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it’s strange to be happy
for the first time in as long as you can remember
helplessly optimistic making everyday sunny

surrounded by good vibes
and only the kindest most selfless people
remembering what it’s all about

truly absorbing the goodness of life
the love of family members
and the feeling of security

i’ve never been here before
in this building where there’s safety on the shelves
consistent happiness hanging in the halls
breathtaking moments you wish you could frame

i’ve never been here before
but i’d love to stay if i could
i’m content here
people are kind
and understanding

i am a stranger to the village of happiness
but this cottage i’ve built
is one i hope to keep forever
  Aug 2020 Nadine Peñaverde
r
*******, struggling to find that break in the clouds
looking up, I see that now.
  Aug 2020 Nadine Peñaverde
MeanAileen
I didn't even realize
I forgot how to smile,
been wearing a fake one
for such a long while...
But then one day
you came along...
You brightened my world
and changed the words to my song.
Now your sweet lyrics
are all I can hear
and you've got me grinning
from ear to ear😁
Just a silly little poem for my new friend😊
  Aug 2020 Nadine Peñaverde
bennu
so whose pocket
does the universe fold up and fit into?

it could be yours,
if the music hits you at just the right moment
eternalizing the moment in which you were Ready...

you'll know because
a piece of that infinity will break off
and collide with your brain,
reminding you it's really yours--
no strings attached:

this is a steady stream of gravity,
winding through fields of Paradoxes,
rolling into a world...
where that's what they call

daisies.

i hesitate to face the music,
to me it seems locked up, strange
cold, exclusive, mocking

this can't be the one
that fits in my pocket...

but what's reaching me from across the rift,
over fields of Paradox-daisies
yes, up through the sewer drains!
and straight to my brain?

Aquarius, with her basket of water from Anywhere
taking me just a little closer with every drop
stretching the limit, the border, the shape
illusion soup

now the f- f- fold is ... easy

did i stutter?
answer that one til your savior comes with a sickle,
a novelty, or (dare i say it?)
an improvement.

and you were so sure it wasn't me.

an ineffable kernel belied your definition.
you are formlessness pulling on the fabric just so,
giving rise to form
drinking foreign waters
and not at all considering every possible dimension!
I am swimming in an endless ocean
At the mercy of temperamental waters
My effort dictated by an apathetic sea
The volatile storms give reason to my struggle
But when the crashing waves cease
And the tide is still
I wonder why I am even swimming
There is no land in sight
No clear direction
Yet if I desist
I begin to drown
Sometimes I just hold my breath
Sink into the depths of despair
Just as I am ready to accept my demise
My toes brush the jagged coral
I mustn't rest on this bed
Or I'll sleep forever
Suffocating
I muster what little energy I have left
Launching off the seabed
Ascending through the pain
Gasping for air at the surface
Relief washes over me
I have escaped the jaws of death once more
Only to end up back here
Swimming in the endless ocean.
This poem depicts the struggles of suicidal depression. The way each day can seem like you are constantly at war with yourself just to maintain your sanity and repress the thoughts that try to take over. The bad days often better than the good because you have a justifiable reason to feel bad. Often you get tired and can want to sink into the dark place rather than fight it, but it can get so bad that you are ready to give up. Usually, at this moment you find a reason to survive and carry on. When you have reached rock bottom, it's either do or die. You work to pick yourself up and put the pieces back together, start getting out of bed, eating again and exercising, only to end up back where you started, fighting each day just to be ok.
  Aug 2020 Nadine Peñaverde
romy
can I be your morning coffee
right when you wake up

and your warm cup of tea
before you go to sleep

wishing I was the cup against your lips
held right below my hips

can I be the tears running down your cheeks
and the shadow right under your nose

can I be the music you listen to on a rainy day
and the dimple right below your eyes

can I be your breath after walking up the stairs
and your late nights completely unaware
of all the things I want to be to you

can I be yours?
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