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The best love story is the one between the chain smoker and the asthmatic.
For if he hadn't changed for her, She'd have died for him.
Their Love ran through their veins.
So they saw past each others skin.
And it was seemingly fantastic
the love story
between the Chain Smoker and the Asthmatic.
She was perfect in his hazy eyes
And She Loved Him like crazy.
This left them only partially sane.
As their burning love ran through their veins.
He loved her to Death.
And so she loved him back to life
Their Love still flowed through their veins even after they used a knife.
All they bled was their blood.
And soon were both embalmed with only Love.
They killed each other softly but died swiftly
One went Below
And one above.
Not one smoke or earthly temptation.
Not even Death's dreadful separation
Could **** their undying love.

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
I was hoping there was an alternative universe
where "I Love You" is good enough.
But I've already seen the entire solar system in the round bones of your spine.
the ride through space is tough, You and I could lay down and enjoy a glass of whine. You don't need to share feelings.
I'll just lay awake at night telling love stories to the ceilings.
wishing there was an alternative universe where promises had meaning.
And I'm leaning against the false hope that I could be an astronaut
and discover a loving alien who's everything you're not.
And we could live Happily on our own star.
Where I'd lay awake wishing he was less of what you aren't and more of what you are.
I love you for you and there's nothing that I'd change
I still love you with a smile, I still love you full of rage.
I thought, Maybe in an alternative universe
We could rehearse my dreams without a stage.
But this isn't a play.
there are galaxies  in your eyes
And there's nothing I can do or say
absolutely nothing, I just can't make you stay.
You really are a great actor, one of the great few
I mean there for a second, You had me believing you

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
With you I'm a little careless
Without actually having to 'care less'  
Because I've never cared more
About anyone, or anything.

Take me under your wing.
I want to be cared for
But by you, and only you.
I won't make you make up for
Past lack of care.
I can't ask that of you.
It wouldn't be fair.
All that matters is,
I know you'll always be there  
And I've never had a security blanket like that.
My quilts have always been built with

"good intentions"
The same thing by which the road to Hell is paved.
I never thought I'd have a hero.
Never thought id ever be saved.
So thank you.
And thank God for sending you my way
Now let me tie you to an anchor
Just to make sure you stay.
I was warned of the drugs slipped in drinks, but never of the ones that smile and wink, that tell me sweet lies to make me think I may not die lonely.
If only it had been a drug from a bottle.
I was told to take things s l o w instead I went full throttle.
I knew I would wreck this.
I swallowed a new pill down with my breakfast.
It's not as good as the last, but I couldn't find a single trace of you in the wreckage.
I know you're my past. And I have to look forward.
I'm just unsure what I'm headed towards.
And I'll confess that I'm scared.
The moments we shared together were the only ones I didn't fear.
But no more lie ahead, you've made that quite clear.
I just don't understand why I'm still here.

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
The loudest thing I've heard is silence .

And Weakness is the strongest thing I've felt.

the only person to touch my heart had burning finger tips and made it


My best kiss wasn't on the lips but the forehead.

It wasn't seducing but romantic instead.

I know My world's a little backwards.

I know only, what I'm running away from.

And not what I'm running towards.

Maybe we'll meet there in a backwards little place.

then I can finally tell you face to face.

And say what I need to say.

But for now this will have to do.

This is it.


I'm still In love with you

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
Where were you when I needed you?
I did more than ask you to stay, I pleaded you to.

All you were was another broken promise.
But to be honest, followed by you leaving was a certain calmness.
Because telling you I loved you, felt  like choking on *****.

I told you anyway,
Because I just wanted you to stay.
But all those White Lies, bleached my insides.
It spread in strides, and when it reached my lungs
It stung, I call out for help, And nobody comes.

Do you know what It's like to drown in bleach?
While watching everyone around you breathe?

© copyrighted *Nicole Ann Osborn
Maybe, you didn't want to raise me in poverty.
But, sitting around waiting to win the lottery is not my idea of trying.
I know it's hard to understand when you're to busy crying.
What did I do that was so wrong?
I wanted to cry, but had to be strong.
And I hope one day it hits you, that I will never forgive you.
I guess you just don't know how much it hurt.
Pants always to big, and to small were my shirts.
Hair unwashed, face covered in dirt.
You didn't even care just lied said you were unaware. you said you had no clue of what he continued to do.
And you, you stayed his slave.
But not I, I was brave.
© copyrighted *Nicole Ann Osborn
You had me hooked,
When you asked to cook for me.
But you seasoned my food  with poison ivy.

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
He smiles like sunshine. And I smile that he's mine. And I'm happy. Finally..I'm a ray of sunshine and he's a ray of sunshine but there's no rain clouds. And maybe I'm still deaf from when the thunder roared loud. And now...there's no warmth only heat. ******* HEAT And I don't know if you'll understand this statement but no matter how perfect your pavement there's still blood on the concrete..somewhere. but there's those of us who stare right through it and walk past like it's not there but we leave red footprints everywhere. And you were a rain cloud that followed me like depression. And I guess you finally taught me my lesson it takes more than sunshine to make the flowers grow. They need the rain and the skies of gray. And all these bright smiles can take a flower and force it to wither away. But somehow the weeds have grown. I need the rain to fall on me. So I don't have to cry Alone.  

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
A robin pecks at the ground.

An Earth Worm mistakes it for rain.

I look on sadly, feeling the poor worm's pain.

he wiggles out of the ground towards his grave.

If there was a way to save

the poor little worm; I would.

The tears are coming, I'm about to cave.

For it isn't fair You came like rain.

