i saw you outside
on my roof tonight
with your messy hair
and cigarette glowing
between your fingertips and
you wouldn’t leave but
you wouldn’t come in
and i kept staring as you
blew puffs of smoke
with your back against my
bedroom window and
i wanted to get up and crawl
outside and sit behind
you and draw pictures on
your back of all the things
i didn’t know how to say but
my blankets felt like lead
so i whispered to my pillow how
much i love you and then
the sun began to rise
and you looked back at me
with ashes beneath your
eyes and i told my pillow
i wish you’d stay
but you didn’t you
never do

My friend, My friend, Insomniac,
You're ******* crazy.
You asked me to stay up late again,
like every other visit.
We smoked and smoked, We kept sleep at bay,
Held it off with caffeine,
but tempted it with liquor,
and you awoke me in single digits, low ones,
and wanted me to hear that song.
As much as I care for you, I realized something that night...
I'm no insomniac! Just a pedestrian, a faker!
Honestly believing that the sleep deprivation and
Not the drugs, not the alcohol, or the company,
Were actually killing me in the morning hours,
and, mumbling incoherently, I could not appreciate
The thing you wanted me to hear or see.
It might have been both.
So, yeah.
Sorry about that.
You're the best in my book and always will be.
Thanks for some great nights.

I sense those cunning eyes,
hidden beneath a mask of lies.
I shudder at your menacing grin,'
that outwardly covers your sin.
A sin you claim to have forgotten,
has resurfaced and made every memory rotten
O, tell me my merciless friend,
whom does your conscience defend?
You, who were supposedly smart,
does your soul not confront your heart?
How could you wrench out my heart
when our relationship was about to start?
You are like every other bloke,
you've treated my feelings like a joke
Did my thought not cross your mind,
did your better sense turn blind?
What did you fall for? her looks? her charms?
What were you thinking, when you took her in your arms?
Did you not realize you were breaking my trust,
with your momentary lapse of lust?
when you took off your shirt?
Did you realize I would be hurt,
Do you believe in karma? I know I do,
and I'm sure someday it will get you.
You have ripped out my heart, with your claws,
You have chewed my between your jaws,
you have crushed me beneath your paws,
With your act of deceit,
You heartless cheat,
You have won, I've lost, I face defeat.

I awoke
at the crack
of dawn

to a blood red sun
-a bullet hole
in a faded work shirt

with a creak in my bones
a quick kiss and a groan

I thanked her
and slipped out
the back door

before her old man
came home.

r ~ 8/30/14

The funny thing is that I can forget about you for months on end
But on a random night when my blankets are pulled up high and the blinds are pulled back
And my alarm is set for 6 AM, when I used to get your good morning texts,
that’s when you sneak back into my head
With your warm lips and your silly laugh
And your sweet pet names and your wandering hands
Back into my dreams, petting me across the cheek and through my hair,
But lately in my dreams
You’ve started to look at me with such hatred
That I have a hard time believing it’s a dream at all.

(p.h.) (j.r.)