Happy. I am fine.
But there is this part of me that isn't.
That is still broken inside out...
This burden I have.
Stones of smoke laid in my heart.
I try plucking them out myself...didn't work.
I am dying while living.
Sad while happy.
Broken....while healed.
I cast my burdens to you, Lord.
You asked me to.
You want me to.
You would not let me slip and fall.
You never rest.
Thank you.
As I lay...helplessly helped.

crushing noises.
muffled screams.
tried to explain. you dont want me to repeat.
i cry, tearing myself up.
feels hard to smile.
feels painful to frown.
help me.
drowned.
cold.
i need someone to hold...me.
me?
isnt it i who torn myself up?
torn personality, flowers, they don't look as pretty...
the sun...too bright, what if they see the glass tears i was weeping.
"are you okay?"
"need help?"
please...Le----sta--ve.
help me..don't..... need that...

you don't want to inside my mind.
i beg you.
please.
dont care about me.
i dont want to be a burden to you.
i dont want to worry you.
let me drown.
it happens...for...reasons.
i can do it....ewocmdkwodm"youcan't"owkcmk......
i whisper through the knives you placed in me...
"help me..."

Me-

Did I smile?
Did i laugh without tears, did I shout, and screamed with no fear,
Did I dance? Did I pretend I am okay?
I am forgetful sometimes, so please remind me of my pain....

God-
Did you miss me?
Did you see me in the stars,
Did you see me, as  I looked on the other side of the road, past the cars.
Did you see me, smiling from the moon, did you see me, warming you up at noon?
Did you see me, in between the leaves, did you see me as I danced while you're asleep....
Did you see me, as I shut your eyes.
Did you see me, as I kissed you from up high...as I sang a lullaby...

Even I hear the sounds of silence in your bedroom.
I hear the ever noisy silence ringing outside the cracks of the window.
I am tearing up inside, losing control.
I clenched my fists and buried myself in my moutain of comfort on the fabrics of your bed.
I am trying to stay happy, to talk to you.
But I was afraid to shout, afraid to let the monster in the cage out.
Do you hear me?
As I stand in silence like the wind?
Do you hear me through the Spears and knives of your hurt words?
Do you....?

Clings of metal, pots and kettles.

Trumpets of laughter, drumming of tables,
planting of cables.

Sounds of games, clashing of swords, narrator's voice saying "game on!"

Quiet dim lights. Sounds in sound played in rooms, as people bring dishes out at noon.

Walls of cold separated speakers, waves of warmth shook the walls.
Crying in Midnight's, cats at 3, pens clicking at half past two.

Computers locked open.
Music of this neighborhood rang in my ears, as I stand by the door, paper wrapped in hand. Looking to the lights of another home...