But you chewed me up and spit me out.

Filled my hollow mind with doubt.

I shout out to the void.

But I think nothingness is getting annoyed, You know?

The Robin fly's off with the Earth Worm.

It was such a Lovely show.

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
When we were kids, I'd leave my window open,

So you could crawl into my bed.

Keep me company,

And direct the dreams in my young head.

But I had to board my window shut.

Yet, you still direct my dreams, somewhat.

So I made a dream catcher.

And trained a deadly spider to spin a web inside her,

As her Dream Catching net.

To stop the deadly dream's you inspire.

And so it went.

But now, I miss the nightmares.

For at least, in them, I could admire you for being there.

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
Knock Knock Jokes Aren't funny when There's nobody there.
Actually, Nothing is funny when no one's there to care.
when your sense of humor washes down the drain.
there's nothing left to feel but numbness and pain.
I'ts been an eternity since the landscape of my face has had this much rain.
My cheeks have been so dry.
I was self-taught not to cry.
I'm understanding now, why a drought was called The Great Depression.
Depression, Not a direction I want to go.
But you wouldn't know I'm there.
That's how it works, Depression.
You know, it goes so much deeper than a ****** expression.
It's not so much easy to hide it , as it is you get good at it.
But no matter how long-lived the drought,
What I would be more worried about,
Is the ground being so dry it's lost the ability to absorb the rain.
Have you ever seen it rain after a dry-spell?
the raindrops plop to the ground and swell on the surface, not soaking in.
I don't know where to begin,
They told me I'd feel better if I cried and "let it out"
But, I think they know, it  takes more than that to end a drought.

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
How do I get over the past,
when it was supposed to be my future you and I were meant to last
So don't ask me for my heart back when you've thrown it in my face.
cleansed of your fingerprints, you didn't even leave a trace.
It's frustrating.
how trusting I am of your loving hands
that caressed someone else.
I'm just stressed, Can not stop thinking
Thinking about her lips on your lips
instead of my name.
I'd give anything now
for things to be the same
as they were
And there's really no cure
for love.
It's a miserable thing
no matter how lovable how kissable
I need to be closer
A tattoo on your skin
But even as ink I'd never soak in
deep enough.
Its a miserable thing, this thing we call love.
You don't have to believe in us
I know it's unlikely
The fact you even think of me is striking.
Just tell me you're willing to try
You're killing me,
I cry and I cry
How in the world do you sit there dry eyed

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
They say each cigarette takes eleven minutes off your life.
But Heaven know's that that's alright.
What can you do in eleven minutes anyway?
I lived through a lifetime of your abuse and you still didn't stay.
There's a lot that could be done in eleven minutes, one may say.
and I have to agree. It took less than eleven minutes for you to destroy me.
less than eleven minutes to say a prayer, to take a picture, to sit and stare.
But it takes less than eleven minutes to get high to be humiliated to frustratedly try not to cry. for your truths to be spilled, to swallow too many pills, it takes less than eleven minutes to be killed.
and maybe I'm happy to rid or eleven minutes more.
you have a door **** for a heart and your love's a trap door.
You said I "felt like home"
so I know why you ran away.
at least for me "home" isn't a place you'd want to stay.
And if i'm left with only eleven minutes more perhaps I have regrets.
But If my lungs are filled with smoke
I can't feel your essence in my breath.
I'll just keep my fingers crossed you have no presence in my death.

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
My mind is a canyon where your voice echoed.
I wish you belonged to me but I think that's what I like most.
That you're not meant to be owned.
And maybe it's wrong of me to wish for you on falling stars.
Maybe It's childish.
But it's so rare to meet someone who knows who they are.
and I don't care what anyone thinks they know.
they do not know you.
And I'm determined to show you I can be all that you need.
I want the best for you, wanting you for myself is simply out of greed
because I know you can do better.
and with every letter I write in each word in each line while you're on my mind is important.
my writing gets distorted at night but every A, B and C is hope
that you might take another look at me.
And maybe see something in me worth saving.
as of now my heart's been replaced with wooden shavings
And the tree that they came from is nothing but a stump
I get a lump in my throat just thinking of how I **** everything I love.
Because I give my whole heart.
And I love things to death.
So I shouldn't be surprised to see that they left.
But I almost always am.
And I don't know how to start the grief process.
when no one is as lost as I am.
I wish you would find me
I've stayed where you left me.
more shaken then I was before.
When you awaken with my scent in your empty bed,
Do you just sleep on the floor?
Do you even know me anymore?
are you torn between not knowing and not caring.
because I'm staring at the walls wishing there was a way to get to you, a way out of here.
it appears that I'm trapped. If these walls could talk they'd be full of crap because all they do is keep me from living.
and the life they're giving me isn't life it's just a safe way to survive.
Because a free spirit shouldn't be confined.
And I'm fed up,
with being fed and given water, shelter and love
like that should be more than enough.
but I love my parakeet.
i give it food and water so it should happily tweet.
But it's still a caged bird like me.
The only thing I truly need is to be free.
and freedom is hard to come by.
you're the only one who's showed me some.
and I don't want this thing to die.
my mind is a canyon where your voice echos
my eyes are canyons full of the tears I haven't let go.
My lungs are canyons full of smoke.
and my hollow laughs at life's sick jokes.
I'm a canyon, quite simply
I'm empty

