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#have
my old adage poetry is where you find it, in every room in the house, every egress and exit, the passing conversation the desultory and the methodical, the overheard and the under heard the riff, and tha raff. many/not all/ children are climbers; a mountainous boulder in the Central Park, the steps of the nearest Mesoamerican pyramid, staircases with rooftop adventurous unknowns, there exists within many a child, the urgency, the compulsion to climb the ignorance of risk, is a specialty uniquely native to the very young, and disappears much sooner than later when the fear of heights becomes an early adult onset intuitive, sensory privation noticeably in the low legs suddenly gone weak but when you are the ripe old age of 5, 6, 7, 8, or even an odd nine year old child the tuition of intuition of gravity has not yet been fully paid, and scrapes and bruises are boo hoo here today, and though unwanted, are ****** gone on by the morrow morn, so any structure exist for the pleasuring of a thrilling challenge. (‘tis no accident that thrill and spill rhythmically rhyme) my point made. yet my seniority perspective inward on highest alert, as the granddaughter and the grand~niece scramble up, a high up shelf behind the family table, a shelf that was either deemed useful or decorative, but no one longer remembers the plain danger of something being being there, at the precise height of reachable and yet dangerous! that makes my half century warning bells go off like a firehouse alarm then I hear the young parents calling out calmly, perhaps, even wisely, do you have a plan to get down? in contradiction to my experienced instinct to run, to preserve, to protect the inocentes from the risks that only the protectorate of old grown ups can future envision instantaneously, and tethering seat belts are never where you would like them to be, a teachable moment, a life long skilling being put in place, and when so inquired, they scramble down with unforeseen ease by jumping down fearlessly from their latest attainments the day will come that a bone be broke, but not a heart or a mind, they are learning forever not to be afraid, when ya gotta plan to occasionally know how to step down. carefully, when you gotta just keep climbing, higher and higher.
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May 18
May 18, 2026 at 2:32 AM UTC
Do you have a plan to get down?
my old adage poetry is where you find it, in every room in the house, every egress and exit, the passing conversation the desultory and the methodical, the overheard and the under heard the riff, and tha raff. many/not all/ children are climbers; a mountainous boulder in the Central Park, the steps of the nearest Mesoamerican pyramid, staircases with rooftop adventurous unknowns, there exists within many a child, the urgency, the compulsion to climb the ignorance of risk, is a specialty uniquely native to the very young, and disappears much sooner than later when the fear of heights becomes an early adult onset intuitive, sensory privation noticeably in the low legs suddenly gone weak but when you are the ripe old age of 5, 6, 7, 8, or even an odd nine year old child the tuition of intuition of gravity has not yet been fully paid, and scrapes and bruises are boo hoo here today, and though unwanted, are ****** gone on by the morrow morn, so any structure exist for the pleasuring of a thrilling challenge. (‘tis no accident that thrill and spill rhythmically rhyme) my point made. yet my seniority perspective inward on highest alert, as the granddaughter and the grand~niece scramble up, a high up shelf behind the family table, a shelf that was either deemed useful or decorative, but no one longer remembers the plain danger of something being being there, at the precise height of reachable and yet dangerous! that makes my half century warning bells go off like a firehouse alarm then I hear the young parents calling out calmly, perhaps, even wisely, do you have a plan to get down? in contradiction to my experienced instinct to run, to preserve, to protect the inocentes from the risks that only the protectorate of old grown ups can future envision instantaneously, and tethering seat belts are never where you would like them to be, a teachable moment, a life long skilling being put in place, and when so inquired, they scramble down with unforeseen ease by jumping down fearlessly from their latest attainments the day will come that a bone be broke, but not a heart or a mind, they are learning forever not to be afraid, when ya gotta plan to occasionally know how to step down. carefully, when you gotta just keep climbing, higher and higher.
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75
drought, el nino, fire, famine, tsunami, volcanic, earthquake, war, greed, death,
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May 18
May 18, 2026 at 8:12 AM UTC
10w our planet
A million had marched to D.C. That sweltering day in August 1963 From all across America To re-declare universal freedom for all. Martin Luther King Jr. Advanced to the podium with Lincoln's memorial at his back. He had traveled there through Montgomery, Albany, Birmingham, Through two dozen arrests, Arson, police dogs and vilification. The spirits of his heroes, Abraham Lincoln, Mahatma Ghandi And Rosa Parks stood beside him With all who had marched with him. As he stepped to the mike and spoke: "I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal." "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character." Let these measured words burn in our hearts - As the eternal flame of our honor and destiny.
