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I have been high off of "Mary Jane"

But nothing compared to the high

That comes when his hands firmly

Grasp my wrists and places them

Above my head as he leaves a trail of

Soft kisses down my torso

This is the type of high that comes once in a life time

A high that keeps the world turning

And this fire inside me constantly burning.
 Mar 2019 xmelancholix
 Mar 2019 xmelancholix
2,527 miles
13,342,560 feet
160,110,720 inches
to your heartbeat

different state
different city
different coast
miss you, miss me

today here
yesterday there
it’s hard to talk
but I don’t care

you make me happy
that’s all that counts
I think I quite like
having you around
I have been searching in this crowd of empty faces
Following the sound of your voice
Tripping over the imperfections scattered around me
Dodging flailing arms as the crowd surges with regret

            .  .  .   bLaCk OuT .  .  .

Falling onto the hardwood floor that was once our love
I can no longer hear you calling to me
Struggling to stand on what feels like broken ground
My soul is shattered
I'm starting to recognize these empty faces
As they belong to my own soul
I am surrounded by mirrors
Have you ever felt like you're hearing your name being called
but really no one is there calling to you...
 Sep 2018 xmelancholix
That girl
 Sep 2018 xmelancholix
What if
I had fallen to my knees
On the cold parking lot concrete
Tears washing over my cheeks
And cries no one should ever have to hear
Bellowing out from beneath my ribs
Screaming at the sky
Looking up at your face
Forcing you
(and everyone else)
To see me in this godforsaken state
Of absolute chaos
In it's rawest form
What if I had begged you to stay?
What if I'd told you I can't do this without you?
What if I'd told you how much I needed you
What if I did anything other than fighting back the tears
Maybe for myself, maybe for you,
Mostly for the crowd of people gathering
Saying their goodbyes
Anxiously looking around to bear witness to everyone else's reactions
And I didn't want to be that girl
That girl who falls to the ground
Kicking and screaming and crying and begging
But what if I was?
What if I was any girl other than the one I pretended to be that day
The one that held her tongue and kept her mouth shut because she knew the second she opened it to speak she would sob
The one that wrapped her arms around you for the last time,
and the one that let go
The one that couldn't bear to watch you walk away
So she kissed you goodbye
Got back in the car
And drove home
What if i wasn't that girl who didnt allow herself to completely fall apart until she was alone in the privacy of her own home?
What if instead I'd made a scene,
Doing what everything inside me so desperately wanted to
Grabbing hold of your hand and refusing to let go
Losing the facade of confidence
The charade of strength
But I'm not that girl
And I never will be
So each and every time you leave
I kiss you goodbye
I unclench my fists and retract my anchors
I untether my heart from it's human home
And I put on a brave face
Maybe for myself, maybe for you,
Or maybe
For that girl.
Am i ready for this?
This escape from the life i live?
Am i ready to be all on my own,
In a world i know will hate me?
I guess my answer is
 May 2018 xmelancholix
Amelia wore a yellow slicker raincoat,
rain or shine, Every day without fail
And her smile was almost as bright as that
But not quite.

Amelia took off the raincoat in the seventh grade, when
a boy said she looked like a duckling,
"the ugly duckling". They laughed, but her?
Not quite.

Tenth grade rolls around. The raincoat is
collecting dust in the very back of a closet filled to the brim
with clothes no one could say were an ugly duckling's feathers.
First day of school, and it begins to rain. Pour, even.
But not quite.

Amelia is in a rush. She grabs the first raincoat she sees,
the ugly duckling yellow slicker. She
begins to cry, and her tears are almost
blending in with the rain.
But not quite.

with no other choice, she wears her feathers.
she expects laughter, and pointed fingers
but she is met with the same smiles as
she always was.
"Cute raincoat, Amelia!"
And she begins to smile, almost as wide as she did
when she was an innocent duckling.
But not quite.

For Amelia, who found her wings
in an old yellow slicker raincoat,
smiled wider.
 May 2018 xmelancholix
“please be naked”

she stands in her doorway wearing just a gown,
I walk in the house, dumbstruck by beauty,
up in her room undoing the bow, the shield simply slides down
caressing her curves, stroking down to the floor,
intertwined bodies craving the touch of the other,
joined as one in the gentle acts of love and lust,
romanticised ideals of perfection and soft rhythm,
delicate groans as two become one,
the broken poet, for the moment, is gone,
my drug addiction of you, just wanting more,
As my heart bleeds, love begins to pour.

“please be naked”.
this poem is influenced by The 1975 instrumental song "please be naked". i regularly think of this song as romanticising the act of *** and the trust required with it rather than what most songs make it today. despite having no lyrics the song speaks volumes to me and id definitely recommend it to anyone. stay safe and live well. JY x
kiss me in your backseat
like nothing has ever been like this before
'cause you kiss like a promise
like you have never wanted anything more
than me

and just maybe, i'm crazy about you baby
and i guess it's a mess but i've always loved messy

and with your lips on my neck, i feel like the best is yet to come
and with my heart on my sleeve, i hope you can see it beats like a drum

and i'm wrapped around your finger and my gaze might just linger on your face
and i can't help but notice what we've made of this moment in this place

is beautiful
you're beautiful.

in the streetlights, with your brown eyes looking into my heart
hold me tighter, with your bright lights lighting up the dark
you're lighting up
i wanna give you wild love, the kind that never slows down
As a walked into the room that once belonged to you
There was a familiar smell; yours.
She handed me blue and gold feathers
That used to sit on your head rest.

I still can't grasp the thought that
I can no longer feel your warmth when I pull into the drive way
I can no longer tell you how much
I loved watching those old movies with you,
I can no longer tell you I love you..

I thought that I was prepared for this
But no one can be prepared for when
Their grandfather passes away.
I'm burning sage and praying for you.
I miss you now more than I ever thought I would.
Charles Homer West
You were the best
And I couldn't have asked for better
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