My voice soft as I comfort her...
Everything will be okay.
My little sister nods and dries her tears...
Heard broken by the mean words of a friend.

All will be fine

All will be fine...
I have told her that so often.
Yet I didn't believe that for my future.
I can't even picture my future.

When will all be fine?

Something sad on tv.
My mom is clearly upset.
I give her a hug and a smile.
I am sad to but didn't pay attention to the tv.

I lie to her...
All is fine

Yes dad I know you are mad.
And I have no reason to cry.
I am sorry.
I live a happy life and yet I cry.

A happy life?

Sure I live a happy life.
A good life.
I have everything.
Yet I feel a lack of happiness.

I am so sad and depressed.

But when one asks.
I lie.
I don't want to hurt them.
I don't want to worry them.

I lie.

I try to protect others from getting hurt.
Like when they know I am in pain,
They will have to endure it too.
So I lie.

I have a good life.

I just want to die.
But I never say.
I always lie.
I am okay.
I am fine.

I am simply living a lie.

I can't get out of bed,
Anxiety too bad.
I can't focus on his words,
Too busy planning my own death.
Can't work well,
Too tired.
I slept well,
I am just so depressed.
Can't they tell?

Life is beautiful
Full of wonderful people
Books to read
Places to visit
Friends to make
And new dishes to try
Life is beautiful and filled with promises
Yet it's so tempting to die

If I could only slide my wrists and die...
If I only could leave this place behind...
If I only could OD on some pills or...
Jump of a building so high...

I fear I did be gone by now
Weren't it for those people who care
That I am fighting

I want to die
Hurt myself
Commit suicide
But I promised them not too

And as I decided that I wanted to be buried in a black coffin,
I realised I am far more suicidal than I thought.

I want to sleep. I am tired.
I don't want to wake up until it's all over.
I am exhausted. I don't want to anymore.
I want to go to sleep and wake up over a thousand years.
Or maybe later. I don't know.
I don't think I really care whether I wake up or not.

We were on the train,
Traveling from Amsterdam back home.
There was this adorable little kid,
He asked me to play with his toy car.
We played for about fifteen minutes,
Before his mom said he had to go,
The little kid was so upset and yelled:
But I want to keep playing with that boy.
He made my day.
He was closer to the true than everyone else,
Correcting his so called mistake.
That adorable little kid made my day by calling me a boy,
And for now one person is enough.