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May 5
May 5, 2026 at 9:37 PM UTC
REVEREND DR. KING
From and For EvelynYiningChen Thank you! Apr 16, 2026 at 4:13 AM EDT “Loneliness doesn't have to be a dark hole but rather a peaceful treaty: for we can't hold onto anything, we have nothing really to lose.” <><> this! hits me when i am befouled, mood ruined, a sweet moment, flips into a rousing horseradish bittersweet and one turn to poetry to soothe a raging internal, catching me off guard, “and yet” you start a revision, a turntable moment, and the soul wrestling commences yes, loneliness does not necessarily be the dark hole we all are with on/in/drown intimate terms first, no, both hands, head holding saving face, saving grace, looking for support Within/without, but a peaceful treaty (how I love that notion) with oneself; the externalities of most of us are invariably swayed by our nearest sadly, regrettably and I think believe that today’s, tomorrow’s-sorrows, will contaminate, and I write no more, till I am purged, expiated, resolved utilizing tools that though rusted, just like me us, we, me, all the moving parts may still have a half-life, to be usable useful nml
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Apr 16
Apr 16, 2026 at 7:39 AM UTC
Loneliness doesn't have to be a dark hole but SHOULD BE a peaceful treaty
from the musky mist of anonymous readers, all takers of low repute, stopper-by's on a voyage of self pleasuring I give you my pain, my infrequent joy, my five sensory historical compilation of voyeuring into a multi-felled, a multi-celled organism and u can't lift a finger to acknowledge your presence here is my rule of opposable thumbs, Mary Elizabeth, read not the last line, read not the last chapter like a novel, a cheap way, a teenage way to decide what to read if you read a poem all the way thru, top to bottom, if it holds you enough to make you go thru the whole of a body of art, if you hated it or loved it, or just sniff indiff the mere fact that it held you the mere fact that you held it, means that in some manner you liked it, or it captured your lazy eye so don't be a lazy **** click the like button, otherwise you are just a john or a ***** did you like that last line? 2:48 am
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Apr 30, 2014
Apr 30, 2014 at 2:48 AM UTC
2:48am Do you have the courage to like a poem? (2014)
what happened along the way? where did i go wrong?
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Apr 8
Apr 8, 2026 at 11:53 AM UTC
i was lucky
to give, to love, to retread, the over and under again, know this, admit; do not say out loud, like a breath of used up breath, expelling repeatedly, and quiet like invited back in Expelling the familiarity, the comfort zone of the well known! you can and you cannot too! so we rewrite this one poem over and over again, with a twitch, a twisty, a hoisted revanchist, never giving up the ghost, or the pétard hoisted, while reclaiming our place, but just we too knows it, and greet it anew with joie de vivre la différence! and nobody notices…
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Mar 15
Mar 15, 2026 at 8:49 AM UTC
we each have just but one poem
no one holds my ring finger in the hallway anymore between first and second period and lunch and fourth; and you laugh with your friends but you don't clasp their hands- there is an infinity between us an unbridgeable sea or ocean and the flower fields are wilting under your steps. sometimes i wish that you had been different but it's stupid to wish for the old you and it's mean to think that you could have known better than befriending me. what if we are secretly not gravity and not magnets and not north and south poles like we promised what if all we are is our heartbeats and our breaths and the look in our eyes i have to stop feeling sorry for you
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Mar 11
Mar 11, 2026 at 9:32 PM UTC
all we ever were
The days are over Happy time saying goodbyes The sun turning the back on me Sunny days are gone Down I go with no holding back My soul feels as if it has a mind of it own All those times I used to think am the master of my heart Until the rain came It was easy at first Until she was full in control of the storm Then I can see now It takes a lot to define me Let me not speak but my heart Cause that's were am found In the end the rain's always right It feels like it's wrong but still right Cause she can never be wrong She's always right And never wrong The rainy days are here to stay When the sun is behind the clouds
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Feb 26
Feb 26, 2026 at 2:29 PM UTC
Raining days is here to stay
have you ever seen the dark for real? have you reached out into the space between earth and sky and held her hand have you said *take me please* have you ever heard her voice right in your ear has it seemed familiar to you? i didn't think so.
