I know what you'd all like to say
      To make me feel better
"Beauty is on the inside"
            Or
       "You are beautiful"
But my soul is so tattered
       And my heart
Has been repeatedly
             shattered
All the scattered
      bits and pieces
   You might find in there
          Between the scars and creases
     Would make you all run and hide
               If beauty shines from the inside,       Then I'm the **ugliest beast alive

a gas pedal pressed all
the way to the floor
passing all of the lights & not feeling
your heartbeat in the flicker
a quick approaching bend
(& i'm so sorry but)
how i wouldn't slowdown
the split second where time freezes
& my life flashes before my eyes
seeing a worn out repeat of
you walking away
my name rolling off your tongue
one last time
so i can hear it fade out
pinpointing the moment
i completely lost myself
chasing you but
running in place
while time speeds back up
praying in the debris
that there's a parallel universe
where you stayed
these permanent footprints
facing away from me
that show up in the pavement
wherever i go now
every single night
you were in love with me
& the accompanying bottle
the haunting resemblance of
your promises to me
in poems about him
how i've got nothing else to bet on
because you were my all in
this fire you've started
in a forest that was never yours
how much time we would have had
if we measured it in the moments
i loved you the hardest
my apology for
missing you this much  
even though you're still here

I heard you broke the cassino
I heard you made them pay
I'm sure that many
Lost their jobs that day

Now I hear you are flying
In your brand new Lear jet
Somewhere to the south of France
Hoping to make the set

"So how's my little girl now
Do you still remember me
Or am I now just your
Distant . . . memory"

We grew up with all of nothing
That you could ever want to buy
But on nothing' sake
We did give it a try

Now you've hit the big time
I hope you never fall
Your pedastal rising upward
Ever . . . so tall

"So how's my little girl tonight
Do you sometimes still remember me
You gave me your locket
I gave you my key

Do  you ever . . . remember me"

I feel a shiver run through me
As her fingers touch my neck
And she bites my lip
While she tells me she loves me

I could sprout wings and fly
Every time she speaks my name
Her enticing words rolling off her tongue
And composing a symphony in my ears

When she walks,
I'm fascinated with how she sways her hips
And how she turns back to look at me and licks her lips
And my heart starts beating in anticipation

Her skin is soft,
Like I'm running my rough hands across flower petals
And when I kiss her neck,
I hear her breathe in gold and exhale diamonds
While she pulls my hair
Just the way I like it

There's no place I'd rather be

meet me in the hazy
smoke filled room.
hold my hand
and guide me to the exit.
i'd much rather fill my lungs
with you instead.

11am

today i was sluggish

I ran a 6:45 mile

Beat my mile time

Benched 235

New max on bench

Almost have an eight pack

And somewhat feel unhappy

I've adjusted

My body is a temple

That society and culture busted

Warped by mocking of blemishes and dimples

Six pack well built

I fall in that circle

Mal nourished till I tilt

Collapses when i turn purple

Guided by past achievements

Visions of success

To forget what belief meant

Gain mass the more you digest

Calories, Carbs, and proteins

Vitamins, liquid, and BCAA's

Work hard

Workout harder

Appreciate where you were like other would if they are you

We are all victims turned into the very perpetrator we rejected

Look in the mirror

Change or accept

Fight or conform

Satisfy pleasure or  live in comfort

To be honest

I haven't felt a reason to be happy

I appreciate when times are good

But I'm still not happy

And i refuse to ruin someone's day

Or hid my emptiness behind a smile

And until I find what I am looking for

Tomorrow at 9am

I'll be at the gym

For you to notice me

If you only knew

I mainly want to talk, but my human side lets off.
Images of my rough hands around your soft waist to let our souls mix and seep when our eyes meet.

To sweet delight of soft serve with every curve I follow

I only want to talk

Exchange another note of human emotions and social interactions

See we lack the capacity to physically understand

And leading you off isn't in my objective
I just get stiff with kisses on your neck
I can almost feel your hands on my back
Your legs tighten around my thighs

Endorphins rush when your back  curves and your chest touches mine
Temperatures rise, I can see all the signs

I still want to talk
Your interests interest me
Lets take a walk
If we stand still I'll examine your body
My heart will go lively
With electronic  sparks
I only want to talk
But when you laugh I get this shiver
A cold quivering
That you wouldn't notice

In an instance we are on the grass with a breeze blowing your hair
And I'm grabbing your ***
I don't want to move too fast
You then reach for me
A heavenly breath runs across my neck
I almost turn wild
A stone to the ocean
Oh how opposites attract

I just want to talk
However clever I might be how has your day been
Lets get deeper mentally
I'll exchange ****** innuendos lets see if you notice

I'm just a man in not trying to be a pervert
Then you smile and it takes awhile to adjust

My imagination turns rough
I envision us at a picnic a diamond in the rough
Shoes off and your happy
So I am too
You make to first move

Now I am excited and don't know what to do
You look at me
The eye contact  from green to brown
We stare then our lips touch
Our eyes close to love the moment
As these can't be seen
Emotions run rampant
And I suckle on your teet

But I just want to talk