#0
sub-zero can be shivering like those
who Fear and tremor more at the glorified of the most glorious Allah.
7h ago
Jun 3, 2026 at 1:46 PM UTC
14 years and 3 months
he said to be careful of boys -
that they only wanted one thing, that they’d break me
*he said no one’d want me if I was ***** or broken*
my 15th birthday
he said I was beautiful, special, better than the family I’d come from
he asked to brush my hair (I said yes)
16 years
he said to be careful of boys -
that they only wanted one thing, that they’d break me
*he said no one’d want me if I was ***** or broken*
he said I should wait (I listened)
16 years and 1 week
he said I was beautiful, he said I was trouble
(he put down the brush)
16 years and 2 months
he said I was beautiful, he said I was trouble
he said to be careful of boys
*he said he’d not want me if I was ***** or broken*
16 years and 5 months
he said I was beautiful, he said I was trouble
he said people were talking
he said it was my fault (I believed him)
Apr 26
Apr 26, 2026 at 4:54 AM UTC
we were all chatter and woodsmoke,
white wine in the sun-
age is a number slid from his tongue (to mine) and
(my whole world was rewritten that summer)
(his) touches (our) kisses (my) skin
moved with a rhythm, and age was a number
simply that, and no more
(though my number was small)
we felt safe for a while, then hidden,
then trapped.
age is a number slid from my tongue to his skin,
(from his skin to my thighs)
slid between us like sweat
(like a mantra)
weaving saliva-salt spells
(his) touches (our) kisses (my) skin
moved with a rhythm, and age was a number
simply that, and no more
(though his number was great)
we felt safe for a while, then hidden,
then trapped.
(then we were gone)
Jul 18, 2020
Jul 18, 2020 at 1:51 PM UTC
reading back,
different
words
spring to mind -
for love, for touch. for secrets kept and body given.
but these words -
hidden
between worn lines adorned with romance, saturated with (thrill-seeking) *** -
they describe bad - when *** (with him) was good.
it wasn’t perfect - it was better.
better than being mauled by boys who couldn't think past their own hard-on.
better than drinking at night in the park.
better than being alone.
Mar 28
Mar 28, 2026 at 5:46 AM UTC
I wasn't broken. I was carefully unwoven, in a middle-class family home with beige carpet and central heating. He didn't ask. He was gentle. Kept me clean and didn’t let me touch. He said I was beautiful. He said I was trouble. The muffled sounds that came from his room after, convinced me.
I was healed in the greyed-fabric passenger seat of an old car; and against a rough, wet red-brick-wall in a pub carpark. He was beautiful. He paused to ask if I was sure. He said I was ******* amazing. With my thighs still slippy and him keeping-on looking over and grinning, I believed it.
Apr 23
Apr 23, 2026 at 4:59 AM UTC
He asked to brush my hair, I said yes. It made me feel weird - nice. He put down the brush. I didn’t say yes to anything else. The room was too warm and smelt of lemon-y steam when the dishwasher opened. Threads were coming away from the carpet in patches. Crimped, like they’d been wet-plaited and unwound the next morning.
Apr 19
Apr 19, 2026 at 9:14 AM UTC
I'd heard horror stories in the playground, seen embarrassment and tears.
Shared in secrets that were passed around like candy.
Not for me.
All the messing about and the working it out. I didn't want Bad *** by misadventure.
Like you said.
I waited. Not as long as the good girls, but longer than my mates.
You were worth it.
I was a bundle of nerve endings and inexperience but it was perfect, you were brilliant.
Just the thought of you sends shivers down my spine.
My best kept secret.
I wonder about you, at times. About your life, what you do, if you're happy or feeling blue.
Your children - would I know them in the street? I guess now they're all grown up.
Just like me.
Sep 18, 2012
Sep 18, 2012 at 11:27 AM UTC
telly’s on, just enough noise.
my head in your lap, relaxed as you
play with my hair.
safe. so safe with you.
explore thoughts, map dreams.
your children sleep sound upstairs.
warm hands on
chilled skin,
an invite to press
in, to face you, to turn, to
trace words with my tongue.
your finger-tips slip under
the band of my jeans,
give me permission to need.
telly’s on, just enough noise.
my head in your lap, confused as you
play with my hair.
safe? so safe with you?
probe thoughts, tap dreams.
your children sleep sound upstairs?
strong hands on
hot skin,
a demand to press
in? to taste you? to burn? to
raze words with my tongue?
wet fingers unfasten
the studs on my jeans
give you permission to take?
telly’s on, just enough noise.
my head in your lap, ashamed as you
play with my hair.
brave. so brave for you.
hide thoughts, snare dreams.
your children sleep sound upstairs.
heavy hands on
flushed skin,
an invite to press
in, to face you, to turn, to
erase words with my tongue.
careful fingers push, just
enough through my jeans,
give me permission to want.
over again.