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Dec 17, 2025
Dec 17, 2025 at 10:43 PM UTC
non-mutual friends
except that you have attached your parfumed, par~col~odored exhalations into our shared airs, with uniqued fumes,    thy airy essences to thine own chosen words, in combines never before seen or heard, but worn by you, draped from chains abound your neck, dripping from thy tongue, dropping from thine eyes, leaking from your pores, from fingers in rose gold adorning rings bright shining so more, so unique, impossible to misidentify as anything anybody any anything, but yours, yours…yours,      but not belabor this fact basic, disguise your name, hide your fame, make your locale, somewhere in the unreachable, unreal, multiverse, none the less, and allthemore, cannot escape, the ultimate reality, when first you press that keyed SEND, you have parted, done with, an immeasurable small but grandeured piece of your unique self, if that makes you anxious, here my eyes crinkle sympathetically, am please to blurt this major alert: u have nothing to fear, too late, too late, you are now made, part and particle, past participle futured history in the particulared, longest continuum on this tiny, tiny planet oh well, just thought you'd like to know, despite your guises, your are now 100 per cent, immutable ^ 10/5/25 staying alive
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Oct 3, 2025
Oct 3, 2025 at 8:23 PM UTC
Immutable: you 🫵...have nothing to be anxious about 👍
They have children,   they have homes,   they have money,   they have jobs,   they have cars. And their list of wants stretches on endlessly. We, poets, have paper and pen.   For us, this has to be enough. And it is.
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Sep 8, 2025
Sep 8, 2025 at 3:41 PM UTC
Us & Them
i don't have to i don't want to there is no why just fill in the blank
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Aug 6, 2023
Aug 6, 2023 at 10:22 PM UTC
haiku 23/7/13c
Arthur Lee was with me in Vietnam, Forever Changes is the sound track behind the ******* and Radioman and the old survivor grandpa guy who wont keep a gun in the house, but knows where to get one, if it ever comes to that, again... tri-alogues never can say, they say, I don't know, I 'd say if I am as I think I am able to say hey Yahweh, could we know this the song Arthur Lee was singing into a a can can we say canwe wish we were there and not need the pain. Cannon to the west of us, big one five fives, rattle my walls, and I see the chameleons go green to blue I was there, it was not scary... I survived, got a dispensation for being good for nothing. I could not even give my life, without it coming back, to help you stop imaging-projecting life could lose, if you ***** up. Don't lie. Do that one, until it is habit, you have, be having you as true known to you as true. not imagined no believed lie allows a shadow of turning on the moon... nonsense, or not accuse me of knowing satan is not a sentient being empowered to punish me for thinks. accuse me of being sure i know that. I am the knower of truth as defined by whose authority... mine. To thine own self, be true, I judge me, you judge you, we each judge every message, each signal, all the signs we give meaning to, as we learn, everybody knows, these are those days when everything changed and we overlooked our duty to prevent it. We were sorta thinking peace is a makers thing, it can be made. So I made some, and I still had some from yesterday, so, if your world is fractured, you can stick some in the holes so when wicked peace is out of the question, peace, just peace, not servitude, just peace, is possible, on earth, 2020. There are these ideas, Eumenides... those are on stage... they know how revenge works. Mortals have no clue. As all the literature testifies.
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Jul 14, 2020
Jul 14, 2020 at 6:39 PM UTC
If-icate, point peace, in times of scorn
Arthur Lee was with me in Vietnam, Forever Changes is the sound track behind the ******* and Radioman and the old survivor grandpa guy who wont keep a gun in the house, but knows where to get one, if it ever comes to that, again... tri-alogues never can say, they say, I don't know, I 'd say if I am as I think I am able to say hey Yahweh, could we know this the song Arthur Lee was singing into a a can can we say canwe wish we were there and not need the pain. Cannon to the west of us, big one five fives, rattle my walls, and I see the chameleons go green to blue I was there, it was not scary... I survived, got a dispensation for being good for nothing. I could not even give my life, without it coming back, to help you stop imaging-projecting life could lose, if you ***** up. Don't lie. Do that one, until it is habit, you have, be having you as true known to you as true. not imagined no believed lie allows a shadow of turning on the moon... nonsense, or not accuse me of knowing satan is not a sentient being empowered to punish me for thinks. accuse me of being sure i know that. I am the knower of truth as defined by whose authority... mine. To thine own self, be true, I judge me, you judge you, we each judge every message, each signal, all the signs we give meaning to, as we learn, everybody knows, these are those days when everything changed and we overlooked our duty to prevent it. We were sorta thinking peace is a makers thing, it can be made. So I made some, and I still had some from yesterday, so, if your world is fractured, you can stick some in the holes so when wicked peace is out of the question, peace, just peace, not servitude, just peace, is possible, on earth, 2020. There are these ideas, Eumenides... those are on stage... they know how revenge works. Mortals have no clue. As all the literature testifies.
