#couldnt
I couldn't tell you....
so I would lay in bed at night and dream that you were holding me, whispering endlessly in my ear about random nothings full of silent every things.
I couldn't tell you....
so I'd write about you, endlessly with meaningful rhythm.
making sure I get every thought in.... how you'd smile at me in the moonlight, trying to find words that expressed the way you'd laugh, or how your eyes would do that thing when you were confused.
I couldn't tell you....
so every time your name came up I felt an earth quake start to form in the middle of my chest. trying everything to disguise the pain that had rooted there from your absence.
I couldn't tell you....
so I let all these feelings take me over.... it wasn't supposed to be you, and I knew that. but what was I supposed to do? tell myself I was wrong?
so I did what any sane person would do....
locked away that aching pain to go out and pull you close, shoved the idea that you maybe feel the same so far down that it drowned in it's own hope eventually killing itself.
I couldn't tell you.... so I let it **** me.
Mar 5, 2025
Mar 5, 2025 at 10:23 PM UTC
The liberty of the eyes that couldn't see
The clarity of the ears that couldn't hear
And the mastery of the noisy lips that belonged to a mouth that couldn't speak.
Everything was worth nothing
And the nose, that could smell everything
Could never tell what it was smelling.
Feb 4, 2020
Feb 4, 2020 at 10:57 AM UTC
You wanted a girl
Unlike any other girl
When the time came to love her like she wasn't any other girl...
You ran away.
Jan 22, 2020
Jan 22, 2020 at 1:27 PM UTC
TO CRY is to release and recenter into love inside heart
TO LAUGH is to release and center inside the heart
To live in the heart everyday in every way is the BLESSING.
Feb 15, 2019
Feb 15, 2019 at 4:20 AM UTC
Man y'all **** me off
But I wouldn't trade any of this for any amount
And honestly sometimes I wish I would
Jan 15, 2019
Jan 15, 2019 at 7:50 PM UTC
the traffic in your mind must have been so busy lately,
i couldn't even cross it and still can't.
Jan 7, 2019
Jan 7, 2019 at 9:16 PM UTC
I tried
I told you that you were worth it
I didn't do enough
I should've ran to you like I said I would
I should have been there
But I wasn't
Instead I sat in my room and cried
I'm no better than any of the other ones
I have no reason
It should've been me
You're alive but you're not living anymore
It's my fault
I'm sorry
Nov 7, 2018
Nov 7, 2018 at 5:44 PM UTC
If I could only find a space in time to let you know what was on my mind
But I could only tell you what I couldn't find
I couldn't find the words to talk with
I couldn't find a way to not feel awkward
I said at the time I couldn't take any more of being morbid
But just couldn't find the strength to move forward
I couldn't feel the pain that I feel so
I couldn't believe that anything was real
I couldn't comprehend it all had to end and when I needed you the most
I just couldn't find my friend
I couldn't choose a life to take
I couldn't sleep so I stayed awake
I looked in this mirror
But this couldn't be fake
But this guy looking back
It couldn't be Jake
I couldn't detriate
An I couldn't even think what the hell I had done
I could think this was all just for fun
But I JUST COULDNT STOP
I couldn't keep it on the lowdown everything was on top
But if I hadn't met you
I couldn't of got what I got
But I couldn't cry
I couldn't laugh
I couldn't fight
I couldn't bath
I couldn't try another path
I couldn't ask
Because who on earth is there to ask !
Nov 4, 2018
Nov 4, 2018 at 10:58 PM UTC
I...
I dearly miss you
Not because loving you brings me to life
Not because you made me smile a little brighter
Not because I once thought we were meant to be
All these things made me desire your company
But I unspokenly wanted all your attention
If I had asked, would you have accepted?
Or would my greed and insecurities
have driven you away?
You knew my insecurities about
my appearance
my family
my past
You took me as I was
But I never found a common ground with you
Keeping me in the dark about you
Your attention
Your Patience
Your composure
seemed to all be a facade
I wouldn't notice thunderstorm in the background
Of course, I notice
I always wanted you to be truly happy
A happiness that might not involve me
Sadly with a smile, correct myself
Will most definitely won't involve me
if I catch a glimpse
please let me smile and cry
Let me drunkly sing to
Jeff Buckley's Hallelujah
Jun 14, 2018
Jun 14, 2018 at 9:18 PM UTC
This will be my first Christmas in eight years without you
And it's nearly brought me to my knees
I waited for you
I waited
The one thing you apparently can't do
*Everyone leaves
Everyone
EVERYONE LEAVES*
but . . .
I never thought it would be you.
This will always be our season
Even though
You Lied, Love
Dec 25, 2017
Dec 25, 2017 at 12:25 AM UTC
She wouldn't, couldn't give her name,
but they still took her in when she called.
I visited, adopted her,
though she must have been in her twenties.
We called her Monica. It seemed to fit.
She never spoke, sitting at her half opened window,
sampling a sliver of the fraught stree air.
I don't think she could take any more of the real world.
She stayed there safe in her dull, blue walled retreat,
an observer, lacking a ticket of entry.
And when darkness fell, and the curtains were closed,
the house lights went up on her secret, inner theatre.
May 1, 2017
May 1, 2017 at 2:01 PM UTC
Punched me in the guts
I know that I can't tell you it
You already know
Saying what ever is on your mind
Is saying what ever just whatever?
I showed you the part
Apart of me
A part of me
Part of me isn't going to be
Because what ever I can be
I will be
But what is a matter? I do not.
Punched me in the guts
I tried to say it
But you could not.
Nov 5, 2016
Nov 5, 2016 at 1:04 AM UTC
On All Poetry at her behest, I had created an account...
And this is one one of my poems which I had posted there...
How Are You,
My Love?
I Long For You,
Today, Every Day!
I Have Not
Met You Ever,
So I Long For You!
Soon We Will
Meet In Your City,
The Idea Captures Me!
May 21, 2016
May 21, 2016 at 2:19 PM UTC
It wasn't that I didn't want to go, it was that I couldn't.
Apr 8, 2016
Apr 8, 2016 at 12:48 AM UTC
They asked me if I wanted power
They asked me if I wanted money
They asked me if I could be happy
But I couldn't unless you still loved me
Feb 29, 2016
Feb 29, 2016 at 3:20 PM UTC
Okay my heart is empty and it is broken the blood is out of it completely I have been forgotten by everyone and it hurts me that I have no body at all.
Mar 6, 2015
Mar 6, 2015 at 5:33 PM UTC
it took me 365 days
to get over you
guess now I'm back to square one
Dec 31, 2014
Dec 31, 2014 at 7:30 AM UTC
*"everything is a copy
of a copy
of a copy
of a copy
of a copy"*
Aug 15, 2014
Aug 15, 2014 at 1:29 AM UTC
If only i had known the repercussions of your lies
painful drops toppling inside my mind and others eyes
If only i had known that i was being so naive
the arrow flew and there i stood convinced it was a bee
If only you had told me what you told me wasn't true
its very possible you did and did again but from my view
I couldn't feel a thing.
Aug 13, 2014
Aug 13, 2014 at 6:46 AM UTC