I’ve a general practitioner, a psychiatrist and a psychologist
(who’s leaving but I’ll panic about that later)

I’m on 4 different psych meds

Adderall, XR 25mg P.O.
(So I can be motivated, focus and concentrate), Daily

Klonopin, 0.5mg P.O.
(For panic attacks, social anxiety, generalized anxiety), As needed

(Translation:Constantly)

Buspirone, 10mg P.O. (For depression and generalized anxiety),
3 times daily – Useless

Remeron, 15mg P.O. (For depression, anxiety and insomnia),
Daily, at night – Only helps you sleep

Even with all that, I can barely get out of bed in the morning,
coffee’s no help

I can’t really sleep much, waking times a night,
sleeping restlessly if at all

Going to class is a nerve wracking nightmare – as is going out –
but I do it anyways

A panic attack surrounded by people is better than
solitary madness and cabin fever

Like a slave, to a handful of bitter little pills just barely keeping you afloat, unable to hack it alone

While everyone else seemingly can push on through life without them

Falling behind, despite the stupid little pills

Watching as the world goes on around you, spinning sickeningly

While you wish desperately to be normal,
with a million colliding thoughts in your head

then
our granny spoke,
manners are the gate
that opens to the kingdom
where, on the chairs, sit
respect and honour.

then
our granny spoke,
manners are the rainbow
that materialises after
the heavenly grace and bliss
shower on our heads.

so we spoke,
manners are our breath,
our each step on the mat,
on the marble, our bridge
where long-lived fame stands.

...
    A breath of air
the closing of eyes,
    exhale; release
look around
    sigh.
Inhale again
    now hold this one in
I am full
    to the brim
All of me
    is within.
...

I was asked, why do I write and all I could think of to say,
was because I believe.

I believe looks matter.
There is
healing in a look of compassion,
love in understanding,
comfort in tears cried with me.

But one look away, ignoring
can break a heart.


I believe touch matters.
There is
care enclosed in a hug,
relief in a hand placed on a shoulder,
encouragement in a touch on the passing by.

But pulling away, distance
can break a heart.


I believe words matter.
There is
acceptance in words of forgiveness,
restoration in mercy and grace,
healing in kind, soothing whispers.

But one word out of bitterness, hatred
can break a person.


I write because I believe words matter.
I write because I believe you matter.

Sometimes it takes
thousands of words
to heal a broken soul

and I want to tell you,

I will write
word after word,
paragraph after paragraph,
page after page.
As long as it takes,
I will write until you finally believe
that you matter.

Seize each golden hour
Living only for today
Cherish each moment


~Hilda~