you've always been the type
to pull stitches rather than
throw punches
i've always cried
when you whispered but
stayed curiously sober
when you'd scream.
it was the end of the world,
we sinned so severely
your halo fell around your neck
became a noose, you became my
muse but the only poetry you
wanted to know was what
i could make in the dark with you
when i could forget myself.
without you, the weight of me
is unbearable
i only ever dream of you
in different shades of blue
and remember you as
the feeling of drowning
you left too soon
the loss of you grew in it's place
pale and inevitable
i realized i love that more.

And you know what's insane? Our method of beating time was setting the broken clock in my room to the time he got there, closing my black curtains tight, and then sitting in my bed, pretending everything had stopped. Pretending like the sun wasn't going down outside, like the world wasn't still moving around us. Acting like every clock in the world didn't exist, because my room was suddenly the only world in existence and there was nothing else. Because that moment is saved forever, in both our memories and the book of the universe, and that clock won't tick until he's back for me. That moment is going on forever in my room, time stopped until his return, and I want nothing else.

i parked my car just up the hill
from your  house  and it was
dark but  i  think  your  tv
was on (i wonder what
show you've decided
to smother yourself
in this summer)
and my fingers
were tingling
and i was
having
trouble
figuring
out how
my lungs
worked and
i   turned   my
engine  o f f  and
tried  to  walk  up
to your door, really,
i  did  but  then  i  saw
your  plants   o n    the
porch and  the  garden
in the yard that y o u
love so much and i
remembered  that
those things do
not belong to
m e,  t h e y
belong to
her. and
so do
you.
and as
much  as
i   want   to
hear your voice
(because even after
only  this  short  time
i t ' s  become fuzzy
in the back of my
mind and in my
dreams)  it   is
not   mine  to
w o r s h i p
anymore.

Late at night, when the sky's dark
Early in the morning, when the light's stark
I think about the things I've done
And they swell near to bursting

All the actions that I've taken
All the promises I'm breaking
Those are what sting me every time
They make me hate myself more

Every dumb **** that comes along
Sighing and moaning that I'm not wrong
I just want to throw them away
And dump myself out with the trash

'Cause that's what it is in the end
And I'm always measured by my every sin
So crush me, smash me, throw me away
And I'll sit here in silence, remorseful

Have you ever wanted a break from love.
A break from falling that little bit too far.
Have you ever wanted to break other hearts.
Mending your own shattered thoughts.
Or maybe I just want revenge.
Maybe I want to know what kind of monster you really are.
Maybe I want to know exactly how it feels to have somebody break right in front of you.
Or maybe I just want to feel something.

I want to ruin sweetness
to turn him into the animal I know lives inside
to temper anger with restraint and lust with true desire
a transformation from pet to wild beast
I want to rule his passion not his heart
I want to command him
with the heat of desire and pain of longing
I want him to relinquish control and give in
I need to teach him what it means to be greedy and lustful
he will submit and reap the rewards