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
I've decided to write to you.
It's a little too late after all that we've been through.
But I saw you the other day.
I left immediately. Didn't think I had anything left to say.
I ran in to you actually.
I know how you like everything stated factually.
I'm still high from the smoke you breathed on me.
It's not the regular Buzz.
It feels more like I'm going to die.
Because, Because.. I don't know why.
All I know for sure is that lipstick shade of yours,
Looks more like blood has stained your lips.
Like you drank blood for breakfast in small, lady-like sips.
But you looked beautiful, like an actress who through away the scripts.
Oh My Stars, you were Gorgeous.
Even with your scars that always made you resemble a hot mess.
But not that night, In that skimpy, emerald dress.
You were Beautiful in a way that was dangerous.
And It hurts me now, That you couldn't love me less.
honestly, I'm sorry for mistaking you as a Maiden In Distress.
You didn't want a fairy tale.
You're the princess who denies the prince
and falls in love with the dragon who's meant to be slayed.
In the end , I guess I was the prince who just got played.
And you wound up with Dragon's breath.
which I guess, explains how inside of me, you started a flame.
But I was stupid and left, Now you have your dragon
and we'll never be the same.
I'm sorry this makes no sense, It's all over the place.
I have to write it before I'm sober.
I mean, since when are you a smoker?
With this high, every time I close my eyes I still see your glowing face.
I don't want this to be over.
I want to taste your ****** lips.
Maybe I'm not a prince
love me.
Baby, I'm an ogre

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
Once again from a male's perspective.
Not my best piece, sorry
I'll play my guitar 'till my fingers bleed.
If it matters to you, If that's what you need.
****** finger tips
I'm getting stronger,
But I'd still do anything to make your love linger longer.
I'd catch a falling star
for you to wish upon
watch it burn in my palm
And be proud of the scar.
I'll watch it burn yet stay calm.
as long as i'm your wish.
I guess I'll add this poem to the things I'll never finish.
It saddens me, I don't know if I'll have this chance again.
But I can no longer grip the pen.
my palms are burnt raw,
but my frozen heart wont thaw.
blood drips
from my finger tips.
so hold my hand, just kiss my lips.

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
You were my favorite mistake.
one I hope to make again.
I don't believe in second chances.
You deserved all ten.
In spite of the lies you told, and all the pain you cause,
the cold Day my life flashes before my eyes, I'll put our nights on pause.

The nights we told our secrets,
The nights we made our own.
The nights in which were sleepless.
that caused weakness in my bones.

Your kiss, The taste of sweetness.
That left me speechless in that bed.
I'll never know the reasons, to why you wouldn't leave my head.  

But I know the color of your blood.
Deep Venetian Red.
"Just wear long sleeves tomorrow."
Is the only thing I said.

If I had said something more meaningful..
something empowering instead.
Maybe you'd lose the urge
to bleed out, the urge to just drop dead.

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
You hung up on me mid sentence.
But I continued talking, Rocking back and forth on my bed.
Blurting out all the things I should have said.
I convinced myself you could hear me just fine.
But there was no voice on the other end of the line.
There's a boy by your name, who looks a lot like you too.
He used to be a good friend of mine.
I've lost touch with him (with you)
I still know everything there is to know about you.
And I don't believe I can carry on without you.
my bone's ache.
And no, this isn't my first heart break.
But I'm a t
tree. And they're just a broken bottom branch.
You're more like my root system.
You're throwing more curve ***** then I can catch.
I'm acting more on emotions than on wisdom.
No, I didn't mean to get this attached.
But overtime the cigarette in your mouth
became the chimney to my house.
and the smoke you exhaled made me feel at home.
That's all hypothetical.
Maybe I'm not being sensible.
But I still love you.
Isn't that sad?
A skipping stone in love with a boy who hit rock bottom.
the same boy I once had.
Everything is dying.
We act like it's something beautiful and refer to it as Autumn.
But there is nothing beautiful about Dead things.
Nothing is beautiful about dead tree leaves.
Or dead feelings you have for me.
That used to thrive.
And I can't **** mine,
my feelings for you.
they're very much alive.
Maybe more so than I am.
Maybe I'm dying too.
I mean, It is Autumn.
Or perhaps you say Fall.
But I don't think I could fall any harder for you.
I've broken more than just bones.
Why does Love make us feel so alone.
There's no warmth of a fire place in my home.
My chimney is missing.
But Baby, If you're listening.
I'm tired of feeling alone.
I'm cold.
Why won't you say you love me too?
I'm cold and I need you.

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
Go ahead, have a good laugh. You think you understand but you've never seen the poems I have saved as drafts.
you think you know something special by reading these lines.
But you can't take away what's rightfully mine.
You think that you can feel my pain.
you wet fool, you didn't even
feel the rain.
© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
"Some feel the rain others just get wet"-Bob Marley
I take off my coat and stomp the snow off my shoes.
Trip over the rug and instantly bruise.
Glance up at the stack of medical bills, next to the various bottles of pills.
Crawl into bed to drift away.
Ready to escape another horrid day.
and right when conciseness started to vanish.
There's a knock on the door,
A little Spanish girl I'd never seen before.
"Sorry, wrong house."
She says in a heavy accent.
I notice her knit gloves are frozen
On her hands, made perfectly for imprints in cement.
And I wonder
If she ever made art with her hand prints when she was a kid,
I don't know, maybe she was better than that.
But for some reason, I want her to make me one of those hand print crafts.
So I say, "But this house has a fireplace, come on in."
She steps inside and laughs.
I pull the frozen knit gloves off her tiny cold hands. and breath into them to make them warm.
My stomachs butterflies are flying in swarms.
Then she sees the the pills and asks "what are all these?"
My heart sinks
"Don't worry about it, just forget it...please"
Her eyes drop and get wide when she sees the bruise on my knee.
And for the first time she really sees me.
I know how she must feel.
getting in on the short end of a sick deal.
Or maybe she can't believe that it's real.
she just pulls up her sleeve, and shows me her wrist.
A hospital bracelet with bold type reading flight risk
I start to tell her she needs to go back.
And feel my cheek turning red from her slap
she says "I'm sorry, Just don't make me go..Nobody want's to die alone."
I don't know if it was the needy look in her eye,
Or the helplessness in her tone.
But you should know that
She didn't die alone.