Aug 16, 2020
Aug 16, 2020 at 12:02 PM UTC
(we made love, I think. affection
and attraction in equal parts)
stood in the kitchen. him - waiting
for the kettle. me - washing up
I remember the pressure of him -
hand cupping my ass-cheek
fingers pressing perfectly around
the seams of my jeans
an instinctive, rhythmic grind - a wave
I couldn’t stop if I tried
voices, footfalls. the space that formed
between us then - a quiet lie
that’s the memory that sticks, like the
tiny, star-shaped seeds
my girl friends threw around on the
playing field at lunchtime
Apr 2
Apr 2, 2026 at 12:03 PM UTC
Take me back to that place
Where dichotomies of
North or South
Right or Wrong
Become
Translucent
Ground Zero
Equilibrium.
Dec 30, 2020
Dec 30, 2020 at 4:57 PM UTC
Part II of "Got 0 Followers"
aim high
to keep
it low
expectations
such an
Awesome Awful
curse
others infect
you with
don't, yada yada,
ya wanna be like
Tom, **** and Jane,
even Harry, a transgendered
friend and fellow (ha) outcast,
all with a good job
prospects of a
goodly tented long life?
so ya write poems
to nobody
about nothing and
you are pleased
to be pleasing just yourself
in writing you have
nothing to prove,
so read them
like keepsakes
ya like,
keep 'em & me hid,
in the shoebox
under the closeted
pile of ***** clothes,
special designer outfits concocted
so they keep my remains,
privatized and unsanitized,
my equity,
hidden,
disguised as disgusting
but for god-sakes
don't follow me,
unless
you want to curse us
both with
Expectations of Expectations,
then comes with
illiteracy of
Affection
then the literary
pre-tension
that always follows,
leading to
Affectation,
the first derivative of the infection of affection
yeah,
then comes
caring
and it instantly it's too late,
you're *******
right up the mental heine,
lost condemned
ruined annihilated
crushed subverted
crushed into
mental death camp suffocation of more, please ma,
can I have some more?
crap, why did you have to go and follow me?
Mar 8, 2015
Mar 8, 2015 at 8:14 PM UTC
Got 0 followers, but one tongue, and that's perfectly ok...
cause I got
two eyes
two nostrils
two hands
two ears
two ventricles
they all
follow me
all riders
on the one tongue
that speaks my piece
that finds poetry
on ***** streets
in closed places
and in the
if's of our lives
that makes writing
in one common tongue
so **** desirable
Mar 1, 2015
Mar 1, 2015 at 9:06 AM UTC
I paint daisy chains
On sharp edges
Roses in my hollows
Starvation in full bloom
Is lovelier than death
So I'll throw bouquets
On my own casket
And dig shallow graves
In my tummy
Bury yesterdays love
Resurrect today's doubt
At least skeletons
Are not afraid to die
Mar 24, 2019
Mar 24, 2019 at 2:49 AM UTC
I’ve been waiting
For something
That I think
Will bring me joy
But I don’t know
What that something
Might be.
Jan 22, 2019
Jan 22, 2019 at 1:33 AM UTC
0 followers?
Dear New Poet:
Then I'm your man,
your very own
Northern star,
one leg up of a
3 legged stool,
upon which all,
we, enthroned poets,
the world-over,
do rule
the honor you
bequeath me
to be,
a first follower,
your very own
first responder,
it, cannot be
disdained
nor
diminished
this instance,
this birth,
a novice revival,
heart transplant,
makes it
the sweetest blessing
to be the first—
let us be
the quencher
of a desert thirst so long
in the parching,
the throat burning,
by a desert sojourning,
of a now ending
forty times
four hundred years
so come to me!
message me a message,
find me a find,
your poem fine,
so now we vow,
our embrace will
ne’er be broken
give me this
honorific!
let us together
be terrific,
raise our glasses,
with arms entwined
toasting you and
all that mind and
breasted chest of yours,
full bursting from
its future~contains,
of which,
its full release,
brings a fuller life
for us both
I am a father.