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46
(seven) i stopped wearing shorts— unable to stop feeling eyes raking my legs up and down, up and down. i didn't even know there was a word for that. (ten) i started wearing clothes a size big for me. they did not ask why i get angry whenever they force me to wear something that clings. i hated puberty, how things would grow and change, and they would stare. (eleven) i tried wearing shorts again. immediately i get the feeling of someone trailing behind me. i went home as quickly as possible. (thirteen) i wore baggy clothes during commute— a blouse and jeans. it was a thirty minute ride. it felt longer. especially since this man sat next to me, hounding me nonsense— anong pangalan mo? i do not answer. that night, i had my resolve— i will never commute alone again. people laughed at me. hinahatid ka kasi lagi. no. (fifteen) i started giving prolonged glares, staring into the eyes of the beast whenever i hear a whisper as i pass by. hello, saan ka pupunta? so i stare them down. funny how they back away as i stop in my tracks asking with my eyes "what now, imbecile?" does it feel bad when people don't tolerate the ******** coming out of your mouth? (nineteen) ano ba kasi ang suot niya? they ask. everything feels white-hot, searing. i refuse to hear anymore of that. exit. (twenty) every time i go home on my own i carry something in my hands, a blade if you must. the night sky begins to envelop the horizon. the streetlights cast their sickly orange hue on the pavement as i take one last look at the hospital. i hope i make it home in time.
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Jun 29, 2020
Jun 29, 2020 at 1:30 AM UTC
Hija.
(seven) i stopped wearing shorts— unable to stop feeling eyes raking my legs up and down, up and down. i didn't even know there was a word for that. (ten) i started wearing clothes a size big for me. they did not ask why i get angry whenever they force me to wear something that clings. i hated puberty, how things would grow and change, and they would stare. (eleven) i tried wearing shorts again. immediately i get the feeling of someone trailing behind me. i went home as quickly as possible. (thirteen) i wore baggy clothes during commute— a blouse and jeans. it was a thirty minute ride. it felt longer. especially since this man sat next to me, hounding me nonsense— anong pangalan mo? i do not answer. that night, i had my resolve— i will never commute alone again. people laughed at me. hinahatid ka kasi lagi. no. (fifteen) i started giving prolonged glares, staring into the eyes of the beast whenever i hear a whisper as i pass by. hello, saan ka pupunta? so i stare them down. funny how they back away as i stop in my tracks asking with my eyes "what now, imbecile?" does it feel bad when people don't tolerate the ******** coming out of your mouth? (nineteen) ano ba kasi ang suot niya? they ask. everything feels white-hot, searing. i refuse to hear anymore of that. exit. (twenty) every time i go home on my own i carry something in my hands, a blade if you must. the night sky begins to envelop the horizon. the streetlights cast their sickly orange hue on the pavement as i take one last look at the hospital. i hope i make it home in time.
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54
** why do the white gulls call? (everyday must have its poem)** <> the cries are intelligible, each a separate story of: patient waiting, of seas unending waving, unchanging, cycling, waiting, prophesying, propelling history, retaining a staining past, future similar... why do the white gulls call? for evening tide rapid approaching, we may even have a decent sunset, first worthy of being drunk toasted, all reminders that this ordinary Monday, has nearly escaped without an extraordinary composition, you prone position negates inspiration, so rouse yourself, rise taller tribute due, tribute demanded, tribute needed, that is why the gulls screech, fearful of lapse, that poet will suppress what is compelled, no, compulsed! the senescent days offer no excuse, indeed, the time of limitation is nigh, is here, the gulls know their history human, its lore, needs foretelling, retelling, and keeping humans come and go, but gull generations require the prescient precision of their words, to define, to record each day’s unique way of living/dying, so they can become forebears of the future, the passers down, of that they cannot exclaim well, we humans are their heroes, living close by, we carry the gulls thanks given, for skilled appreciation so they cry out, is our poem be readied, for the day’s end comes closer and* every day must have its poem!
