Let me fathom my fear into words.
I'm scared I'll always be alone
because I still haven't met someone
who simply gives a ****.

and I said to myself, "you're going to be
alone now."
and that it would be fine.
but i've lost all meaning of fine
and if you look into my heart
you'd cry.
as that is where I lock my pain.
and if you dare, look deeper and you will find,
the scars that hide in the darkest of times.

I was a thousands of kilometers away from you,
And too many feet above you for you to even sense
my presence.
And now I'm a few kilometers closer to you,
And too little feet from you that you can reach up and grab me.

I'm seated next to a strange man, minding his own business
Yet, all I can think about are his curious fingers lingering over the partition and dancing on my thighs,
Retracing your steps,
Completing your task.

Tears conceived in my eye ducts by my pain and fear
urge to be birthed from my eyes at my happiest or
calmest moments.

Sometimes I want to see you slowly and accurately tortured,
Every slice, stab, hit, pull, push, and burn calculated
Then again,
I'm a forgiving person and I don't want to be the one to leave your sister brotherless, and your parents with the burden of having to bury their child.

I hate the fact that you made me so afraid,
I hate the fact that I feel so silenced
I hate the fact that justice couldn't be served
I hate the fact that you could be committing worse crimes unto other girls
I hate the fact that I need to cry right now

But most of all,

I hate the fact that you showed me how alone I am
and that a terrible person like you is the only person present.

there are people who inhale religion and exhale hate
what happened to the lungs of humans?
i breathe so much life in and so much love out
as it is possible for my small lung

i can’t cry anymore
it’s like there’s no more fluid in my body
i miss it though
feeling the tears streaming down my cheeks
and showing people how i really feel
but now they don’t have a clue
cause i can’t show them

*(s.m)

Early last night I took sleeping pills
Not because I couldn't sleep
But I didn't want to be up all night thinking about you
It was Christmas Eve and I wanted to be okay if I couldn't be happy
Thoughts of you make me sad

Even with the dizziness that sleeping pills brought,
my drowsy body, and my mental delay
I woke up in the middle of the night
because I thought I heard my phone vibrate
I thought you texted me
But I was wrong

Early last night I took sleeping pills
Not because I couldn't sleep
But because I didn't want to be up all night thinking about you