I’ve been watching, breathing in your skin
Breathing in the shadow that is left
Breathing in the words left hanging
in the stars above the river. Above the drunken
teenagers stumbling over feet and syllables.
There you left, counting the stars on my own
Counting the steps you take away from home.
Feeling the pull as you strayed from me
Feeling the threads break oh-so easily.
But when I saw you, I didn’t know your face
Your voice had changed. The girl had changed.
She clung where I held, and kissed the lips that were mine
Kissed a smile that I’ve never seen before.
So I will no longer be watching, holding your bones
I will no longer be lurking, waiting for you to come home.

A faded memory of your silhouette,
every time I close my eyes
I bite my lips & pretend it's you
my skin screams your name

Intangible presence,
your ghost haunts my days, my nights

I remember the first time I saw you
still feel the fire that was egnited  
the burning passion made me come alive
but now
nobody's been able to touch me,
that fire burns them to ashes

Caught you off guard
With a lighthearted smile
And
in that fraction of a second
I could see the child that dwels within you

Pure and sincere  
Silly, lover of all things
The one who forgets to judge
One that lives on mountains of
Creative curiosity
Explorer of unfathomable lands
Innocence through your eyes filled with awe

As fast as it came, it left.
You grew up once more to a dull, monotonous and frivolous conditioning the we are shaped into as children.

Live my brothers & love with an intensity only permitted in your dreams and hidden fantasies.

Touch me
So that I might
Finally
Inhale
Tonight

Barely Breathing .......

©MV

You are standing in the alley
Smoking a cigarette
You hear my voice but you can´t hear me
I smell the alcohol on your breath
Your arm is reaching for my waist
Your kiss has that bitter aftertaste
Your blurry vision slowly has me erased
I leave you feeling like life is going to waste

I don´t think you changed, I just think I closed my eyes
Holding on to hope as I watched the smoke rise
Just love isn't enough for me anymore
I can't be your freedom and your cure

You are standing in the alley
Smoking a cigarette
You can drown your sorrows, but I can't drown my feelings
You pour alcohol down your throat until it stings
You hear my voice but you can´t hear me say goodbye
You drank all the alcohol money could buy
Your blurry vision slowly has me erased
As I'm walking away from what you chose to embrace

I don´t think you changed, I just think I closed my eyes
and I know it was real cause you regretted all your lies
Just love isn't enough for me anymore
Your cigarette burns out and drops to the floor

My heart is on fire
With love.
Love for people I don't know.
It's on fire
With passion.
Passion for things I don't like.
It's on fire
With pain.
Pain because of him.
It's on fire
With the memory of his kiss.
With the happiness I remember.  
With my childhood.
With laughter.
Tears.
Smiles.
Life.
Death.
Its on fire.
And I'm terrified the flame is going to go out.

I would like to wrap my words around this page-
outstretch my arms so I can hold up the stage below me
tell it-
tell everyone
things will not be this bad for too much longer..
But I've never really been much of a liar
just a melancholy toned razor tongue
with a quick wit and keen punchlines
I am all and I am nothing in the same breath.
Breathe. I try to track how many I take
but there's too much breathing and not enough oxygen
these arms are now making me choke
held too tightly around this stage
that has become my throat
these words are slipping
they have become my will, my oath
my proof that something exists
and as it is all drifting and drifting
I am reminded-
nothing does.
My mind plays tricks on itself
my left brain likes to tie a lasso around my right
until all of the creativity is squeezed beneath my toes
under a microphone,
in front of a laptop,
for everyone to see
and laughs when it realizes this is all I have.
Then my right brain retaliates
excellerates into oblivion
and becomes one with my anxiety
it speeds up everything in my thinking process I own
until I am the one-
spinning and swerving and crashing
until I am the one-
manic and crying and thinking about death
and it laughs when I'm clutching my legs again
when it thinks it's won the battle
and see I wake up everyday and fight.
There is no beautiful music to play-
no genre to this madness
You can spin me like I'm on a record player
and watch me slowly turn.
There is no going backwards for me
only forward and repeat
and my history sounds a little like
a skipped disk in the CD slot
because you keep replaying the same parts
over and over and o-over and o-o-o-o-ver again.
This cycle plays on repeat for days on end
until eventually everyone gets tired of it
and it's thrown away-
These arms let go.
I am left speechless again.
Waiting. Waiting. Waiting
for the soft spoken tap of the keys to reel me back in
whispering a string quartet of desire and longing
only to watch my mind begin the game again.
Gaining only scratches on my surface-
Skip me.
I don't wanna play anymore.