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Jun 15, 2020
Jun 15, 2020 at 6:56 PM UTC
why do the white gulls call? (everyday must have its poem)
Never have I ever thought I was pretty. Never have I ever thought I was smart. Never have I ever thought I was skinny. Never have I ever thought I would get a boyfriend. Never have I ever felt like someone believed in me. Never have I ever felt not alone. Never have I ever felt like I was enough. Never have I ever not wanted you to know: You ARE pretty. You ARE smart. You ARE perfect the way you are. You DON'T need a boyfriend to live your best life. You ARE believed in. You ARE strong. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. YOU ARE ENOUGH.
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May 17, 2020
May 17, 2020 at 8:29 PM UTC
Never Have I Ever
<> “Have you reckon’d a thousand acres much? Have you reckon’d the earth much? Have you practis’d so long to learn to read? Have you felt so proud to get at the meaning of poems?” Song of Myself (1892 version) by Walt Whitman                                                             §§§ *A night of reckoning, calculations repeated-checked, sums divided, did I use too many, or not enough, words to be understood, verbiage eloquent, did daytime reveal my poetic meanings, or double-occlude it’s essence? I have reckon’d Manhattan Isle, circumnavigated its riverbed boundaries, a younger me, by kayak rounded it, from the Spuyten Duyvil Creek to the Battery, 14,500 acres give or take, a lifeatime to complete a dead reckoning, an unfinished full configuring. but haven’t reckon’d that Earth and I will be entwined/entombed in each other’s arms, until such time, one of us or both, will be reduced to cosmic dust, our pride, our poems, will be equally unimportant and irrelevant, I reckon. in retrospective rear view perspective, come to understand that we spend every moment of our lives, reckoning, determine the odds of which fork we will take, laugh out loud, for each moment, a poem  is titled, the resultant, a poem - who needs a muse, you’ve got choices! So, yes, Walt, the questing  answers you’ve requested: Aye, yes, yup, but no to pride, for pride and poetry in one sentence is a death sentence at multiple levels, pride, poetry, ego, suicide,...sins, so better no proud for it is the entree, the invitation to fall-fail...*                                                          §§§§§ 12:03AM  Frieday May 15th my deadline missed, but what is three minutes, but empty pride... Manhattan Island
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May 15, 2020
May 15, 2020 at 8:51 AM UTC
Whitman: “Have you reckon’d?”
<> “Have you reckon’d a thousand acres much? Have you reckon’d the earth much? Have you practis’d so long to learn to read? Have you felt so proud to get at the meaning of poems?” Song of Myself (1892 version) by Walt Whitman                                                             §§§ *A night of reckoning, calculations repeated-checked, sums divided, did I use too many, or not enough, words to be understood, verbiage eloquent, did daytime reveal my poetic meanings, or double-occlude it’s essence? I have reckon’d Manhattan Isle, circumnavigated its riverbed boundaries, a younger me, by kayak rounded it, from the Spuyten Duyvil Creek to the Battery, 14,500 acres give or take, a lifeatime to complete a dead reckoning, an unfinished full configuring. but haven’t reckon’d that Earth and I will be entwined/entombed in each other’s arms, until such time, one of us or both, will be reduced to cosmic dust, our pride, our poems, will be equally unimportant and irrelevant, I reckon. in retrospective rear view perspective, come to understand that we spend every moment of our lives, reckoning, determine the odds of which fork we will take, laugh out loud, for each moment, a poem  is titled, the resultant, a poem - who needs a muse, you’ve got choices! So, yes, Walt, the questing  answers you’ve requested: Aye, yes, yup, but no to pride, for pride and poetry in one sentence is a death sentence at multiple levels, pride, poetry, ego, suicide,...sins, so better no proud for it is the entree, the invitation to fall-fail...*                                                          §§§§§ 12:03AM  Frieday May 15th my deadline missed, but what is three minutes, but empty pride... Manhattan Island
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24
It seems like today I have little to say Nothing amusing or clever No biting retort Nor subtle bon mot Or an idea to use as a lever To open the crypt Of my bottom lip A relevant thought to deliver The very concept Makes me feel quite inept Yet also sets me aquiver No funny remark Providing a spark Which bursts into creative flame So while others may hark From lives shallow and stark Remember that this is no game.
