clasp their hands-
there is an infinity between us
an unbridgeable sea
or ocean
and the flower fields are wilting
under your steps.
sometimes i wish that you had
been different
but it's stupid to wish for the old you
and it's mean to think
that you could have known better
than befriending me.
what if we are secretly
not gravity
and not magnets
and not north and south poles
like we promised
what if all we are
is our heartbeats
and our breaths
and the look in our eyes
i have to stop feeling sorry
for you
Mar 11
Mar 11, 2026 at 9:32 PM UTC
The days are over
Happy time saying goodbyes
The sun turning the back on me
Sunny days are gone
Down I go with no holding back
My soul feels as if it has a mind of it own
All those times I used to think am the master of my heart
Until the rain came
It was easy at first
Until she was full in control of the storm
Then I can see now
It takes a lot to define me
Let me not speak but my heart
Cause that's were am found
In the end the rain's always right
It feels like it's wrong but still right
Cause she can never be wrong
She's always right
And never wrong
The rainy days are here to stay
When the sun is behind the clouds
Feb 26
Feb 26, 2026 at 2:29 PM UTC
have
you ever seen the dark for real?
have you
reached out into the space between
earth and
sky
and held her hand
have you said *take me
please*
have you ever heard her voice
right in your ear
has it seemed familiar to you?
i didn't think so.
Dec 17, 2025
Dec 17, 2025 at 10:43 PM UTC
except that you have
attached your parfumed,
par~col~odored exhalations
into our shared airs,
with uniqued fumes,
thy airy
essences
to thine own chosen words,
in combines never before
seen or heard,
but worn by you,
draped from chains abound your neck,
dripping from thy tongue,
dropping from thine eyes,
leaking from your pores,
from fingers in rose gold
adorning rings bright shining
so more, so unique,
impossible to misidentify
as anything anybody any anything,
but
yours, yours…yours,
but not belabor this
fact basic,
disguise your name,
hide your fame,
make your locale,
somewhere in the unreachable,
unreal,
multiverse,
none the less,
and allthemore,
cannot escape,
the ultimate reality,
when first you press that
keyed
SEND,
you have parted, done with,
an immeasurable
small but grandeured piece of
your unique self,
if that makes you anxious,
here my eyes crinkle sympathetically,
am please to blurt
this major alert:
u have nothing to fear,
too late, too late,
you are now made,
part and particle,
past participle
futured history in
the particulared,
longest continuum
on this tiny, tiny
planet
oh well,
just thought you'd
like to know,
despite your guises,
your are now
100 per cent,
immutable ^
10/5/25 staying alive
Oct 3, 2025
Oct 3, 2025 at 8:23 PM UTC
They have children,
they have homes,
they have money,
they have jobs,
they have cars.
And their list of wants stretches on endlessly.
We, poets,
have paper and pen.
For us, this has to be enough.
And it is.
Sep 8, 2025
Sep 8, 2025 at 3:41 PM UTC
i don't have to i
don't want to there is no why
just fill in the blank
Aug 6, 2023
Aug 6, 2023 at 10:22 PM UTC
Arthur Lee was with me in Vietnam,
Forever Changes is the sound track behind the
******* and Radioman
and the old survivor grandpa guy who wont keep a gun in the house,
but knows where to get one,
if it ever comes to that,
again...
tri-alogues
never can say, they say, I don't know, I 'd say if I am as I think
I am able to say hey
Yahweh, could we know this the song Arthur Lee was
singing into a a can can we say
canwe wish we were there and not need
the pain. Cannon to the west of us, big one five fives,
rattle my walls, and I see the chameleons go green to blue
I was there, it was not scary... I survived,
got a dispensation
for being good for nothing.
I could not even give my life, without it coming back,
to help you stop imaging-projecting life could lose, if you ***** up.
Don't lie. Do that one, until it is habit, you have,
be having you as true known to you as true.
not imagined
no believed lie allows a shadow of turning on the moon...
nonsense, or not
accuse me of knowing satan is not a sentient being empowered
to punish me for thinks.
accuse me of being sure i know that.
I am the knower of truth as defined by
whose authority... mine. To thine own self, be true, I judge me,
you judge you, we each judge every message,
each signal, all the signs we give meaning to, as we learn,
everybody knows,
these are those days when everything changed
and we
overlooked our duty to prevent it.
We were sorta thinking peace is a makers thing, it can be made.