I am a grandfather.
I am a First Follower.
and a First Responder,
for all who needs a leg up,
so step upon my heart,
it be but a first step upon a
ladder with no top, no end ensighted
my legs are as old as time, but,
measure me not by the rings and
the metered scales of gray hair aging,
shock of white, a cain mark, wizard-wizened
but
by the muscles
of my deep affection,
the solemnity of this,
my irrevocable promise
this,
the blessing
we both make and earn,
when you write,
and while we wait,
in quiet attendance -
for all of your good works,
your kept promises
Blessed
are You Lord our God,
Ruler of the Universe
who has given us life,
sustained us until now,
***allowing, allying, and
alloying***
the treader of treacherous waters,
reader, writer, swimmer,
to reach, meet, embrace
and greet this day,
this new born poem,
with hallelujahs
whispering and shoutings
together,
as one
in one, of one,
one
Mar 29, 2018
Mar 29, 2018 at 1:11 PM UTC
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Apr 10, 2018
Apr 10, 2018 at 3:27 PM UTC
I wrote a poem for my biography to a special person about Adam, I thought you would like to read it.
Blue Heart
You were 18, so many years in front of you.
It felt like a dark eternity, you didn’t want to go.
I saw it in your sunken eyes.
The vacant stare and sad dark eyes.
I saw when you were sitting around the table prom night.
So much going around but you were too calm
too collected.
too inside your mind for us.
I knew that blank expression from experience
All too well.
You screamed for help
silent and loud
I reached for your hand
but you
f
e
l
l
You were poised and calm
Broken but full of love.
All I wanted to do was help you.
you were standing still when the world went on
and it did go on, it did, without you.
When you were standing there at the edge
I wondered about you, all in my head.
We were short lived, a friendship that was fast.
You came, changed me, then you left.
it came and went in a flash.
I knew when no one else could guess.
you put it all on me, didn’t you.
but I was not cross with you.
Heartbroken, yes
scared, yes
alone, yes
mad, no
Your color was blue
Blue heart, blue veins
Blue is the color of our planet
from far far away
we wore it proud it was all for you,
a blue solemn silence.
and the world spun fast and
all the people hurried fast, real fast
and no one ever smiled.
You weren’t all there, in that head of yours.
dark and empty
you were sad but you lived like you would die
tomorrow
tomorrow came too soon and it was up to you.
it was always up to you.
Meeting you was bitter
you put me through stress, anxiety and heartache
you put me through shame and shock
All I wanted was you by my side,
and you there was not.
Meeting you was sweet
you gave me smiles and laughs,
good music and thoughts
you gave me a feeling of friendship and care.
All I wanted was you by my side,
but you were not there.
You were poised and calm,
you rubbed off on me.
I was hyped and excited
you called me “ADHD”
You drove an old red beater with water bottles everywhere,
with **** in the glove compartment.
but you didn’t care.
Your drove with sunglasses and the FM radio loud.
You drove in silence, thinking no doubt.
You loved the sun but you would hike for the shade
when we were together you took me away.
I didn’t think, I didn’t have nerves.
We talked about the world
We talked about life
You had a life you thought you didn’t deserve.
Whoever planted that seed
had some **** nerve
you wrote like me but I wrote for myself
you wrote for us when there’d be nothing else.
I knew when no one else could guess.
you put it all on me, didn’t you.
but I was not mad.
Heartbroken, yes
scared, yes
alone, yes
mad, no
When you were gone
I read
and
I read
i wanted to know exactly when
you felt what you felt.
You called me your jav friend
you called me your angel
You are up there watching over me
I yelled and screamed
I couldn’t breathe.
I shut them out,
I cursed at you.
I hated you
I cried for you
I only see you in my head
Dreaming once and a while of your smile,
of your eyes
but they are never dark
they are never sad
they are never empty
The vacant stare is not there.
your hair is a giant mess
and I freeze that moment right there.
You said you were alone
you said it was a secret
you asked me about my darkest
and you told me all your secrets
I have never been in that much peace knowing I kept you there
It felt like moments when it was hours and you were gone too **** soon.
tomorrow came too fast and it was up to you.
it was always up to you.
Now I wear a band on my wrist
and pray for your peace
that is all I have left,
but you mean so much to me.
I hope you are happy,
I hope your journey has ended
and you found what you wanted
My heart was once broken
but soon if all this is true
it will be mended.
May 27, 2014
May 27, 2014 at 1:27 PM UTC