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
Another story from a male's perceptive.
I know all of the cuts and burns I've seen myself before.
I know all of the twists and turns. I've been down this road before.
Like a Geode, I have Crystals inside.
But on the outside, I'm like any other rock.
so how would you tell me a part from a stone.
I don't have a lot of self pride.
That shouldn't come as a shock.
I've always walked this road alone.
But I'm a Geode.
I'm a Geode.
Though you'd never know till you break me, and open me up.
only then will you see my crystal beauty.
when I'm in pieces and have had enough.
But there's no way of knowing a Geode from Rock.
You won't find out in time, No you won't hear it from the clock.
But if you love them you'll break them.
no matter how tough.
and you'll see the inside shell and if it shines.
You'll never find out if you don't cross any lines.
And it might be rough.
But they just might shine.
I read that Thunder Storms are formed from unstable air.
And I don't know,
I'm just taking some unstable breaths right now.
I didn't mean to start a Storm or anything frightening.
But oh well, Brace yourself. I'm not afraid of lightning.
It's only energy tween earth and sky.
Were all energy but were not as striking as lightning, though i don't know why.
Because We keep our beauty on the inside.
instead of being broken and exposed.
When you broke you chose to heal
we all do it has more appeal.
But why not expose ourselves.
Not every thorn has a rose.
not every rock is a Geode.

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
I drove my car to the cemetery.
I was a little late getting to our meeting place.
You were already there, by the same tomb stone you always are.
Wearing a tired expression on your face.
the dark half moons cast shadows under your glistening eyes.
You hand me a present wrapped in newspaper and i'm sort of surprised.
I open it and see it seems to just be trash.
you look at me as if you were a closet hoarder and you're showing me your secret stash.
You smile sadly,and say..
"I can't fight your battles for you
This time, It's your own war."
shifting your gaze
you looked down at the gift.
"This is the diary i started writing the day we met."
you said.
"And I won this pack of stale cigarettes off of you in a bet.
These scraps of paper are all the notes we passed back and forth during class.
oh, and you dropped this penny during offering once I finally got you to come to mass.
this paint sample is the color we said we'd paint our future house together.
when we were were messing around in the department store.
we chose a brown like leather.
But, that doesn't matter anymore.
you just didn't see me take it.
or slip it in my pocket.
oh, and this"
she said holding up a golden heart shaped locket.
"My father gave me this before he died.
It's meant for my wedding day.
There's a picture of us inside.
It's yours now.
I wont be getting married anyway.
Sweetheart, I know who you are.
Maybe, to the wrest of the world you can hide your ****** preference.
But not to me, I know the difference.
Don't feel guilty.
You didn't hurt me.
You never deserted me.
I've thought about this a lot.
I was mad at first.
I thought you were sinful.
I thought you were cursed.
But there's nothing wrong with how you are.
It's just my love for you is so strong.
And it won't go away.
This has gone on for far to long.
I shouldn't be making you stay."

I sat there in disbelief heartbroken, and a little relieved.
as I watched her walk away.

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
I wonder what's out of reach
due to my refusal to let go of you.
Maybe I have my hands full.
I can see you grasping for something too.
do you miss me?
Your voice is what I fell in love with first.
fresh like water to quench my thirst.
A voice that was so full of Love
Now all your words are slurred.
You only call me when you're drunk.
Because you're not thinking straight.
I want to hear the Love again, But I'm afraid that it's to late.
I want you to be safe but I'm not ready
For you to get sober.
What if then, This is all over.
I don't care if I'm only your Baby when you're drunk.
I'm drunk on you.
I don't care
No, I don't care
what you do.
Just Please Don't stop calling
I'll never stop falling
more and more in love with you.

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
But I'll save the Voice Mails..
What happens to souls
That made their own bullet holes?
When Innocent Eyes catch their first glimpse of Hell,
And their own burning flesh is all their little noses can smell.
They'll try to forget seeing each flame.
But God knows, They'll never be the same.
Though they'll wash the ash from there face.
And build up their walls, so no one can get in.
When breaking down a wall where do I begin?
I'm so small
I'm so small
And maybe the walls are there for you to see how much you want them.
but remember one thing about those walls, you can never see past them.
Sometimes I think I can  feel the world spinning.
it knocks me to the ground
And I think Satin is winning.
Like a kid on the merry-go-round.
Faster, Faster We Need Another Master
who's saying that now?
Maybe what this World needs is just to slow down.
So we can sort through the lost and found.
When you were going through Hell, what did you find?
What did you lose, And Do you still have your mind?

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
She thinks the leaves will change just for her, If for long enough she stares.
believes, She's in the Praying Mantis's constant prayers.
Thinks the sun doesn't really shine 'till she takes a look outside.
believes that fireflies only light up to impress her.
Somehow, she Believes all of this, And still thinks she's of the lesser.
She tells her secrets to the Trees and doesn't care how she looks.
tells her fears to the fish, as she frees them from their hooks.
And to the Praying Mantis, She tells her past,
hoping, it will pray for her future to take a smoother path.
Her Future.
It couldn't come any sooner.
But it's of it, she's terrified.
Confined, to the present time,
She's a prisoner of her own mind.
Scared, of the unknown.
Inside, She's still a little girl, But oh, how fast her body's grown.
She thinks Nature is the only thing on her side, And her enemy is time.
She's already sick of this roller coaster called life.
But hasn't lived near many enough days.
She says,
Praying Mantis, Should I close my eyes the wrest of the ride?
No answer, Yet silently he prays.

