When did I detach myself from the current of reality,
eternally fused to the nothingness that awaits us?
To become a slave of dreams and machinations.

When did I become another heartbeat,
longing for fantasies of love,
only to find the anguish that comes from human desire.
Knowing that we are powerless to our fascinations.

How many days go by, as we long to be remembered?
For art, for name, for doing, for living
only to reach the same end of obscurity.

They call me a deconstructionist, a detester of life.
But are we not worthlessly tied to this current of life?
We are born with no concepts, no meaning, an echo of what is to come.
& that same echo escapes us in the end.

Saw it all,
One last time...
Slowly, pressed "DELETE"
Swore to myself,
This mistake shall not repeat.

But I know, you know
I was bluffing.

It happened again.
I saw it all one more time,
One last time.
But this time, my hands don't tremble
I press not slowly, but swiftly "DELETE"
And I know, for sure,
It won't repeat.

Is life a course
or a curse,
a path
or a pathology?
Is living a blessing
or a lessening,
a miracle
or a mirage?
Is it a kiss
or a miss,
a tender touch
or simply a come-on?
The opposite of love
is not hate,
but uncaring,
simply not feeling.
Are all illnesses
psychosomatic,
a disguised, silent way
that we take out
our unconscious anger
against ourselves?
Love both clarifies
and resolves these ambiguities,
seeking always the better
over the worse.
Life can mean love,
but too often
means meanness.

TOD HOWARD HAWKS

love is like a roller coaster it takes you for ride
up and down emotions go swaying side to side

leads you down a track going very fast
never ending circles quickly going past

up and down it goes moving too and fro
when your ride will end you really just dont know

when you get depression your mind goes in a whirl
you roll up in a ball and in a corner curl
everything is black the lights have all gone out
happiness has gone left your mind in doubt.

you dont know what to do.  your left in despair
and you need somebody but nobody is there
but you still have will waiting there inside
to turn it all  around and get back your pride.

make you smile again like it used to be
to take it all away and be depression free

There were days
I remembered
To put my heart on my sleeve.

The other days
I hid it
So deep inside my body
I couldn’t find it for myself.

The terror of anyone finding
Me judging me
Seemed to linger in the air
I inhaled.

Life began well nourished after breaking the fertile ground
Patriots shouldered their rifles in crisp salutation
Soldiers joyously gathered around , Marching bands played-
musical testimonials , the sound carried throughout-
every town
The Apple Tree was Liberty
She grew strong an bore the fruit of Freedom
The citizens selfishly gorged on every bountiful harvest
Day upon day , Year after year till one day when-
the spoils of government could not be reached ...
Her bounty died on the vine , rotted then fell to the earth
In a fit of megalomania, bureaucratic fertilizer exalted her to reach the Heavens but she was so denied ..
Aloof and deaf to the clamor and pain of her citizens
In her dying day she lay felled by the keepers sworn to-                  
her defense , now a page in history on the wrongs of nationalistic -government , the "Star of the Grove" with all her promise and good intent came and went with a painful end ...

test me
my waters have remained constant
rippling, reaching
as far as the eye can see
into the horizon; the water surrounds me
my knowledge is useless
when drowning in these waters;
i can only flail desperately
as my movements create ripples
out into the open sea
all these efforts
all in vain
all in my vein
blood rushing out
like the sea, light then heavy
then strong
like the sea, with a strong smell of salt
this time, the waters are red
and they reek of iron

test my waters
they’ve been stained crimson
with my lifeline