do you have moments, where you can’t imagine a future?
you’re lying there, staring at the
same walls
same ceilings
same words
with nothing but the same feelings-
empty and pale,
like there’s no reason to go on,
when you can’t even do enough to fail.
the future is coming, but you don’t want to be in it,
can’t imagine yourself in it.
where you just want to stop.
everything.
and just sit there for a while.
maybe not death, as that’s too permanent,
but something close to it.
when you can feel the rope around your neck,
the razor on your wrist,
the way the pills taste.
you can imagine it, and you aren’t sure if it’s what you want,
or just the feelings you imagine it will give you

The poet lives two lives.
One on the outside,
And one in their mind.

When you look in their eyes
You could see an abyss.

If you looked long enough
You could sink into it.

But most people don’t see it.

Take the time to read the words, though,
And you would know for sure.

The poet lives in two different worlds.

The nights are mine
Nothing can change that
Peace, quiet and serenity
I’m alive, I can breathe
I can see clearly because
the darkness comes and the light fades.

The nights are mine,
And I never feel better
While you sleep, I live to the fullest
I smile, I laugh, I create, I learn
After a long day, I can finally relax.
Not be judged. Just be. Be me.

The nights are mine
Nobody owns me,
I’m by myself,
Running my own show,
Just letting my creativity flow,
And my intellect grow.

I may
be soft
but at least
I’m not
afraid
of my own
skin.

Hey there,  
the loneliness is here
It’s taking over my every breath
Till the point that I can’t breathe
No breathing in and out
Just existing
Living
While I’m choking on my last breath
Anytime it can stop
Anytime it can disappear
I can disappear
My heart can stop
Just like my soul already did
It stopped the moment you walked away
The second you left
The way it felt
It died
Just like the rest
Everything that’s beating in my chest
Nothing left
But loneliness
Loneliness survived
It just continues to climb
From top to toe, it fills my insides
The agenda is clear
To take over everything I am and everything I’ve been,
Wipe me away till loneliness is mine