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
A hole in the wall.
She wraps my fists.
No wonder, I fell for a girl with bandaged writs.
She tucks me in bed with her healing kiss.
She must get tired of living like this.
When daylight breaks, she wakes me up.
And pours fresh coffee in my favorite cup.
She's cleaned the blood from the bathroom stall.
But what will she do about the hole in the wall.
She drives me to anger management.
Where I'll tell them everything was an accident.
She's back again at Ten o'clock
without her car, holds my hand for the walk.
Apparently, I didn't want to talk.
She may have fixed the hole in the wall.
But what will she do with her broken jaw.
She looks around to see who saw.
It's just us
and no forgiveness left for her to withdraw.
She tucks me in bed with her sympathetic kiss.
She's finally done living like this.

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
again from the male's perspective.
will you write down every time thoughts of me eat you alive?

Then I'll lick my lips to taste you.

I didn't jump into this, It was more of a cliff dive.

maybe your lips were dusted with *******.

I'm an addict to your touch.

It's what keeps me alive.

Your very mood can make it rain.

I shouldn't have asked you for SO much.

I know I'm hard to love.

I know.

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
I let you slip through my fingers
now you're a puddle on the floor.
You warned me
But I thought you were good down to your core.
I ignored the warning.
But I'm not sorry anymore
It was worth it, you know.
I know you said to leave..
But do you really want me to go?
It's just hard to believe.
that I mean nothing to you now.
How did it get this way?
You told me I meant everything.
That I was your family.
I should have caught on to that.
Because the people in the room when I was born.
Don't even care about my birthday.
I could have sworn you were different.
I don't think i was wrong
But still you left me
And I'm no longer strong.
My abandonment issues
Are the only ones that have ever stayed.
I've lost everyone no matter how hard I prayed.
You didn't have to leave.
You could have stayed.
you could have stayed.
I didn't burn my bridges, I needed something to stand on.
Honestly, You're the only thing i want to get my hands on.
I want to leave fingerprints in every corner of your heart.
I want your lungs to be the bull's eye
And my eyes will shoot the darts
I wan't to take your breath away
then give you mouth to mouth
Maybe you don't need saving
It's just i have this craving to be somebody's hero.
And you're mine so it only feels right you know?
you saved me from myself so many countless times.
I behaved so immaturely
surely, you see I'm still on my climb
This isn't my destination
I have enough bottled up frustrations to drown in.
I don't know if you'll save me.
I'm still spitting up water from the last time.
So I'll try to be brave.
© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
You committed, But couldn't give me a ring like God gave Saturn.
Instead you turned my heart into a Jackolantern.
emptied it until It was hollow.
Made "I love You" easier said than swallowed.
Turned on a light inside of me
to ignite the flame of a candle.
Love isn't a game you see, but It may be too much for you to handle.
Carve a self portrait with geometric shapes.
Lighten the day and open the drapes.
put my carved heart on the gray porch.
Starved of affection but lit up like a torch.
leave it there till' Halloween.
to scare the young and innocent
An abandoned heart truly is a scary thing.
Now i know your love wasn't given but lent.
You couldn't give me a ring like God gave Saturn.
Instead, you made my heart a Jackolantern.
instead of visiting a healthy pumpkin patch.
But that's what happens when you get attached.

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
Holiday themes aren't really my thing..oh well
I'm tired.
tired of being sad
tired, of the things we said,
we'd never do, but then we did.
tired of the f l a s h b a c k s, from when I was a kid.
And Jeez, I'm tired, of hearing "I'm Sorry"
especially in my own voice.
I'd live without apologies.
If it were my own choice.
I'm just tired,
tired of you.
tired of being used.
tired of bleeding out.
tired of being bruised.
Just tired.
of laughing without being amused.
tired of fake smiles.
tired of traveling sixty miles for a second of your time.
tired of all these floating words that rhyme.

Do you ever feel too tired for sleep, or so it seems?
I think, I'm just tired of seeing you in all my dreams.
I wrote you a text message
But I didn't hit send.
I started to call you
but instead
i hit end.
Every time I didn't,
I almost did.
all your hair pulled into the little knot on top your head caught my eye, no doubt.
Or maybe, it had something to do with the way your bottom lip pouts.
Or how, thanks to those thick glasses the oceans of your eyes are magnified.
God only knew there'd be a tsunami when you cried.
you always looked as if you were about to cry.
I hope there's a storm named after you.
I'll listen for your name on the weather, news and the radio.
Because I know I'll never see it flash across my phone.
You never showed up that night.
Why'd you leave me alone?
I don't hate you.
Please, don't think that.
It just still hurts,
the way you
knocked me
off of my
I don't hate you, You were a great story.
But every book ends.
Try to believe me, I really do want to read it again and again.
But every library book has to be returned.
or there's a large fee and my pockets are burned.
you see the world is our library.
and I only borrowed your story.
I have to return you now back to your shelf.
for you to collect dust and reflect on yourself.
one day someone will show more love than I did when they turn your pages.
And they will release all your unpublished chapters from their cages.
all in different writing and editing stages.
and all written in braile because love is blind.
Our Story Is Overdue.
I can't pay the fine.
I have to

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
I just really need to get to the library.
Is it nice inside your closet?
Do you have enough room?
Listen, you can talk to me. I have secrets too.