So I made some, and I still had some from yesterday,
so, if your world is fractured, you can stick some in the holes so
when wicked peace is out of the question, peace,
just peace,
not servitude, just peace, is possible,
on earth, 2020. There are these ideas, Eumenides... those
are on stage...
they know how revenge works. Mortals have no clue.
As all the literature testifies.
Jul 14, 2020
Jul 14, 2020 at 6:39 PM UTC
(seven)
i stopped wearing shorts—
unable to stop feeling eyes raking my legs
up and down, up and down.
i didn't even know there was a word for that.
(ten)
i started wearing clothes
a size big for me.
they did not ask why
i get angry whenever they force me
to wear something that clings.
i hated puberty,
how things would grow and change,
and they would stare.
(eleven)
i tried wearing shorts again.
immediately i get the feeling of someone
trailing behind me.
i went home as quickly as possible.
(thirteen)
i wore baggy clothes during commute—
a blouse and jeans. it was a thirty minute ride.
it felt longer. especially since this man
sat next to me,
hounding me nonsense— anong pangalan mo?
i do not answer.
that night, i had my resolve—
i will never commute alone again.
people laughed at me. hinahatid ka kasi lagi.
no.
(fifteen)
i started giving prolonged glares,
staring into the eyes of the beast
whenever i hear a whisper as i pass by.
hello, saan ka pupunta?
so i stare them down. funny how
they back away
as i stop in my tracks asking with my eyes
"what now, imbecile?"
does it feel bad when people don't tolerate
the ******** coming out of your mouth?
(nineteen)
ano ba kasi ang suot niya? they ask.
everything feels white-hot, searing.
i refuse to hear anymore of that.
exit.
(twenty)
every time i go home on my own
i carry something
in my hands, a blade if you must.
the night sky begins to envelop the horizon.
the streetlights cast their sickly orange hue
on the pavement as i take one last look at the hospital.
i hope i make it home in time.
Jun 29, 2020
Jun 29, 2020 at 1:30 AM UTC
** why do the white gulls call? (everyday must have its poem)**
<>
the cries are intelligible,
each a separate story of:
patient waiting, of seas
unending waving, unchanging,
cycling, waiting, prophesying,
propelling history, retaining a
staining past, future similar...
why do the white gulls call?
for evening tide rapid approaching,
we may even have a decent sunset,
first worthy of being drunk toasted,
all reminders that this ordinary Monday,
has nearly escaped without an extraordinary
composition, you prone position negates
inspiration, so rouse yourself, rise taller
tribute due, tribute demanded, tribute needed,
that is why the gulls screech, fearful of lapse,
that poet will suppress what is compelled, no,
compulsed! the senescent days offer no excuse,
indeed, the time of limitation is nigh, is here,
the gulls know their history human, its lore,
needs foretelling, retelling, and keeping
humans come and go, but gull generations require
the prescient precision of their words, to define,
to record each day’s unique way of living/dying,
so they can become forebears of the future,
the passers down, of that they cannot exclaim well,
we humans are their heroes, living close by,
we carry the gulls thanks given, for skilled appreciation
so they cry out, is our poem be readied, for the day’s end
comes closer and* every day must have its poem!
Jun 15, 2020
Jun 15, 2020 at 6:56 PM UTC
Never have I ever thought I was pretty.
Never have I ever thought I was smart.
Never have I ever thought I was skinny.
Never have I ever thought I would get a boyfriend.
Never have I ever felt like someone believed in me.
Never have I ever felt not alone.
Never have I ever felt like I was enough.
Never have I ever not wanted you to know:
You ARE pretty.
You ARE smart.
You ARE perfect the way you are.
You DON'T need a boyfriend to live your best life.
You ARE believed in.
You ARE strong.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
YOU ARE ENOUGH.
May 17, 2020
May 17, 2020 at 8:29 PM UTC
<>
“Have you reckon’d a thousand acres much?
Have you reckon’d the earth much?
Have you practis’d so long to learn to read?
Have you felt so proud to get at the meaning of poems?”
Song of Myself (1892 version) by Walt Whitman
§§§
*A night of reckoning, calculations repeated-checked, sums divided,
did I use too many, or not enough, words to be understood, verbiage eloquent,
did daytime reveal my poetic meanings, or double-occlude it’s essence?