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Jan 14, 2020
Jan 14, 2020 at 10:32 PM UTC
It Seems
* *We fall in love with people we can't have.* *
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Jan 4, 2020
Jan 4, 2020 at 12:03 PM UTC
Untitled
You know I love this, you do as well We all love the feeling of the dripping blood I know this feeling brings us closer to hell, But I cannot live through this emotion flood I need it to stay alive and sane. The feeling is good too, it’s bliss I love all the self inflicted pain I want more, everyday, without miss. You may think I’m out of line, I’m crazy But i know you love it too You are a ***** you’re lazy I deal with that **** everyday, and so do you. We need our emotion vents to let out the crud. Why not again use our own blood
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Dec 28, 2019
Dec 28, 2019 at 2:07 AM UTC
3. Again! Again!
For all my friends and family i know you are all feeling frustrated, helpless, and ready to give up. It’s not your fault. You are not the cause of our suffering. You may find that difficult to believe, since we may lash out at you, switch from being loving and kind to non-trusting and cruel on a dime, and we may even straight up blame you. But it’s not your fault. You deserve to understand more about this condition and what we wish we could say but may not be ready. It is possible that something that you said or did “triggered” us. A trigger is something that sets off in our minds a past traumatic event or causes us to have distressing thoughts. While you can attempt to be sensitive with the things you say and do, that’s not always possible, and it’s not always clear why something sets off a trigger. The mind is very complex. A certain song, sound, smell, or words can quickly fire off neurological connections that bring us back to a place where we didn’t feel safe , and we might respond in the now with a similar reaction (think of military persons who fight in combat — a simple backfiring of a car can send them into flashbacks. This is known as PTSD, and it happens to a lot of us, too.) But please know that at the very same time that we are pushing you away with our words or behavior, we also desperately hope that you will not leave us or abandon us in our time of despair and desperation. This extreme, black or white thinking and experience of totally opposite desires is known as a dialectic. Early on in our diagnosis and before really digging in deep with DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy), we don’t have the proper tools to tell you this or ask for your support in healthy ways. We may do very dramatic things, such as harming ourselves in some way (or threatening to do so), going to the hospital, or something similar. While these cries for help should be taken seriously, we understand that you may experience “burn out” from worrying about us and the repeated behavior. Please trust that, with professional help, and despite what you may have heard or come to believe, we CAN and DO get better. These episodes can get farther and fewer between, and we can experience long periods of stability and regulation of our emotions. Sometimes the best thing to do, if you can muster up the strength in all of your frustration and hurt, is to grab us, hug us, and tell us that you love us, care, and are not leaving. One of the symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder is an intense fear of being abandoned, and we therefore (often unconsciously) sometimes behave in extreme, frantic ways to avoid this from happening. Even our perception that abandonment is imminent can cause us to become frantic. Another thing that you may find confusing is our apparent inability to maintain relationships. We may jump from one friend to another, going from loving and idolizing them to despising them – deleting them from our cell phones and unfriending them on Facebook. We may avoid you, not answer calls, and decline invitations to be around you — and other times, all we want to do is be around you. This is called splitting, and it’s part of the disorder. Sometimes we take a preemptive strike by disowning people before they can reject or abandon us. We’re not saying it’s “right.” We can work through this destructive pattern and learn how to be healthier in the context of relationships. It just doesn’t come naturally to us. It will take time and a lot of effort. It’s difficult, after all, to relate to others properly when you don’t have a solid understanding of yourself and who you are, apart from everyone else around you. In Borderline Personality Disorder, many of us experience identity disturbance issues. We may take on the attributes of those around us, never really knowing who WE are.  You remember in high school those kids who went from liking rock music to pop to goth, all to fit in with a group – dressing like them, styling their hair like them, using the same mannerisms? It’s as if we haven’t outgrown that. Sometimes we even take on the mannerisms of other people (we are one way at work, another at home, another at church), which is part of how we’ve gotten our nickname of “chameleons.” Sure, people act differently at home and at work, but you might not recognize us by the way we behave at work versus at home. It’s that extreme. For some of us, we had childhoods during which, unfortunately, we had parents or caregivers who could quickly switch from loving and normal to abusive. We had to behave in ways that would please the caregiver at any given moment in order to stay safe and survive. We haven’t outgrown this. Because of all of this pain, we often experience feelings of emptiness. We can’t imagine how helpless you must feel to witness this. Perhaps you have tried so many things to ease the pain, but nothing has worked. Again – this is NOT your fault. The best thing we can do during these times is remind ourselves that “this too shall pass” and practice DBT skills – especially self-soothing – things that helps us to feel a little better despite the numbness. Boredom is often dangerous for us, as it can lead to the feelings of emptiness.  