Do you enjoy Life inside your Closet?
And can you call it Home?
Maybe, you'd like to get out.
Visit Jamaica, Paris, Rome?
You know, I wouldn't let you travel alone.

Are you afraid of your parents?
or the judgement of your peers?
Afraid your deep dark secret might spill out after a few beers?

Don't want to ruin your reputation?
with what? The truth?
Scared of Confrontation?
Sweetie, don't waste your youth.

© copyrighted *Nicole Ann Osborn
come out of the closet, no matter what you're in there for.
the People in your life deserve to know the 'real' you
because you are wonderful!
There was a little, stuffed, ratted lamb
I used to carry around.
they found it in my closet hidden away.
What they don't know
Is that's where I used to stay.
Hidden and safe
From the war outside,
Forbidden to come out; I promised I wouldn't, But I lied.
Certain things you can't unsee
But I didn't take the ratted lamb with me.
I left it hidden away like I should have been.
Instead, I instilled a fear of men in my head.
that was the first night I didn't bring my little lamb to bed.
The old ratted thing was all I could protect.
Sure her little life wasn't perfect, always hidden out of sight.
clothes pins on her ears so she didn't hear the fights.
But I did my best to give her all I could.
Taking care of her the way I knew I should have been given care.
I became a Mom to the ratted lamb, because my Mom wasn't there.
She never once closed my ears with clothes pins.
I'd forgive her if she did.
But what's unforgivable, is that she didn't like how I hid.
I guess she wanted me to live in reality and not to be sheltered.
But I sweltered in the heat of truth.
so my little lamb I sheltered, my little lamb I soothed.
I still have the ratted thing, we sit side by side.
But now neither one of us has to hide.
Except for from time to time
When I hide from the memories
That brew

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
I might as well have fallen in love with the man in the moon.
He still wouldn't be as distant as you.
and He'll never show me his dark side.
Don't get me wrong, I fell in love with that part of you too.
But once you showed me your dark side the light in your eyes died.
and maybe I died a little inside too.
I'd have been better off falling in love with the man in the moon.
Like the wolf, I could cry to him all night.
Because I know he'll leave me once it's daylight.
Sound familiar?
Are you seeing things any clearer?
I'd rather have fallen in love with the man in the moon.
But I just can't, because he's not you.

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
Dear Migraines, tell me will anyone see the blood stains this time?
"from one to ten rate your pain."
"I'm just fine."
    Dear Migraines, will anyone not believe me this time?
The message didn't scare me it was the context.
Did you send that to all of your contacts?
You can lie all you want, All I want is the facts.
If you're angry stay away from the ax no matter what form It's in.
    Dear Migraines in his head, I know it's just all in his head.
Excuses, Excuses "It was an accident."
     Dear Migraines, are you fluent in his thoughts?
     Dear Suicidal thoughts, were you frequent? were you constant?
"it was an accident"
    A note to his parents, why were you absent? Children need you even after they're an infant. And there is never a time to make them your servant.
  Dear Pills, was it really that urgent? Why didn't you stay in the bottle?
   Dear Bottle, did your contents stop the pounding in his thick skull?
I have to chuckle but it's not funny, It makes my eyes wet and my nose runny. And I don't know why. I've slowly forgotten what it's like not to cry. have you?
   Dear Migraines, more like figment of his imagination darkening the pigment of his skin where the scars are in creation.
    Dear Migraines, you are not obligated to be an obligation.
     Dear Officer is this against his probation?
     Dear God, should I pray for his Salvation?
Dear Suicidal thoughts, may you die of starvation. I hope no one feeds you
He doesn't need you!
       Dear complication, why are you so complicated?
I can't imagine he sat there and contemplated death.
        Dear Death, don't let him take his last breath, Please.
                  © copyrighted *Nicole Ann Osborn
MISERY loves Company
Because Happiness already has it.
why should I when no one's there to see it.
why should I when no one's there to breath it.
No one to inhale  the promises I exhale.
Misery loves company, loves heart ache, loves heart break.
Victim of earthquake
Victim of Tsunami.
Sad Fatherless Girl
The boy without a Mommy.
MISERY loves company.
Because happiness already has it.
If the homeless love the homeless they'll be hopeless to ever have a home.
If the orphaned love the orphaned they'll forever be alone.
Misery loves company and Misery loves love.
Is a miserable thing.

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
He said I had Pretty, Blue eyes like his.
So I shut my eyes real tight.
I never wanted that Monster's eyes.
My eyes are my own, right?
he wore a disguise of a Man, But he's an impostor.
all he'll ever be is a Monster,
at least in the eyes of who he dare call his "daughter"
The Blue eyed monster lay on my bed not under.
I yelled out so fearfully loud, that It's no wonder I'm afraid of thunder.
And, ever since I've been begging my eyes to change their color.

