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Nikolai Pabst Jul 2017
It's hard every night
I crave for you while I cry
The little world we once had
A bubble where you and I exist
Where the word us defines a team
The adventures we went through
Happened inside that bubble
I became capable of going out and all
But now I'm not anymore able
The bubble we had together bursted
The little world we had disappeared
People came as I knew your secrets
One by one I accepted them all
Just to hear you say I love you once more

A second turns into minutes
As minutes turns into hours
As hours turns into days
As months passed by

Everything went cold
Day by day we get old
And I am left to froze
While I wait for you
To give me a rose

x
Nikolai Pabst Jul 2017
I saw you two nights ago with your new guitar from a far
I know we ended things a month before yesterday

I'm okay incase you are wondering
I saw you looking at her and it was starting again
I managed to contain by thinking you're not mine anymore

A year ago we went swimming
Just because I was sulking
You thought I needed some sun
It was a lot of fun

Now I haven't went anywhere but gigs
trying to forget things

Two years ago, we were together
Celebrating Hallow's Eve
In a sketchy place on a rainy weather

Me, you and your telecaster
walking along the stretch of that street
where we saw a fire exit
on a sunny morning
after having some breakfast

Two nights ago, I saw you walk away
with your guitar and everything we had
The night I never thought I'd see you, my love.
Nikolai Pabst Jul 2017
I believe for some reasons we are trapped in our own emotions. It’s easy to say “Have fun, get out and just do it”. It takes a lot of guts to do a thing; Specially, when you have been under the weather for so long, you already forgot who you were before the storm came. Sometimes the storm becomes a drizzle and a little bit of sun goes in the way but it’s still there.

When was the time you remember you have seen the sun shine brightly and you felt its warmth deeply enough for you to shine your way out?

We've had those moments, but storms do come back. And when they come around, we would already know how to navigate the boat we've been on for who knows how long, filled with our dreams and aspirations over the rough seas on a stormy weather; and there will be sun after every storm we go through.

I’d like to say, hold on; you’ll get out of it and eventually find an island where it’s always sunny. You might even find someone on that island who you will call your sunshine. A person who had been sailing through a storm just like you and as the saying goes, no man is an island; that in an uncanny place for there are so many islands yet you’ve met each other.
Nikolai Pabst Jan 2017
Wearing your sweatshirt on a cold night.
I might love this so much.
I actually do..  adore you cooking pancakes.
As much as I adore your lips around me babe.
Maple syrup, able to devour you inch by inch.
You ease my itch with every touch.
I will miss it so much.
I wept as my inner demons talked to me.
Shaking and losing everything all at once.
You never left, my heart rejoiced.
Touched your beard as you heard me voiced, I love you.
Oh, you.. the face you made when i told you.
You deserve so much, too sweet and you deserve all.
I hope I am that much for you to not ask for more.
My sunrise at three in the morning.
My baked macaroni this early morning.
My happiness and everything.

x
The father of my cats
Nikolai Pabst Jan 2017
I kissed my demon’s on New Year’s Eve. Turns out, i am honest more than what i think. Also came to a realisation, I am better intoxicated. One day i’ll learn to be more upfront without having a drink perhaps. I hope that day is today.

Cheers to you my friend. Let’s make good memories as what i always said. To your siblings the past years, I will make you worth it.

‘Tis the year i promised myself to regain what is lost. Another start and will learn from the shadows of the past.
Nikolai Pabst Jan 2017
Summer has gone by
Another lover had passed by
Winter is coming indeed

Aren't I supposed to have fun
Go on dates, kiss a lot of guys
Instead of bottle of wines

But no, I am here writing
Keeping them alive
with every stroke of my pen

As if they..
They didn't killed me
by one slash of what they say
Nikolai Pabst Jan 2017
You can't let go of what makes you sad because it once made you feel so delighted. You can't and you won't ever try to move on in the first place because you still believe that things might change and it will make you giddy all over again. But as the time goes by, as you go through the process of detaching oneself from that person which is a very disturbing phase of moving on.

You are reminded of all the delightful memories that you had with them but at the same time those memories becomes morbid to even comprehend. You are reminded as well that what you thought was making you joyous, was never the right thing. It comes as whispers from your conscious mind telling you that the memories you valued most was wrong and everything was a lie.

A somewhat alternative reality composed of cobweb of lies. Made to somewhat manipulate you into thinking that they are really interested in you. You kept insisting that there might be things that are real.

You are in denial that at some point the things you thought aren't lies. It felt dreamy and felt like it's real but you were just dreaming while your eyes are open.

Now you're aware that what you feel is the process of detaching oneself to the person who you love so dearly but didn't loved you back.
21st day of March year 2016
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