It’s smart for us to stay busy and distract ourselves when boredom starts to come on. On the other side of the coin, we may have outburst of anger that can be scary. It’s important that we stay safe and not hurt you or ourselves. This is just another manifestation of BPD. We are highly emotionally sensitive and have extreme difficulty regulating/modulating our emotions. Dr. Marsha Linehan, founder of DBT, likens us to 3rd degree emotional burn victims. Through Dialectical Behavior Therapy, we can learn how to regulate our emotions so that we do not become out of control.  We can learn how to stop sabotaging our lives and circumstances…and we can learn to behave in ways that are less hurtful and frightening to you. Another thing you may have noticed is that spaced out look on our faces. This is called dissociation. Our brains literally disconnect, and our thoughts go somewhere else, as our brains are trying to protect us from additional emotional trauma. We can learn grounding exercises and apply our skills to help during these episodes, and they may become less frequent as we get better. But, what about you? If you have decided to tap into your strength and stand by your loved one with BPD, you probably need support too.  Here are some ideas: Remind yourself that the person’s behavior isn’t your fault Tap into your compassion for the person’s suffering while understanding that their behavior is probably an intense reaction to that suffering Do things to take care of YOU. On the resources page of this blog, there is a wealth of information on books, workbooks, CDs, movies, etc. for you to understand this disorder and take care of yourself. Be sure to check it out! In addition to learning more about BPD and how to self-care around it, be sure to do things that you enjoy and that soothe you, such as getting out for a walk, seeing a funny movie, eating a good meal, taking a warm bath — whatever you like to do to care for yourself and feel comforted. Ask questions. There is a lot of misconception out there about BPD. Remember that your words, love, and support go a long way in helping your loved one to heal, even if the results are not immediately evident Not all of the situations I described apply to all people with Borderline Personality Disorder. One must only have 5 symptoms out of 9 to qualify for a diagnosis, and the combinations of those 5-9 are seemingly endless.  This post is just to give you an idea of the typical suffering and thoughts those of us with BPD have. This is my second year in DBT. A year ago, I could not have written this letter, but it represents much of what was in my heart but could not yet be realized or expressed. My hope is that you will gain new insight into your loved one’s condition and grow in compassion and understand for both your loved one AND yourself, as this is not an easy road. I can tell you, from personal experience, that working on this illness through DBT is worth the fight. Hope can be returned. A normal life can be had. You can see glimpses and more and more of who that person really is over time, if you don’t give up.  I wish you peace.
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Dec 26, 2019
Dec 26, 2019 at 12:30 AM UTC
My major disorder. B.P.D
For all my friends and family i know you are all feeling frustrated, helpless, and ready to give up. It’s not your fault. You are not the cause of our suffering. You may find that difficult to believe, since we may lash out at you, switch from being loving and kind to non-trusting and cruel on a dime, and we may even straight up blame you. But it’s not your fault. You deserve to understand more about this condition and what we wish we could say but may not be ready. It is possible that something that you said or did “triggered” us. A trigger is something that sets off in our minds a past traumatic event or causes us to have distressing thoughts. While you can attempt to be sensitive with the things you say and do, that’s not always possible, and it’s not always clear why something sets off a trigger. The mind is very complex. A certain song, sound, smell, or words can quickly fire off neurological connections that bring us back to a place where we didn’t feel safe , and we might respond in the now with a similar reaction (think of military persons who fight in combat — a simple backfiring of a car can send them into flashbacks. This is known as PTSD, and it happens to a lot of us, too.) But please know that at the very same time that we are pushing you away with our words or behavior, we also desperately hope that you will not leave us or abandon us in our time of despair and desperation. This extreme, black or white thinking and experience of totally opposite desires is known as a dialectic. Early on in our diagnosis and before really digging in deep with DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy), we don’t have the proper tools to tell you this or ask for your support in healthy ways. We may do very dramatic things, such as harming ourselves in some way (or threatening to do so), going to the hospital, or something similar. While these cries for help should be taken seriously, we understand that you may experience “burn out” from worrying about us and the repeated behavior. Please trust that, with professional help, and despite what you may have heard or come to believe, we CAN and DO get better. These episodes can get farther and fewer between, and we can experience long periods of stability and regulation of our emotions. Sometimes the best thing to do, if you can muster up the strength in all of your frustration and hurt, is to grab us, hug us, and tell us that you love us, care, and are not leaving. One of the symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder is an intense fear of being abandoned, and we therefore (often unconsciously) sometimes behave in