I knew my life was a little rough.
But I always had just enough.
And there was never anyone to be jealous of.
But, I heard Jealousy being called The Green Eyed Monster.
Green's better than blue.
Green's so much better than the thought of you.
So, I asked Jealousy to consume me.
Invited the Green Eyed Monster in the room with me.
and asked it to plant some Jealousy to bloom in me.
Can you make it into a perfume then spray it on me?
I wanted jealousy to live in me.
But now, that isn't who I wanna be.
And I'm no longer Jealous that you get to keep the family.
They took your side, but they were better off without me.
Never looked back, but they woulda found out something about me.
Something to ponder,
my eyes are pretty, Green sometimes, sometimes Blue, but not like you.
Because I'm not a monster

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
Mountain Climber, how idiotic, mistaking a cacti for a rock.
And how ironic relying on cactus to hold you up.
It's roots became your lifeline.
But, you're blood dripped like cheap whine into the dirt.
I know what it's like to hold on to something when all it does is hurt.
Because, you're afraid if you let go, You won't survive.
Were all just trying to stay alive.
But if you let go you just might not make it through.
Mountain Climber,
Don't you see, That's why I'm still holding on to you?

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
the "mountain climber".. climbing a mountain and grabbing a cactus instead of a rock, is a metaphor for any person, place, thing, idea or even a memory, that hurts to hold on to but you can't live without.
When I think about the perfect man
It's someone with ambitions, someone with plans.
honestly, I look at his looks last.
I want someone who holds my heart when he's not holding my hand.
someone who listens even if they don't understand.
Someone who accepts me for who I am.
Someone I can T r u s t
who needs me for more than his lust.
someone with long and wavy hair
who hears peoples judgments and just doesn't care
someone with a solar system in the round bones of his spine.
With galaxies in his eyes and the stars shine brighter when he calls me "mine"
the feel of his unseen stubble prickling my cheek
is the one thing that could make me weak.
I want him tie-dyed on the inside.
who knows himself and has self pride.
someone who can admit when he's lied.
Because nobody's perfect but at least he'd have tried.
and if it doesn't work out at least we'd have tried.
because nothing is going to last forever
If it breathes, It's going to leave.
when you find him embrace every moment together.
and when he's gone.
And I search the sky but can't find the sun.
I'll come across a picture of him and remember our fun.
Then come to terms with the fact that what's done is done.

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
POETRY CHALLENGE!! (The Creep That Loved You's brilliant idea)
I went to bed with your words still in my head.
and it stills aches between my legs where I let you in.

I went to bed with your smell still on my skin.
And my heart still breaks from when I let you in.

It's broken and bleeding yet beating ten times quicker
And I don't know how to fix her,

my poor little heart.
trying to start-

up like an old Chevy
the weight of the world on my shoulders has gotten unbearably heavy

I need your strength
but I'm losing Faith

That we can make it through.
It may be much to late for me and you.

But there's something in the way you throw your head back.
when you laugh.

It warms me like a ray of hope.
and the trace of your touch can't be washed off with soap.

Believe me I've tried.
I gave you everything, then I went to bed and cried.
you stripped me of my clothes
please don't strip me of my pride.
I need you
And I've never confessed anything more true.
You see, I know that to you this was nothing.
But it's defiantly more then something to me.

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
As far as you know,
You've never hurt me.
You never saw me cry, not because I never wept..
I just never let you see.
It's been a while since I've slept.
But, if you must know there are mascara stains on my pillow case.
that's something you'll never see on my face.
Because I don't want you to know.
It's not really lying I'm just putting on a show.
I'm being strong for you.
I'ts the least I can do..
Hey, listen..I'm sorry
I guess I really was wrong for you.
But I need you to know you were right for me.
Congratulations, You've finally taught me the difference between a
want and a need.
A Father-Want
Oxygen is actually worthless, it's your aura I breath.
But, As far as you know.
You've never hurt me.
I'm doing just fine.
I've moved on now.
I have someone new to call mine.
And yeah, he's nice,
for a want.
I guess, acting strong comes with a price.
I don't want to love you, you know.
But I do.
I guess, that means I still need you.
But I don't want to.
You've taken This wild stallion heart of mine
And turned it's busy hooves into glue.
I never understood how you hurt me or why you'd want to.
But now, I think maybe it's that you needed to.
Because everything happens for a reason.
There squeezing the truth out of me.
But, If everything happens for a reason
And breaking me is what you needed to do.
Then Why
Why do I
need you

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
Sparks used to fly between us.
Enough to cause a forest fire.
But that's not the kind of warmth i need And you're nothing but a liar.
Our fire killed all the nearby trees and I now suffer from lack of oxygen.
Breath some air into my lungs will you?
with your kiss which tastes as good as  sin.
I strung all your promises on thread, like beads around my neck.
and when you broke them it slit my throat.
You did your best, but your best didn't meet my needs
I wore your love like a coat.
Now you've stripped me and it's snowing.
Ripped my heart out of me and let it freeze.
You threw it into all those dead trees without my knowing.
And I hope God can see me down here on my knees.
Lord, I need a warmer coat now please.

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
Sweetie, if you see your glass as half empty
I'll use my half to fill yours up.
I'm just grateful I have the cup.
I'll give you E v e r y t h i n g.
Just as long as I have you I'll have enough.
Missing you stings so bad I have honey for blood.
I think you find comfort
in the look in my eyes when I've been hurt.
And now I'm just pondering what made your eyes start wondering
And I think that's a good enough cause of death, just to know you looked away.
You say you t r i e d to get over me
So I know you didn't want to stay.
Maybe I just wanted too much from you.
You being my pain killer
I may have overdosed.
maybe I just can't have you so close.
but don't you know I'm addicted.
The thought of you and someone else sickens me
And now that you've seen how wicked I can be.
Do you still love me?
I know you're afraid you might be lost,
But I'm afraid I'll never be found.
I just wish you hadn't tossed my battered heart on the ground.
so many wrestles nights I scratched your name
in to my bed frame.
making it as close to the same
as the name engraved
on my bones.
when you were with her did you feel alone?
Because I'd like to think so
You know?
I'd like to think so.

