I remember my hopes and dreams being relentlessly ripped out of my heart.
Shreds of unrequited desires polluting the atmosphere around me.

When love found me the first time,
I could've never fathomed the amount of agony that would wreak havoc on my already fragile existence.

Consequently receiving an unforgivable understanding of the relationship of pleasure and misery.
Now when I commit myself to another I surrender to vulnerability.

Though there was never a choice, I submit myself to you,
knowing fully well the potential torment you could cause us both.

Equally well-versed in both the magic and the pain.
If ever the day comes when we say goodbye, I'll look back without regret and smile because I knew all along you were worth it to me.

With Heavy Eyes
I write this.

The familiarity of the chapel
comes to me in a wave of emotion.
It's as if a warm blanket has wrapped itself around me.
Clinging to the hope that someday it may be free.
The sun is shining. The birds are singing.
The ocean waves hit. I hear my heart beating.
I feel the warmth from the hug I embraced.
I see the joy on her young, happy face.
I look around at all the things taking place.
A child on their knees. A teacher teaching please.
A question being answered.
I sit at the piano and the memories flood in.
The sun is suddenly dark and hidden.
I am safe. I am comforted.
I am one, but also contorted.

Because I walk behind the building
only to find a cold blanket.
The ice lying in the room
Seems as if a hail storm came through.
I cannot comprehend. I cannot deny hope.
However, I cannot shake the feeling
I'm needing to cope.
Life does not stay in one place forever.
No matter how much we hope, we can't all stay together.
I dwell in my happy place till my one final sigh.
I know that this isn't my one last goodbye.
Breathing in the familiar smell once again,
My home for 13 years will always be my friend.
This little infinity will always live on
in the hearts that it touched as we all move on.
this little infinity is still left to be uncovered
by the little ones hearts who have yet to discover.

the eternity
winks back at us
from the depthless
balcony view
we stand here
holding hands
hoping
we can be new

my purse is full
of ten billion dinar notes
Tesla's face
crinkled and old
not enough to buy
a cinema ticket
just enough
to fight off the cold

the expanse of days
stretches before us
memories yapping
at our heels
do we still have it in us
to make new reels?