I have reckon’d Manhattan Isle, circumnavigated its riverbed boundaries, a younger me, by kayak rounded it, from the Spuyten Duyvil Creek to the Battery, 14,500 acres give or take, a lifeatime to complete a dead reckoning, an unfinished full configuring.
but haven’t reckon’d that Earth and I will be entwined/entombed in each other’s arms, until such time, one of us or both, will be reduced to cosmic dust, our pride, our poems, will be equally unimportant and irrelevant, I reckon.
in retrospective rear view perspective, come to understand that we spend every moment of our lives, reckoning, determine the odds of which fork we will take, laugh out loud, for each moment, a poem is titled, the resultant, a poem - who needs a muse, you’ve got choices!
So, yes, Walt, the questing answers you’ve requested:
Aye, yes, yup, but no to pride, for pride and poetry in one sentence is
a death sentence at multiple levels, pride, poetry, ego, suicide,...sins,
so better no proud for it is the entree, the invitation to fall-fail...*
§§§§§
12:03AM Frieday
May 15th
my deadline missed,
but what is three minutes,
but empty pride...
Manhattan Island
May 15, 2020
May 15, 2020 at 8:51 AM UTC
It seems like today
I have little to say
Nothing amusing or clever
No biting retort
Nor subtle bon mot
Or an idea to use as a lever
To open the crypt
Of my bottom lip
A relevant thought to deliver
The very concept
Makes me feel quite inept
Yet also sets me aquiver
No funny remark
Providing a spark
Which bursts into creative flame
So while others may hark
From lives shallow and stark
Remember that this is no game.
Jan 14, 2020
Jan 14, 2020 at 10:32 PM UTC
You know I love this, you do as well
We all love the feeling of the dripping blood
I know this feeling brings us closer to hell,
But I cannot live through this emotion flood
I need it to stay alive and sane.
The feeling is good too, it’s bliss
I love all the self inflicted pain
I want more, everyday, without miss.
You may think I’m out of line, I’m crazy
But i know you love it too
You are a ***** you’re lazy
I deal with that **** everyday, and so do you.
We need our emotion vents to let out the crud.
Why not again use our own blood
Dec 28, 2019
Dec 28, 2019 at 2:07 AM UTC
For all my friends and family i know you are all feeling
frustrated, helpless, and ready
to give up. It’s not your fault. You are not the cause of our suffering.
You may find that difficult to believe, since we may lash out at you, switch from being loving and kind to non-trusting and cruel on a dime, and we may even straight up blame you. But it’s not your fault. You deserve to understand more about this condition and what we wish we could say but may not be ready.
It is possible that something that you said or did “triggered” us. A trigger is something that sets off in our minds a past traumatic event or causes us to have distressing thoughts. While you can attempt to be sensitive with the things you say and do, that’s not always possible, and it’s not always clear why something sets off a trigger.
The mind is very complex. A certain song, sound, smell, or words can quickly fire off neurological connections that bring us back to a place where we didn’t feel safe
, and we might respond in the now with a similar reaction (think of military persons who fight in combat — a simple backfiring of a car can send them into flashbacks. This is known as PTSD, and it happens to a lot of us, too.)
But please know that at the very same time that we are pushing you away with our words or behavior, we also desperately hope that you will not leave us or abandon us in our time of despair and desperation.
This extreme, black or white thinking and experience of totally opposite desires is known as a dialectic. Early on in our diagnosis and before really digging in deep with DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy), we don’t have the proper tools to tell you this or ask for your support in healthy ways.
We may do very dramatic things, such as harming ourselves in some way (or threatening to do so), going to the hospital, or something similar. While these cries for help should be taken seriously, we understand that you may experience “burn out” from worrying about us and the repeated behavior.
Please trust that, with professional help, and despite what you may have heard or come to believe, we CAN and DO get better.
These episodes can get farther and fewer between, and we can experience long periods of stability and regulation of our emotions. Sometimes the best thing to do, if you can muster up the strength in all of your frustration and hurt, is to grab us, hug us, and tell us that you love us, care, and are not leaving.
One of the symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder is an intense fear of being abandoned, and we therefore (often unconsciously) sometimes behave in extreme, frantic ways to avoid this from happening. Even our perception that abandonment is imminent can cause us to become frantic.
Another thing that you may find confusing is our apparent inability to maintain relationships. We may jump from one friend to another, going from loving and idolizing them to despising them – deleting them from our cell phones and unfriending them on Facebook. We may avoid you, not answer calls, and decline invitations to be around you — and other times, all we want to do is be around you.