extreme, frantic ways to avoid this from happening. Even our perception that abandonment is imminent can cause us to become frantic. Another thing that you may find confusing is our apparent inability to maintain relationships. We may jump from one friend to another, going from loving and idolizing them to despising them – deleting them from our cell phones and unfriending them on Facebook. We may avoid you, not answer calls, and decline invitations to be around you — and other times, all we want to do is be around you. This is called splitting, and it’s part of the disorder. Sometimes we take a preemptive strike by disowning people before they can reject or abandon us. We’re not saying it’s “right.” We can work through this destructive pattern and learn how to be healthier in the context of relationships. It just doesn’t come naturally to us. It will take time and a lot of effort. It’s difficult, after all, to relate to others properly when you don’t have a solid understanding of yourself and who you are, apart from everyone else around you. In Borderline Personality Disorder, many of us experience identity disturbance issues. We may take on the attributes of those around us, never really knowing who WE are.  You remember in high school those kids who went from liking rock music to pop to goth, all to fit in with a group – dressing like them, styling their hair like them, using the same mannerisms? It’s as if we haven’t outgrown that. Sometimes we even take on the mannerisms of other people (we are one way at work, another at home, another at church), which is part of how we’ve gotten our nickname of “chameleons.” Sure, people act differently at home and at work, but you might not recognize us by the way we behave at work versus at home. It’s that extreme. For some of us, we had childhoods during which, unfortunately, we had parents or caregivers who could quickly switch from loving and normal to abusive. We had to behave in ways that would please the caregiver at any given moment in order to stay safe and survive. We haven’t outgrown this. Because of all of this pain, we often experience feelings of emptiness. We can’t imagine how helpless you must feel to witness this. Perhaps you have tried so many things to ease the pain, but nothing has worked. Again – this is NOT your fault. The best thing we can do during these times is remind ourselves that “this too shall pass” and practice DBT skills – especially self-soothing – things that helps us to feel a little better despite the numbness. Boredom is often dangerous for us, as it can lead to the feelings of emptiness.  It’s smart for us to stay busy and distract ourselves when boredom starts to come on. On the other side of the coin, we may have outburst of anger that can be scary. It’s important that we stay safe and not hurt you or ourselves. This is just another manifestation of BPD. We are highly emotionally sensitive and have extreme difficulty regulating/modulating our emotions. Dr. Marsha Linehan, founder of DBT, likens us to 3rd degree emotional burn victims. Through Dialectical Behavior Therapy, we can learn how to regulate our emotions so that we do not become out of control.  We can learn how to stop sabotaging our lives and circumstances…and we can learn to behave in ways that are less hurtful and frightening to you. Another thing you may have noticed is that spaced out look on our faces. This is called dissociation. Our brains literally disconnect, and our thoughts go somewhere else, as our brains are trying to protect us from additional emotional trauma. We can learn grounding exercises and apply our skills to help during these episodes, and they may become less frequent as we get better. But, what about you? If you have decided to tap into your strength and stand by your loved one with BPD, you probably need support too.  Here are some ideas: Remind yourself that the person’s behavior isn’t your fault Tap into your compassion for the person’s suffering while understanding that their behavior is probably an intense reaction to that suffering Do things to take care of YOU. On the resources page of this blog, there is a wealth of information on books, workbooks, CDs, movies, etc. for you to understand this disorder and take care of yourself. Be sure to check it out! In addition to learning more about BPD and how to self-care around it, be sure to do things that you enjoy and that soothe you, such as getting out for a walk, seeing a funny movie, eating a good meal, taking a warm bath — whatever you like to do to care for yourself and feel comforted. Ask questions. There is a lot of misconception out there about BPD. Remember that your words, love, and support go a long way in helping your loved one to heal, even if the results are not immediately evident Not all of the situations I described apply to all people with Borderline Personality Disorder. One must only have 5 symptoms out of 9 to qualify for a diagnosis, and the combinations of those 5-9 are seemingly endless.  This post is just to give you an idea of the typical suffering and thoughts those of us with BPD have. This is my second year in DBT. A year ago, I could not have written this letter, but it represents much of what was in my heart but could not yet be realized or expressed. My hope is that you will gain new insight into your loved one’s condition and grow in compassion and understand for both your loved one AND yourself, as this is not an easy road. I can tell you, from personal experience, that working on this illness through DBT is worth the fight. Hope can be returned. A normal life can be had. You can see glimpses and more and more of who that person really is over time, if you don’t give up.  I wish you peace.
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It's a sad thing When January 15th means more to me Than my own birthday I guess I'll celebrate Anyways Happy birthday
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Dec 19, 2019
Dec 19, 2019 at 5:09 PM UTC
Happy Birthday