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
I'm not good enough?
My grades aren't good enough?
yeah, I know
I'm not skinny enough?
I'm not busy enough?
well, that's tough
My friends are a bad influence?
Their parents say the same about me on coincidence.
My goals are set too high?
Then why should I try
I'm overly hyper?
sorry for having a good day.
I'm too quiet?
But, I was just letting you win
You don't approve?
But I'm In Love Him
His home is broken?
well, mine is chokin' me.
He doesn't believe?
Seriously, I can't breath
He's going nowhere like me?
And you think you're somewhere, oh please
I act like I don't even care?
I'm running out of air
You don't like what i wear?
Just, stand there and stare.
You're willing to do anything for me?
But, you're killing me, truthfully
It's the things I do, that you're just tired of tolerating?
oh, you mean how I'm suffocating?
But hey, good parenting.

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
I wake up in the morning and think, how rude of me to wake up without warning. Because I'm a grenade. Just look at all of the promises I've made, that I know I can't keep. I try my best to go back to sleep; but I can't.
       So I dress myself in yellow caution tape, close the drapes, turn out the light and tell myself no one will find me here but I know they might.
       I hang a stop sign on the outside of the door and lock it, put the key in my otherwise empty pocket and scream, "This is a danger zone, don't come near. there is only hazardous waste in here!"

             I didn't know you were fearless.
Or that you could break down a door.
Never  thought you'd caress me, pick me up off the floor
and say "But, you used to be so full of life."
Those words cut through me like a knife because I remember when butterflies still lived in my stomach and fireflies lived in my eyes.
they're dead now. I'm not surprised.
But, could you maybe bring them back to life?
They haven't taken flight since we slept in the meadow that night.
When I realized, after all those hours laying in a field of flowers,
That I am the flower you disassemble Petal by Petal.
as you chant "she loves me, she loves me not."  about some other girl. And I try not to rant, because we've never fought. But I don't want to listen to you tell me how her hair glistens in the sun, or how she bites her lip when you call her Hon. I don't want to hear it. I don't want you to give my biggest fear a name or face I could recognize. I'm just hoping you scrutinized me petal by petal as you disassembled my petals with another ******* your mind. and that's why you're back now. That you don't know how, but your thoughts trailed or that other girl failed you. And while you were moping you thought of me broken, scattered Petal by Petal. And your heart shattered at the thought so you bought a one way ticket and broke down my door. Because you realized while you were moping that you love me and you were stupid before. maybe i'm wrong and you shouldn't have to settle.

I'm just hoping,  you'll put me together again Petal by Petal
© copyrighted *Nicole Ann Osborn
Momma may have called her a bad influence.
But, aren't you still on Daddy's insurance plan?
C'mon step up, and be a Man.
Go out to dinner with the dangerous girl blowing smoke rings.
She's the same as you, were all sinners.
You never know she could be hiding angel wings
under all that thick Blue hair.
She's sort of like a car crash
you can't really help but stare.
What if she's an Angel and God sent her to you as a test.
to see if you'd give his beloved angel your best.
But you were to busy worrying about what
Mom would think and Dad would say
And how She might effect your grades.
But..What if you failed the most important test one day?

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
I looked you in the eye and saw you as a lump of clay.
I took it all in with a sigh; you dwindled to a fray.
I'll put you on my potters wheel until your head spins.
and you're nacius.
I'll toss this clay till it's centered and you'll wonder what kind of fiasco you entered. I'll mold you and form you till I have you how I want you.
But that's not you.
I'm not the potter, I am not God.
I'm only a daughter.
Perhaps i entered a land I wasn't meant to trod.
I shouldn't try to rearrange you. Only God can change you.
So how do I reverse this curse i've put over you.
and when this is over will I still know you?
I'll smash you before I take you off my potters wheel so you can restart.
I don't know how to feel since you've reformed my heart.

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
"oh my God, I had An awesome day, my boyfriend is so wonderful, and so sappy.
Don't worry, I'll find someone for you.
It's your turn to be

Well, I'm glad your day inspired awe,
And that your boyfriend is so full of wonder.
But, don't speak like I'm below you.
It's not you I'm under.
What will you do on your life's brightest day?
what words will you have left to say,
When you already wasted
on some sappy boy you hardly know. And
On this ****** day.
Then, had the audacity to say it's my turn to be happy.
Like I drew the "skip a turn" card one too many times.
Like this is monopoly.
But, Love's not a Game.
And Happy Isn't a name.
There's not Boy or Girl named Happy, ready to show me something new.
I don't know, maybe this is news to you.
But I'm happy all alone.
Maybe even happier on my own.
Happy has no face, It's not a name or thing or place.
I'ts a word.
not a name, Just a word.
with definition.
yeah , That's the situation. There's power in the things you say,
anyway, Sorry if I ruined your "Awesome" day.

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
At five, A prisoner of his own home.
At fifteen, A prisoner of his own mind.
At seventeen, imprisoned. Because the world's not always kind.
Born to be a prisoner.

"how sinister.
you know they don't have feelings.
give them nothing extracurricular.

Then we'll put them in a rubber room,
when they start talking to their ceilings.

Tell them, they can not touch their visitor.
Tell them, this will teach them to be a better listener.

Forced, to give them free food so you make it taste like vinegar.
make them feel worthless because they're a Criminal
A Prisoner.

"You may not touch your Visitor"
You may not hold your baby sister"

We'll give you cable and free meals.
Just not at your family table.
No one cares how the young man feels.
He's a criminal.
A prisoner.

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn
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