This is called splitting, and it’s part of the disorder. Sometimes we take a preemptive strike by disowning people before they can reject or abandon us. We’re not saying it’s “right.” We can work through this destructive pattern and learn how to be healthier in the context of relationships. It just doesn’t come naturally to us. It will take time and a lot of effort.
It’s difficult, after all, to relate to others properly when you don’t have a solid understanding of yourself and who you are, apart from everyone else around you.
In Borderline Personality Disorder, many of us experience identity disturbance issues. We may take on the attributes of those around us, never really knowing who WE are. You remember in high school those kids who went from liking rock music to pop to goth, all to fit in with a group – dressing like them, styling their hair like them, using the same mannerisms? It’s as if we haven’t outgrown that.
Sometimes we even take on the mannerisms of other people (we are one way at work, another at home, another at church), which is part of how we’ve gotten our nickname of “chameleons.” Sure, people act differently at home and at work, but you might not recognize us by the way we behave at work versus at home. It’s that extreme.
For some of us, we had childhoods during which, unfortunately, we had parents or caregivers who could quickly switch from loving and normal to abusive. We had to behave in ways that would please the caregiver at any given moment in order to stay safe and survive. We haven’t outgrown this.
Because of all of this pain, we often experience feelings of emptiness. We can’t imagine how helpless you must feel to witness this. Perhaps you have tried so many things to ease the pain, but nothing has worked. Again – this is NOT your fault.
The best thing we can do during these times is remind ourselves that “this too shall pass” and practice DBT skills – especially self-soothing – things that helps us to feel a little better despite the numbness. Boredom is often dangerous for us, as it can lead to the feelings of emptiness. It’s smart for us to stay busy and distract ourselves when boredom starts to come on.
On the other side of the coin, we may have outburst of anger that can be scary. It’s important that we stay safe and not hurt you or ourselves. This is just another manifestation of BPD.
We are highly emotionally sensitive and have extreme difficulty regulating/modulating our emotions. Dr. Marsha Linehan, founder of DBT, likens us to 3rd degree emotional burn victims.
Through Dialectical Behavior Therapy, we can learn how to regulate our emotions so that we do not become out of control. We can learn how to stop sabotaging our lives and circumstances…and we can learn to behave in ways that are less hurtful and frightening to you.
Another thing you may have noticed is that spaced out look on our faces. This is called dissociation. Our brains literally disconnect, and our thoughts go somewhere else, as our brains are trying to protect us from additional emotional trauma. We can learn grounding exercises and apply our skills to help during these episodes, and they may become less frequent as we get better.
But, what about you?
If you have decided to tap into your strength and stand by your loved one with BPD, you probably need support too. Here are some ideas:
Remind yourself that the person’s behavior isn’t your fault
Tap into your compassion for the person’s suffering while understanding that their behavior is probably an intense reaction to that suffering
Do things to take care of YOU. On the resources page of this blog, there is a wealth of information on books, workbooks, CDs, movies, etc. for you to understand this disorder and take care of yourself. Be sure to check it out!
In addition to learning more about BPD and how to self-care around it, be sure to do things that you enjoy and that soothe you, such as getting out for a walk, seeing a funny movie, eating a good meal, taking a warm bath — whatever you like to do to care for yourself and feel comforted.
Ask questions. There is a lot of misconception out there about BPD.
Remember that your words, love, and support go a long way in helping your loved one to heal, even if the results are not immediately evident
Not all of the situations I described apply to all people with Borderline Personality Disorder. One must only have 5 symptoms out of 9 to qualify for a diagnosis, and the combinations of those 5-9 are seemingly endless. This post is just to give you an idea of the typical suffering and thoughts those of us with BPD have.
This is my second year in DBT. A year ago, I could not have written this letter, but it represents much of what was in my heart but could not yet be realized or expressed.
My hope is that you will gain new insight into your loved one’s condition and grow in compassion and understand for both your loved one AND yourself, as this is not an easy road.
I can tell you, from personal experience, that working on this illness through DBT is worth the fight. Hope can be returned. A normal life can be had. You can see glimpses and more and more of who that person really is over time, if you don’t give up. I wish you peace.
Dec 26, 2019
Dec 26, 2019 at 12:30 AM UTC
It's a sad thing
When January 15th means more to me
Than my own birthday
I guess I'll celebrate
Anyways
Happy birthday
Dec 19, 2019
Dec 19, 2019 at 5:09 PM UTC