i.
Watch me in some corner of a dimly lit bar,
you will not recognize me;
I look the same, it's just that
when I laugh my face resembles
that of another woman.
ii.
I left my job 4 months ago and have done nothing but
climb every mountain.
I watch the sun drown the city I hate and
it emerges beautiful, and wavering;
Glowing in the dark is
the only way I know how to love it.

From the top,
I count every room I have ever slept in
one, two, three, four, five, & six;
The only thought I can hold is that
of the spilled cups on wooden nightstands
iii.**
I am selfish, I am endless wasted days.

Sorry for writing you after so long
but I  guess I just miss
the person I was when
you still knew where to find me.

Things just don't fit together like they used to. I knew I had lost many of my pieces along the way, but I was painfully unaware of the full extent of my loss.
I slip and my cards fall in slow motion from my hands. I have lost my queen of hearts and I wonder if I will ever find her. My jigsaw gets smaller and I wonder what my fascination with puzzles was ever even about.
Youth misleads our clumsy fingers until adolescence can guide them more clearly, but how is adolescence to know the right direction? What is our destination anyway? Where are we going? What are we trying to find?
I reach under the couch and find a joker... Wait, he was joking? It shocks me like a jack in a box. How could I have been so naive? Of course his actions were insincere. They always are. They always will be.
I am looking for my queen of hearts. Her jigsaw pieces slot perfectly into mine. She is not so much of a queen as a princess, but she certainly possesses many a gullible heart. She possesses my gullible, frail heart.
I yearn for her crumpled, dog-eared kisses as she floats to the floor with the certain elegance of a queen. She snapped my heart, spit on the pieces and dealt me out a new hand. She does not understand... The only hand I wish to have is hers in mine.
She may have gone fishing for a challenge, but there will always be too many riddles for her to answer... I lost my queen of hearts. I am puzzled. I am too afraid to gamble my love away on any other card.
Once upon a time, she bet that I would give in, give up and fold her up. No, I will not fold until I have won... I will win her heart. I will win the game.

there are some things you can't paint pretty

to me, words can be like a rain storm in the way that the sun is hidden
but the world looks softer, the lines are blurred,
all of the harsh and bold are pushed into drains on the sides of the streets

sometimes, certain things have to stick out;
things that natural inconveniences can't blur or soften;
things that tell you to get used to the lump in your throat

i found out through a facebook status

9:13pm on a thursday night, i found out
through a facebook status

the one and only
mess of a blue eyed time bomb
will never walk past me in a grocery store
leaving a scent of falling in love for the first time and
p r e s s u r e
so much pressure

because
she
is
not
here
anymore

and it makes me wonder
in those 2 years that we did not speak
what changed
who did she become
how bad did it get
before she thought her best bet
was a gun to her head

you hid from life in way that made
your loved ones lose sleep
you left this life in a way that makes
this town a little more dull