Sometimes I just want to
**** myself, just so I can see
the world unravel itself,
to see all the people I love
get the news and lose feeling in their knees
and drop to the floor, or silently cry to themselves at lunch
or think about me whenever they hear or see a certain thing,
reminding themselves of an inside joke we once had.
To imagine those who disrespected,
took advantage
and carelessly stomped over our relationship like a hardwood floor--
as if I was ever stable enough to hold up the both of us--
let the merciless furry of regret scorch them and melt them from
the inside out, like acid on skin,
wishing that maybe they'd
shown how much they appreciated me,
instead of showing true to the prophecy:
You don't know what you have until it's gone.
Maybe I want this because I long to be the center of attention,
or maybe because I'm curious.
Or maybe because I just want the world to suffer.