Another year gone by,
Atleast for 7 months the debate about who is older will not be heard.
Ohh boy!
An I so glad.
Its just silly to be wishing you a happy birthday,
But whatever,  you deserve it.

Wishing I could spoil your day so badly.
But luckily I ain't around.
Little-Old "bro" God has sustained you.
Wishing you a long life
And heaven at last.
May the good Lord guide and bless you.
Reminding you that every day leads to you being a man.
May you live to see your children's children.
(And also mine too).

A blissful and a happy birthday to you
With lots of love and care.

So much shame.
I cannot Explain.
Walking down the streets of Johannesburg.
Hiding my face from the street lights.
My face is so terrifying.
Tears pouring down my eyes.
I cannot believe the disgrace I have just encountered.

My dear brother.
Right in the face of my Pastor,
A few witnesses.
And maybe some I love dearly.
Such bullets of anger I saw you shooting out.
After bragging about you with confidence
And saying "My brother is super awesome"

And there you are showing your babaric awesomeness.
Something I have never seen in my life time.
What happened to your cool and kindness.
That gentle guy I always talked about.
Today yu were just a monster,
And a good one at it,
That's one thing for sure.

What has this alcohol done to you.
Or maybe that **** that makes u flow in another dimension.
I really had a reason to believe something was wrong with you.
But from what I saw from the eyes of the people that walked besides me.
You just a threw a brick at me.

You were the only best thing I could ever talk of.
At least for a moment up until now.
I had to defend,
Yet not knowing the reason why.

Is it really shame or anger.
I still don't know.
But breaks my heart to still think of this and I find it hard for me to even push it aside.
What happened to me being your 'Ntwana'.
That today you decided to throw a boom at me.

I wasn't me not today.
I guess all my fears came chasing.
All that I thought I would never have to face again.
The fear of being let down,
Disappointed.
The fear of having to wait for someone to come
And they never show up.

I was hoping for a change in the chapter of my life.
Hopefully it would clear all the doubts I have been having.
You were that spark of hope for a moment,
And when things changed.
I was so disappointed.

I know I had no reason to be angry
I failed to compromise.
And mostly appreciate your values.
Guess at that moment I felt unappreciated.

I don't know what much more to say.
But I deeply apologise.
Not because its a must but because I know I should.
I was just selfish.
And unearthly to be so arrogant.
I surely know that I could have behaved a little better,
But I didn't.

I made this dish with love.
Dedicating my time from my favourite show.
Slicing every piece of that onion carefully into same sizes,
Fighting back the tears that it kept threatening me with,
I made this special dish just for you.
A special Sunday evening meal to make you smile.

But there you through out the entire feast,
Complaining about my choice from the menu.
Nearly losing my appetite I just pretended I couldn't hear.
It would have been nice to know how well my dish was,
But instead all I hear is you mummering about your toothache.

What about a little thank you,
A "hmmm" of some sort.
Now its how much ur tummy aches after eating my food.
I just can't stand it anymore.
What about my effort?
What about my feelings?

I cried myself to sleep last night.
I wished you could be there,
To hold me close to you and whisper its okay.
It was one scary and unusual lala by.
But am glad I did not see its end.

I cried myself to sleep last night because I kept feeling I had lost you.
But today under the clouded afternoon.
I realise that,
The droplets of my tears melted your heart in your sleep,
And probably planted a short dream about me.
Because today you seem to have remembered me.

If you were human you'd know my needs.
If you were indeed a relative you'd want to see me succeeded.
If you were family you'd have congratulated me for the little I have achieved.

But since you think that you are not human.
And you never act like you are a relative
And you show no interest in family.

But since that you are driven by money,
You just don't care.
You are only a pure hypocrite in the site of those who don't know you.
You have gained yourself the the ability to separate family.
Only because they say "Money is power".
You have found yourself the strength to remain as the only successful soul.

Today I sit back and realise how much you just don't care.
You forgot about your family.
You forgot about us.
You have forgotten about those days we lived across each other and I watched you suffer.

I just won't enclose your name,
I'll only enclose my pain.
And I believe that by the time you read this,
I'll be 100 times better than I am today.
And you will be the one to bow at my table.

I know God will make a way,
For He is no man,
He never goes drunk.
He honours His word than His name.
And I will still put all my trust and confidence in Him.

Yet at the present moment you celebrate.
Seeing me in stagnation
And toiling just to survive.
Continue playing by the rules of wealth and riches.
And one day you will eventually see yourself sinking in poverty.

It is said " Inyembhezi zemizuzu aziweli phansi"
'Tears of a minute do not fall to the ground'
And those are short tears I'll release every night before I fall asleep